Leslie lives life, loves life, and laughs at life!

And the greatest of these is Love.

2012-01-08T07:59:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged in awhile. Some people have said they don't like reading a blog that doesn't contain pictures and for some reason mine includes more words than pictures. I understand what they mean because "a picture is worth a thousand words", but sometimes I would rather just use "the thousand words".

It is no secret to anyone how much I love my family, am grateful for a myriad of friends and find joy in life...those things are forever in my heart, I really should blog more about my day to day experiences and how my life is filled with blessings. But instead I find that I want to write about the ramblings inside my head...indeed I must write about them.

I have written several blogs on LOVE, but I guess there are worse things to be redundant about. I am indeed a romantic; you can see that in my house when you enter, and it isn't lost in anything about me. But my thoughts today were generated by writing my goals or resolutions. I am a "list maker" and a "goal maker". I love setting goals, breaking them down into small bites, working on them, and re-evaluating and re-setting them if necessary. Frequently I find the need to re-assess because I haven't taken the right perspective on the goal I've set. That's what happened this morning while I was pondering.

I was thinking about how confused we sometimes make our efforts in living the gospel. How overwhelmed we make ourselves fulfilling every "jot and tittle", when Christ made it so abundantly clear where our focus should be. The "lesser law" was filled with "jots and tittles" it told the children of God exactly what they needed to do every step of the way, but them Christ came to give us the "greater law" which says "Thou shalt love the Lord, thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." He went on to say "On these two commandments hang all the laws and the prophets." Also concerning Love he said "Love one another as I have loved you", and we know of His perfect and unconditional love. So I am simplifying all my goals to one "LOVE".

Didn't Christ say on these commandments hang all the laws and the prophets. So the gospel isn't difficult to live, it doesn't have to be overwhelming, it is really so simple, just LOVE.

Of course my mind still wants to break it down:

If I love the Lord MY GOD with all my heart, soul and mind then I will want to know more about him: I will want to praise Him.

Attend church regularly

Take the Sacrament

Pay tithing (which is only a portion of how he shows his love for me)

Study my scriptures

Keep the Sabbath Day Holy.

and other things that come so easily as I am active in fulfilling the verb LOVE.

If I love my neighbor as myself, then I will want to be kind to my neighbor AND MYSELF.

I will lift a hand in charity.

I will reach out when someone is hurting.

I will be a friend to not only my friends, but to my associates, clients, and strangers.

I will not gossip, judge others, covet, lust or hate.

I will honor my body by those things I eat,.

I will become healthier.

I will forgive others, and I will forgive myself.

I think if we think about Loving others as He loved us...we have to truly recognize the POWER that love has. It was only through His love for us that He sacrificed himself for us, for me. If we can try to attain that kind of love for others we truly can attain a gift that makes everything else seem petty and small....jots and tittles. Although jots and tittles are important too, they can be overcome and fulfilled with the greater law of LOVE.

My prayers won't change too much because I do LOVE love, and usually ask the Lord to fill my heart with love for all the people I come in contact with, but now I recognize that if I ask for this blessing in my life, I don't need to clutter it with all those "Jots and Tittles" because if I just love, then they will take care of themselves.

I am so astounded and grateful for my Heavenly Father's love, and for the amazing love and grace that the Savior so fully gave to me, little ole me. I am grateful for my heart that receives so much love that it overflows to all those I love. I am so grateful that the Savior made it so exquisitly simple and showed it in each and every principle, parable, and example He gave us.

Love from the Lord is unconditional and so our love to others should be unconditional.

All we need is LOVE.

Thanksgiving!

2011-12-04T09:52:00.000-08:00

October 14th

2011-10-10T11:10:00.000-07:00

It was fall. Not the warm, fuzzy colorful autumn, but the frozen dark, dreary part of fall that you would expect to precede winter. The wind was blustering in the night, whistling through the trees as they gave up their leaves.

Inside she threw a sweater over her shoulders trying not to use the heat in the small apartment. She wiped the frosty webs off the pane of the window as she peered out into the harrowing night. “Hurry, please hurry”, she whispered, watching her breath disappear into the air. It wasn’t pain she felt, just a discomfort that was unexplainable. She just wanted him home, her rock, her strength. He would make her forget the uneasiness she felt.

Despite her faith in him, even he, couldn’t erase her anxiety. What was it she was feeling? This wasn’t at all how people described it, actually it wasn’t possible. This wasn’t even supposed to be happening for another month. Why now? Several times through the night she woke up with a jolt, not really understanding what it was that jostled her from her sleep. One o’clock, two fifteen, three o’clock, she fell into a deep sleep. She awoke in a fright. Something was wrong. Her hands caught the moistness in the bed and retracted quickly. She screamed his name.

He bolted out of the bed , eyes wide with disbelief. “No! It can’t be! There’s no way!” He struggled to put his pants on and threw her a coat simultaneously. “ It can’t be. What shall we do? “ Somehow at this moment in his panic, she became calm “We just have to go now, it will be okay. I know it will be okay.”

The car was cold, it wasn’t used to the cold weather that hit so suddenly. He put his hand over the seat, looking back to see his young wife waiting. He took a deep breath, summoning courage to support her through this unimaginable experience. She looked hazy through the icy windshield, but she was still beautiful .

No phone! No way to contact the world outside, yet it was vital to make that connection. There was a diner ahead, a phone. She sat outside in the car, in the blizzard, on that October morning while her husband sat warmly at the counter having a cup of coffee. “Hurry”, she pleaded silently, “Please hurry.”

They were back on the road trying to find the way. He had lived there most of his life, yet it seemed so foreign in the blackness of the night with the swirling snow filling up every dark space. Where were they? Each road seemed the same, were they going in circles? She held onto her burden tightly praying they would make it in time. “No, don’t you see, that was the way.” He hit the steering wheel with frustration and fear, fear that they wouldn’t make it in time. At that moment she said “It’s too late, it’s too late” With that declaration she gave up. He saw her body become tense with her feet planted firmly on the floor and staring straight ahead. He was still driving as this was occurring. He grabbed at the air and she grabbed the steering wheel guiding them toward the corner of Pierce and Colfax. He put on the brakes, turned off the ignition. They both sighed a sigh of momentary relief.

Joy filled the air in that little 1946 Ford Coupe. Little did they realize they would become parents in this car, in this blizzard, on this October morning. They were so naïve they didn’t know what to do after they swatted the little bottom of their dear little bundle. She took off her coat and wrapped the baby up. She was perfect, even though she was early, she was perfect. Ten fingers, ten toes, lots of black hair, a pert little turned up nose, chubby cheeks, PERFECT! The joy was full, complete, audible and short!

All of the sudden the coldness pulled them out of their reverie. They still needed to find the hospital, fast! She saw one ahead, “Over there dear. Daddy!” He drove into the driveway as quickly as the mounds of snow would allow. He ran into the hospital sputtering “My wife just had a baby, she’s in the car”. The nurse, who looked like a nurse even though she was wearing a housecoat said “You can’t bring her in here this is a Tuberculosis Hospital. “A tb hospital? I can’t bring her in here. Where is the Beth Israel hospital ”, he shouted doing an about face. They were only a few blocks off course so he was shortly repeating to the Emergency nurses the same rant, “My wife just had a baby, they’re in the car”. The nurse followed him with some chagrin, but quickly changed her attitude upon seeing the new mother and her wrapped bundle. “She did have a baby! There is a baby! “ They ran back into the hospital the father and the nurse. She kept giving him gauze that he kept stuffing into his pockets, more guaze and more guaze. “What are you going to do with those scissors? She’s cold, please hurry. The baby has no clothes on. Hurry!” Panicked he led the little parade to the car.

The new mommy felt fine in spite of her husbands panic. She was to learn in future births and life’s occasions that he would carry the emotion and she would be the one to remain calm. She handed her little baby to the nurse as she climbed onto the gurney. After giving birth to her first child, she knew that she began her life’s work, being a Mom.
She looked around as the snow danced in bright little flakes around her, taking a deep breath she thought about how a dark blustery October morning, gave way to a beautiful, joyous surprise.

Being A Friend!

2011-09-05T22:58:00.000-07:00

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.”

Today I wanted to take this opportunity to discuss what it takes to be a friend. I'm sure if each one of you can think of someone who has touched your life for the moment, day, or period of time you needed them, and perhaps someone who has become a lifelong friend.

When I was a young girl in Brownies we learned the little song that was short, but very profound. "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold." I knew then that this meant friends were important, and I understood that gold and silver were valuable, but as a youngster I don't know that I really understood the concept that friends were such a valuable commodity. I'm grateful I understand.

My Dad was the kind of person who was a friend to everyone. I have 3 sons who have the same kind of charisma he did. They can walk into a room of strangers and leave with a room of friends. Remarkable gift. People just wanted to be around Dad's pleasant smile and easy way. He made every person feel important. There was no measuring stick for him, there was a value in everyone. He was kind of like Will Rogers who of course "never met a man he didn't like". We can all do this by looking for the nugget inside each person that creates beauty. We've all met people who can always find fault in everyone, It's easy to just reverse it and look for the good. If you find it, then there is no doubt you will want them to be your friend.

My Mom was the one who carried details about people. This was a great assist to my dad....sometimes as they were walking up to someone my Mom would begin to feed my Dad the details "His wife is Faith, two children Grace and Jane, saw them at the company picnic." By this time Dad was shaking George's hand and patting him on the back asking how Grace and Jane were doing. Mom keeps friends forever and continuously adds to her friendship bouquet. A couple weeks ago we went to Denver for a wedding and stopped in to see her best friend who she met in the early 40's. They were "Rosie Riveters" together during the Second World War. To see them together was like they had never been apart, bosom buddies........they are among the first bff's.

I too am grateful for the relationships I made all through my life. They are golden to me.
? Have you ever had a friend that even if you haven't seen them in years - - you pick up right where you left off?

That's not ALWAYS how it is. It takes a lot of responsibility to be a friend, and stay a friend. Friendships need to be nurtured not taken for granted.
? What can you do to maintain that relationship?
Keep in touch. If you don't you might lose track of them.....
Know what their life events are?
Jan/Karen after she died.

? What can you do to have a golden relationship?
Give and Take
If you don't have a balanced relationship then it will lead eventually to regret or resentment.
My contract with my friends

Recognize the value in each person?
? Once you recognize it, what do you do with it?

If you keep these little hints you will have Friendships of Gold

NOW WHAT ABOUT THE SILVER--New Friendships?

How do you go about meeting new friends? I recently moved here from California. I was lucky enough to have an abundance of friends already here, as a matter of fact some of them threw a "Welcome to Utah" party for me. But I wanted to meet some new friends as well, so I could feel comfortable in my new home.

Karen Cook story--A long time ago I realized that you can make a new friend anywhere and in just a minute or two.....just look like you are open....don't close yourself off. I meet some of the neatest people in line at the grocery store. I know we are impatient people but it makes the time in line go much more quickly if you just look at the people around you who are impatient too and lift the time and their spirits a little too. I used to practice this on the busy freeways in California. You're stuck on the 60...going nowhere fast. Smile a little, wave a little, it will fill the time much more quickly. How about at McDonalds? I think people really think there is just an arm waiting on them. Have you ever recognized the arm is attached to someone? Someone who has a life, a smile, a heartbeat? Ask them how they are doing the next time you grab that McMeal! You might make a McFriend.

Scott's story---Police Dept Training Class.

? What? Where? and How? are some other ways we can meet new friends?
Going to places where you share commonalities. Toastmasters, church, Curves, School, Art classes.
? How do you nurture a new friendship?
Trust. "They don't know how much you know, until they know how much you care."

Build experiences and memories together.
Know what is important to them.
Be there when they need you--Lean on them when you are needing a hand.
Begin cementing the relationship by building traditions/memories.
Mark Twain said something once I wholeheartedly believe is true "I can live for two weeks on a single compliment." Share those little rays of sunshine, you will be the one who is blessed. YOU will find a new friend,

Thank you Miss Toastmaster.

#1 Son

2011-08-24T18:30:00.000-07:00

You can call him Marque, or you can call him Q. You can call him Jr., or you can call him Ray. You can call him whatever you want, but as for me, I call him my #1 son. He is my favorite and that says a lot. His two brothers are truly amazing individuals. In any other family, either Jim or Scott would easily be a parents #1 most favorite son. That should explain how awesome Marque is to surpass them in this Mom's heart.

Why Am I Doing This?

2011-07-25T19:56:00.000-07:00

Having decided I needed a new chapter in my life I moved to Utah. I loved my life, my family, and my friends in California and it was difficult leaving them. I recognized that there was a magnet pulling me back to my old life causing me to hang onto a relationship and a marriage that no longer existed. Making a move and turning the page would help me take a fresh look at life.

I allowed myself six months unemployment. Six months to move in, unpack, and to get healthy. I imagined that "getting healthy" implied physical health, but recognized after time that I was also becoming more healthy emotionally, spiritually, socially, and that I was preparing to heal myself financially as well. So, down thirty pounds, up a few more toned muscles, lots of added energy, a higher spiritual level, and more confident me, I began my job search.

The first question I asked myself was "What do I want to do now that I'm grown up?" When I was a child I made the decision very clearly that what I wanted to be a wife and a mother. That never changed. When I went to college my plan was supplement my career choice. As soon as I became a mother that was it for working outside the home. I babysat up to 14 kids at one time in my home so I could stay with my children. There was no better babysitter because I could only imagine how difficult it was for parents to leave their children.

When Scotty, my youngest, was ready to start school I was asked by a friend, if I wanted to work for him in his Insurance Agency. I gave him every excuse in the book, but he made it easy for me to be a mom and work too. For twenty-seven years I worked in various Insurance positions giving my kids opportunities they wouldn't have had otherwise. It was always a job though, never a career. Perhaps financially it would have been much better to have chosen a career path (had my own agency). After a divorce Ican't imagine how much more difficult it would be to layer the guilt if I had made that choice. At least I know that I did everything I could to honor the commitments and vows that I made at the altar. And my children....when I look at them I am so grateful that they were my highest priority. I'm not saying they wouldn't have been wonderful if I had had a career. I know so many exceptional mothers who do both amazingly well. I also know my kids might have turned out fantastic no matter what because they just are. But gratefully I was there to see them grow up. I was there to enjoy every blessed moment.

The page turned, and now it is time to face that question again; "What do I want to do now that I'm grown up?" At my age I am supposed to be readying myself for retirement, not for my next career. Well, "it is what it is". Even though chronologically I'm 63, my spirit has always been 19 and I'm not ready to retire (at least that's what I've convinced myself). If I was retired I would want to do some service; maybe work at a hospital, convalescent home, or helping children who are having a difficult time. So, my goal is to have a job where I am able to build relationships and help people. So beginning the process I asked myself, "what is out there for me to blend my vocation and avocation?"

I updated my resume, posted it on Monster, and started looking at potential positions. The common denominator in the jobs I researched and applied for was motivating, goal setting, team leading, helping, nurturing. So many insurance opportunities have been offered to me. I felt more and more positive through the interviews about the possibilities of changing other lives and changing my own as well. I felt empowered!

Entrepreneurs have always impressed me and I wished that I had the entrepreneurial spirit which is indomitable. An entrepreneur is a person who has possession of a new enterprise, venture, or idea and is accountable for the inherant risks and the outcome. Eeek....I never had enough guts to look for one of those and certainly didn't want to face any risks, so I sat in my 9-5 job bringing home a regular paycheck. I understood clearly that the "movers and shakers" in this world didn't punch a time clock, but I was much more comfortable in my little box. Well in the job hunting process, especially through the interviews my box got a little bigger....and I could see myself stretching an arm or leg a little outside the confining parameters. I had a "paradigm shift", someone "moved my cheese", I saw "what color my parachute" could be. First of all that 9-5 job doesn't pay much in Utah, so even if I don't succeed to the level promised by all the positions paid by commissions I still have a chance of making more, and certainly would have much more freedom; freedom to be a Grandma, Mother, and friend. So, I just needed to find the right enterprise, venture or idea! As Zig Zigler says: "If you can dream it, then you can achieve it. You will get all you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want."

For me to sell an idea or product I would have to believe in it. I could never, ever talk someone into something I didn't think was a good choice for them. That was true as I sold Farmers Insurance products for 27 years. Farmers was a good and honorable company that did exactly what they said they would do. I loved the relationships built with my clients and so I wanted something that would allow me to build relationships again, this time to my own favor, instead of my employers. I considered alot of insurance options again, but hoped for a different perspective.

A friend that attends Toastmasters with me offered another option; to be a partner with her in Melaleuca. I heard good things about Melaleuca before but was concerned about it being a Multi-level Marketing plan. Some people do well with them, but I personally don't feel comfortable supporting. Callie reassured me Melaluca was not multi-level. The things I am most excited about are the products themselves. They are organic, safe, and the company was green way before it became popular to be green. I will not feel like I am selling when I talk to people about these products because they are the same things they are already buying, they simply change WHERE they buy it, and buy it safer. Melaleuca has over 300 products including household cleaning concentrates, vitamins and supplements, bath and body, skin and makeup, and even pharmaceutical products. I'm excited just thinking about offering something positive to my friends, family and my future friends.

So, I CAN be an entrepreneur. Boy, is that ever turning a page in my new chapter, that's really a change for me. Hopefully an old dog CAN learn new tricks, and you can't beat that.

My personal mission statement is: "To empower lives with products that provide financial wellness, physical stability and are environmentally appealing." The wonderful thing about it is I believe it!

What is This?

2011-07-14T07:17:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I felt extremely overwhelmed. Money was tight because my income which was already tight was decreased by over $700 a month, so I needed to think about getting a job, but what kind of job? Should I find one that is part time, full time, salary based, commission. What did I want to do with the rest of my life. I didn't like the idea of having to start a new career at the age I should be retiring, but I gave myself 6 months and then had planned on getting busy anyway....now I was pushed into it. That was just a bit of the problem, to go along with that I was told by my Dr. that I needed to have a gastric bypass and yet, as stated in an earlier post, I had just lost 30 lbs. So it would seem to be an easy answer, but there are other things involved. If I start working then it would be awhile before I would be comfortable taking the time off. I will be 64 in October (OMG that is a yucky thought) and I can only have the surgery until I am 65, then there will be no more options. The Dr. seems to think that I need this to jump over all my health issues.

Oh well, what this blog is about is how I pulled myself out of the tornado of decisions, thoughts, doldrums and into a really awesome place. How? I don't know really what made that little difference but I do know I was actively involved in creating my own happiness. The greatest advise I could ever give anyone who is frustrated, depressed, despondent in any way is to do absolutely the opposite of what you feel like doing. I truly WANTED to stay in bed, if out of bed I wanted to escape into the computer doing mindless things. I didn't do those things. I set my alarm, which I never usually do, I got out of bed early in the morning and dragged myself through each simple task and ticked it off as an accomplishment. It was hard! There was nothing I wanted more than to stay in that bed, cover my head and go back to sleep until all my decisions were made and magically all was right with the world. Never had success with that plan at all. Forward motion is required to move out of despondency and indecision. I wanted to watch soap operas but would have settled for infomercials. Instead I turned on happy, bright music. Rather than playing "spider solitaire" I looked up quotes on attitude shifts, decision making, and joy. I was too overwhelmed to make a decision of Job or Surgery so I moved forward in both continuing to pray. Sidenote: Prayer is harder for me when I am depressed or overwhelmed because my prayers are based on gratitude...if I am in bed then I can't be grateful for what I am not seeing. So I force myself out into the world to see the skies, trees, smiles on people's faces, my grandaughters twinkling humor then it is easier to pray. In my prayers I learn to ASK, which I am not good at doing. "Lord, bless me with a good day. Help me to see the answers I seek. Give me angels here on earth who will guide me in my decisions."

I updated my resume. You HAVE to be positive in a resume. Every positive characteristic, valuable skill, and passion is listed. That helped me see myself in that light as well and lifted my spirits. After posting the resume on Monster I received lots of offers...that was a real lifter as well. On the surgery side I posted an e-mail to my Dr. for more information on why he felt so strongly that I should have the surgery, and I researched the pros and cons of gastric bypass surgery. I not only continued to exercise, I increased my exercise time. My impulse was not to do it at all because if I was going to have the surgery why bother, but that would have been defeating to me. Remember, do the opposite of what you FEEL like doing.

I started having interviews which was really empowering to me. I get an amazing "high" from seeing people size me up visually when they first meet me, then I proceed to "wow" them. I love how they are stiff, impersonal, going through the motions at the beginning of an interview, and at the end they are relaxed, leaning forward into our conversation, even asking MY advise at times on certain aspects of their own situations. That is the Lord blessing me for my efforts I believe. When I do my share, He is right there to fill in the GAP. I couldn't do it without Him. That is also building steam and esteem because with that knowledge and success I can now go forward and conquer not only the decisions that need to be made, but the WORLD (haha).

Yesterday as I got up way earlier than planned I discovered that now I wasn't forcing myself to take each step I was bouncing and bounding. I stopped and took a look into the mirror and said "Leslie Trosper, you are cute." I found that I didn't really MAKE a decision about the surgery it just kind of made itself. I have not lost any more weight in the past couple weeks, but I feel healthier so I am going to proceed slowly rather than with the quick loss that surgery would provide. I respect people that make that decision as well. It isn't the easy way out, as some people think. It takes alot of change...I just think I want to enjoy each tiny little change as it comes. I have actually faced the reality that I may not see alot of weight change, but I have proven to myself and others that I can be healthy, happy, and me at any weight. I will continue doing my best by eating properly and exercising and the Lord will fill in that GAP for me in the way that HE sees best.

As far as the job goes, I am having a blast in the interview process, but I will be making some other decisions shortly. The process has helped me to see myself at my finest. I KNOW someone will be lucky to get me, and I am looking forward to a new chapter. For the first time, ever, I know I can be successful financially while inspiring others to be successful as well.

Some of the other things that have specifically helped me were: 1) getting on the ATV when Marque encouraged me...made me feel so young, so alive! 2) Vickie and I working through and encouraging each other to keep on moving when our instinct was to just commiserate with each other. 3) Being around Sarah and Leah who brighten my world by just being in it! 4) Talking to my other kids and having them support and encourage me whatever my decisions 5) Living in, being mindful of, and thanking God for each moment and each tiny little success, viz., "Wow, I got out of bed! Good job Leslie, thank you God for pushing me to do what I asked you to push me to do." "This shower is awesome, shampooing my hair makes me feel so alive. Thank you God for water, soap, shower curtains, my little house, for Marque who gives it to me cheaply, my blue and white shower curtain."

Now, I am walking on clouds...I don't know how it happened or what it is, but I know EXACTLY how it happened and EXACTLY what it is.

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

2011-07-02T18:59:00.000-07:00

I am a patriot! I love this country and all the freedoms I get to take for granted. Don't we all sit in our comfortable homes with our full tummies watching our flat screened tv's forgetting sometimes what kind of patriots it took to give us this lifestyle. One of the things I avoid lately is watching the news. The news might tell me about politicians who have cheated on their wives, or the people who put them in office. It might tell me about how the economy is failing, or it might tell me about a war still being fought in the middle east for someone's liberty from tyranny. It's so easy to turn it off and I have to admit, I do.

But I don't forget what it took to get us the valuable freedoms that we can be so casual about. I have written several blogs on how my parents raised me to be proud of my country. My kids are proud too. Marque loves the history. All you have to do is walk in his office at home to see a multitude of books on the raising up of America. Jimmy is the one who knows his politics. He was so excited to meet Alan Cranston in the Capitol when he was 14 years old. He knows that the country was not conceived to be a hierarchy, it was conceived with a balance of power. He knows that it is important to know who you are voting for other than just the President because of that balance of power. Scott is a protector of our rights as a police officer. So I would say we were able to pass on the patriotism my parents gave to me.

I remember school days when we began each day with our hands over our hearts pledging allegiance to the flag. It had power when I said those words. When I was in 6th grade the whole city of 6th graders came together in Denver to do a concert...we filled a huge auditorium. It was breathtaking when we all sang God Bless America in unison. I cried then, and it is a moment I will never forget. What I didn't realize at that time is that it was a pretty new song to America at the time. Irving Berlin who was not born in this country served in World War I and in 1918 wrote "God Bless America" for a play. It wasn't accepted well so it was tucked away in a trunk. He pulled it out, dusted it off and changed a few of the lyrics around 1940. Kate Smith sang it. It became her signature song. I loved Kate Smith when I was a little girl. Hers was one of the first tv shows I watched in the 50's and she always closed the show with God Bless America. Another thing I always loved about it was that all the royalties Irving Berlin received were donated to Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts of America. That is still true. That is all side information...God Bless America is my favorite patriotic song because what it says, is what I feel.

God Bless America, Land that I love.

Stand beside her and guide her,

Through the night with a light from above.

From the mountains, to the prairies,

To the oceans white with foam.

God Bless America, My home sweet home.

It's a prayer, isn't it? A prayer asking God to protect this beautiful country that houses us and our liberties. Simple lyrics, simple melody, but who can sing it without emotion?

Our Independence Day, The 4th of July, is one of my favorite holidays, because it is one we actually remember what the holiday is about. One of the things I resent is that holidays are sometimes celebrated more because it's a day off work, or school, than to remember what it's all about. I wonder if kids today even know what day Columbus discovered America, or is it just a day off? When is Lincoln's birthday, or Washington's birthday? It is just President's Day in February, another day from school. But on the 4th we seem to acknowledge and celebrate for the way our patriots fought the British so that we could pursue happiness in any way we see fit. They sweated in the hot days of summer with no air conditioning to map out the Declaration of Independence. Could they have even imagined the American Patriot of today? Even in the depths of the financial burdens we bear, most of us have so much. As we watch the fireworks we need to remember and acknowledge those who are still fighting, who sweat in the hot days in the desert for those who don't enjoy the freedoms and wealth we all enjoy.

Luckily I have had wonderful celebrations of the 4th of July in my lifetime. When I was young we lined up and marched to the front of the house as a family, posted the flag, and pledge our allegiance to it every Independence Day. Or we would find ourselves at my grandparents house in South Dakota and my grandma would run out to the car twirling a towel over her head saying "Hoowah, hoowah for the 4th of July"! As my kids grew we had block parties, barbecues and parades ending up sharing all the fireworks together. In 1987 we were on the Hudson River crammed with thousands. We started the crowd singing patriotic songs while we waited for fireworks over Hudson Bay. In Chesapeake, VA we listened to the Virginia Philharmonic Orchestra playing the 1812 overature with real cannon blasts before the fireworks started. One time we were at the Chesapeake Bay with boats parading while the most fantastic fireworks were timed perfectly with an orchestra playing. Then there was the time we took the metro in early morning down to the National Mall between the Capitol and Lincolns Memorial to enjoy the National Fireworks over the Washington Monument. Incredible! Enjoy the celebration and ask God to bless those who did the work in our history, those who are currently serving, and that we will always remember, and

God Bless America, Land that I love!

Childhood Memories

2011-06-30T15:01:00.000-07:00

Today my oldest son, Q, was writing about his memories regarding a beach cruiser, cruising it at the beach, and people watching at the beach. He said he doesn't remember too much about his childhood without the help of photographs. Thank goodness we took alot over the years, and some video too. My sister Lynette texted this morning asking about addresses of the very first house we lived in, in Aurora, CO., and my grandparents address there in Denver. These two conversations led me down through a nostalgic walk down my own memory lane, and also through my children's childhood.

My kids tease me to death about my very distinctive childhood memories. I took them on a little drive through Denver sites in 1984 on our way to South Dakota to see my Grandmother. When we were in Denver again in 1997 for a Bliss Family Reunion they did not want to retrace my childhood again, and were lucky this time because they were too old for me to force them. They remember me showing them where my 2nd grade teacher, Mrs. Brown, lived and that we made chocolate chip cookies there. And they still tease me about it!

Today when Lyn asked me what our address was in Aurora I started looking up addresses. I wrote back to Lyn that my elementary school was Montview and it was at 5505 Molina. She couldn't believe I knew THAT address. I didn't of course I just knew the name and googled the address. But then I was able to find our neighborhood, our house, and some of our friends houses. I was quite surprised to see how small that house was square footage wise, especially as houses are getting bigger and bigger these days. We moved into the house when I was around one...although I don't REMEMBER that. I was the oldest, and we lived there until late summer when I was going into 3rd grade. So there were 6 of us living in less than 1000 square feet. I don't think my parents were poor, or rich, that's just what people had at that time. I remember so many memories in that house, like going across the alley to our friends, the Meads. Rusty Mead was my very first boyfriend when I was 4 or 5, and my very last boyfriend when we left Colorado when I was 15 1/2. There was the time I was sent to the Meads to borrow some ice and got my tongue stuck on it on my way home. Also I learned to "pump" on a swing from my next door neighbor Jill Pinkerton. All the neighborhood kids went to the Meads house to watch their new television because no one else had one. We would watch the big sign that told what the network was with a long tone until actual TV programs started. My favorite was Howdy Doody I think. I wanted so much to be in the Peanut Gallery. I had a kindergarten teacher named Mrs. Gold, I remember her daughter was an airline stewardess so I wanted to be one too. She was killed by a bomb that was put on a plane...way back then there were some kind of terrorists I guess. Mrs. Scofield was my 1st grade teacher, but I loved Mrs Brown my 2nd grade teacher because she shared her home...and her chocolate chip cookies. I remember walking to Goodies Store to buy penny candy. Can you imagine parents letting their kids walk by themselves to a store that was maybe 4 blocks away? There were so many fun friends and experiences on Jamaica street in Aurora.

When we moved out of the Aurora house we moved into my grandmothers house at 1230 Magnolia in Denver. My grandfather had just passed away at 55 years old, and my grandmother was having a hard time living alone. We were waiting for our 2nd house to be built in Southeast Denver. I started 3rd grade at Montclair Elementary and my sister, Lynette, started Kindergarten. It was so amazing because her kindergarten teacher Mrs. Lyon was my Dad's kindergarten teacher too, and she remembered him! Lynette walked home once by herself and got lost, I can't remember if that was my fault in some way....see I don't remember EVERYTHING. But I do remember she crossed Colfax which was one of the busiest streets ever. A lady found her and rescued her. Grandma's house had a double hump hill that we would roll down and the neighbor next door had just one really high hump in her yard. We would just have to be careful not to run into the beautiful weeping willow trees. Isn't it funny what kinds of things stay in your memory? Sometimes the tiniest things clasp on, like: the milkbox and the milkman coming every day to put milk in it...especially when it was chocolate; buying new clothes for school and hanging them on the pipes down in the basement room where we slept, and exactly what they looked like; grandma making sugar bread for an after school snack; playing piano on the same piano Daddy did when he was little; grandma's goldeyn mirror over the fireplace. Oh my 3rd grade teacher was Mrs. Haner. Guess my kids are right, I do remember alot!

In the middle of my 3rd grade we moved into our new house at 1569 S. Forest Street in Denver. By the way, I can even remember our telephone number was SKyline 6-7286. To me the house looked like a gingerbread house, it was so cute. The windows on the right side were diamond paned which was so popular in the 50's. We lived in a housing tract called Virginia Village and we felt rich. I was surprised again today to find that this house was only 1200 something square feet. It seemed huge to me. While we were there my brothers Bill and Brock were born, as well as my sister Becky. So eventually there were 9 of us living there. As time went on my parents did do a semi-finish on the basement and we had 1 more bedroom and 1 more bathroom. Before that time all of us were in 3 bedrooms and 1 bathroom. At that house I remember: the stile to climb over the fence into the Wallaces back yard, the NON-privacy fences that allowed neighbors to be neighbors; the mexican cart with the donkey in the Keeners back yard; playing kick the can with a whole gaggle of neighbor kids; my friend Nancy directly across the street who was less than a month older than me; the Bells, Bradfords, Sameks; "Neighbor Day" on Labor Day and all other patriotic holidays where we gathered to celebrate; the light in the middle of the family room that pulled down if you needed to have a closer look. My dad would walk through the room and grab it as a joke. Many people thought he was pulling the light right out of the ceiling. I remember finishing 3rd grade with Mrs. Moore at Stephen Knight Elementary while waiting for Ellis to be finished. In 4th grade I had Mrs. Woodward, In 5th grade I had Mrs. Hughes, and in 6th grade I had Mrs. Hann. They all seemed so old, but were probably in their twenties looking back. I had a great group of friends and fell in love so many times while I was in elementary school with Tommy Davis, Val Knopf, Bucky down the street. But when I got in Jr. High I was so shy. I don't know why I was shy, perhaps THAT's why. No, our Jr. High Merrill was so crowded they had to do triple sessions 7:30 - 12:30, 9:30 - 2:30 and 12:30 - 4:30. I was divided from some of my friends. One thing I remember there was helping to give out vaccinations for polio. It was a big deal that they had found a vaccination for that horrible disease. People don't even remember the problem that it was. I will never forget Salk and his discovery.

Writing this down brings so many more memories to my mind that I will definitely write for myself someday. I assume this will be more for me than anyone else anyway. Memories are a very personal thing. I did find an old friend on facebook the other day from my childhood on Forest Street. Linda was my church friend. I guess I probably knew her since Primary until I left when I was 15 and we were both in Mutual. I remember lots of fun times in those classes with her at church. Eventually we went to the same High School, George Washington, and that was fun. Mostly I remember going to her house after church on Sundays between Sunday School and Sacrament Meeting to have dinner at their house and jump on the trampoline in her back yard. I am excited because she lives just a few towns over so we will get together after 48 years to reminisce. Actually who knows how much we'll have to share after all that time. Maybe a few "do you remember?" moments, a friendly lunch, and a hug, but it will still be nice.

Little did I know how my life was really only starting with our move to California. We lived for a short time on Ridglea in Buena Park after my Dad was moved by Ford Motor Company. Well actually we started living at the Magic Star right by Disneyland for a month or two. Can you imagine a child's delight living right next to Disneyland? Can you imagine 7 children's delight? Can you imagine 2 parents delight living with 7 children in a motel for 2 months? They were happy to find anything to rent while they searched for one to buy. My dad for several months or maybe years would all the sudden say "Well here we are in California!" It was quite amazing to all of us. The house they chose to buy was 1716 Sunset Lane in Fullerton. We were kind of sad to leave the Country Club life of Los Coyotes, but Mom and Dad kept a membership there for us, for a time. I went to Buena Park High School until the end of the school year. I managed to get on the honor roll with a 4.0 gpa. Unknown before or after that time. I didn't know anyone might as well study. I did meet my friend Pam (who is my friend to this very day) and Dyan who had just moved there from Colorado too. When we moved to Sunset Lane I went to Sunny Hills High School. We had what was considered a large home at the time. It was so large that it was an embarrassment to me when my friends came to visit, but it was smaller than any of my kids homes today at 2400 square feet. You can imagine how big it was to us after the Denver home I was raised in though. Sunny Hills was considered rich man's neighborhood, but what great friends we made there and in our ward at church, Fullerton II Ward. I met my first real boyfriend there. He was our paperboy who delivered his papers from his Jaguar. He also rode a horse, Sunny, atop the hill across the street and would yell to me at my window...very romantic. I keep in touch with some of my high school friends especially Karen and Karen, great friends still. I had lots more boyfriends until I met the one I would marry when I was 18 years old. And that was the end of my childhood! But not the end of my fun. Four years later my first son was born and that began the memories that I tried to build, make golden, and store for my children.

I have always thought the reason I remembered everything about my childhood was because it was such a good childhood. I never recognized the gift of a good memory. I know that because some of my kids don't remember alot of their childhood and I know there's was equally as memorable as mine. So I thank my Heavenly Father for parents who made my childhood memorable and for the gift of memory so that I remember so well!

New and Improved?

2011-06-23T12:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I got on the scales and was surprised to hit another goal. I've lost 30 pounds now. Yippee! When I moved to Utah one of my goals was to focus on me. Particularly on exercise and eating healthy. One of my intentions was to look at Curves. I didn't know too much about it, but it seemed like a low impact exercise plan from everything I heard. The part-owner/manager of the franchise here in American Fork is delightful. She is single, a decade or so younger than me, and just the cutest personality. I saw her instantly as a friend. It didn't take too long to decide to join. Afterall, it is just a few blocks, energetic ambiance, nice people, and totally judgement free. Curves quickly became my "new community". I didn't immediately become friends with everyone, but I did love seeing friendly faces across the circle as we all worked out to the music. Eventually, I added Zumba and is that fun! Truly, it is still hard to motivate myself to get up and go exercise each day, but they do everything they can to help you overcome your laziness.

I never thought exercise would be fun! It takes 30 minutes to do the regular program and so even a busy (cough-cough) person like me can find time to get it done at least 3 times a week.
Zumba also takes 30 minutes but leaves me more exhausted, more sweaty, and strangely more energized. Laura, the Zumba instructor is just so fun, and can really show us how to move our body. As far as my eating healthy lifestyle it is pretty simple...eat at least 3 x's a day, drink lots more water and lots less coke, eat more fruits and vegetables than anything else, but don't deprive myself.

I've been on a weight loss course all my life. I've tried everything. Weight watchers is the best I think because their plan is one you can live with, and is well balanced. I gained weight though in the 4 or 5 times I tried it previously. Probably because other plans or "fad" diets dropped my caloric intake to very little so I didn't have anywhere to go. I was even on a 500 calorie diet with daily shots at one time in my life and stopped losing after 20 pounds even though I stayed the course for over 6 months. When you actually start eating more than 500 calories a day you actually gain weight.....what? Who would've thought? Duh! I also had a dental devise put on my teeth so I couldn't eat anything solid....it caused me to eventually need crowns on all my teeth but didn't help my weight loss at all. Tried it all.....and got to the point that I could go a day or more without eating at all. Then someone told me I was heavy because I didn't eat. I think it was the people at Six Week Body Makeover who told me that when I went on their "fast start" and gained weight. Crazy!

So, I have spent a year or so trying to get a metabolism back. Even though I hear it is best to eat 5 small meals a day I have found it hard to get 3 in. I used to not eat until 2-4 each day because that is when I finally got hungry. Some wise person told me that my metabolism wasn't even thinking of starting until I ate. Oh, so you mean the reason I get hungrier if I actually eat breakfast is because my metabolism has started? Duh! I convinced myself I didn't like breakfast so I had to re-train my brain that it didn't matter what I ate as long as I ate....gotta get that metabolism busy. I still rarely get very hungry so I almost have to schedule eating like you would schedule medication. I buy good things to eat, various fruits and vegetables, but since I don't get hungry and therefore I don't think of snacking I sometimes waste the food. So the good news for me is the more I eat....of the right things....the more I lose.

My Dr. told me last month that he wanted me to have a gastric-bypass to improve my health. I had already lost about 25 pounds and was looking for a job so this wasn't what I expected to hear. But, he said that almost all my issues would disappear if I went through with it. So I am praying for what the Lord feels is the right path for me. I was leaning toward the surgery when I got on the scale and had the newest weight loss. I don't know yet what the right answer is, but I definitely know I will continue doing more of the same thing I have been doing until I have my answer.

One of the things I think was also important is that I learned to love myself before I started losing weight. I think that is the most valuable advise I could ever give. So maybe some day my pants will fall right off my body, but I will still be the same person that I look at in the mirror. Fat or skinny doesn't matter what the packaging because it still holds all the bad, or good that was always there!

My Magic Wand

2011-05-09T21:11:00.001-07:00

I was given a magic wand yesterday. Better than that I was given the opportunity to use it. Use it to fill my life with all the mystery, happiness, joy, love, or intrigue that I want. What potential can be held with this new wand? I can hardly imagine. It has been a long time since I considered all the power that a magic wand could possess.

Several years ago when my granddaughter had achieved a certain amount of success in her potty training she was allowed to explore Toys R Us for a reward. She chose a magic wand. Dancing around the store, she tapped amused strangers with her new wand granting their wishes. With great flourish and fantasy she mimicked her favorite Fairy Godmother saying, “Pooping and peeing makes all your dreams come true. Pooping and peeing makes all your dreams come true!” At two years old Hailey already knew that happiness could be possessed by dreams granted. How long has it been since I even allowed myself to wish or dream? Or even knew what I wanted to wish or dream?

I never really needed a wand because I had a fairytale childhood….is it even popular to say that anymore? My parents created their very own magic. They danced around the house in each other’s arms with twinkles in their eyes…at least it seemed that way to me. I could almost see the bird of happiness sitting on my mother’s shoulder as they shared a kiss, two short pecks and one long. I dreamed of creating my own magical kingdom so I married my Prince Charming 45 years ago. As time went on we had 3 handsome Princes who charmed our lives. We shared so many of our own “Once upon a Times”. The Kingdom of Trosper grew as each son took a beautiful bride. Now we have 4 cute little Princesses and one more on the way. Every fairy tale has it’s villain and two years ago the unimaginable ogre, “Divorce,” crushed my fairy tale kingdom.

Now what? That’s how I came upon this magic wand. It was given to me by my Fairy God Psychologist to help me see the possibility of creating a new chapter for myself. Perhaps it’s only the child within that can believe in the possibilities. Did I lose that little child in me? It would be worthile to explore getting to know her again, if only to re-discover the magic held in this magnificent wand.

If I were to design my own wand it would be crowned by a big red heart. This is appropriate because even if I’ve temporarily lost my belief in the “magic” of dreams, I have never lost faith in the power of love. So maybe with image of a little girl, a wee belief in the “abracadabra” or “bippity boppity boo” magic of dreams, a sprinkle or two of love, and the counsel of my new Fairy Godmother I can find some old fantasies, or create some new possibilities.

I close my eyes tight and with great flourish and fantasy wave my little wand and mimicking my little granddaughter I say “just wish and hoping can make all my dreams come true! Just wishing and hoping can make all my dreams come true! Just wishing and hoping can make all my dreams come true!”

Mary and Martha

2011-04-29T10:38:00.000-07:00

My friend Vickie and I get together one day a week to lift each other up. We never have a lack of things to talk about and it really doesn't matter where we meet. Back in Temecula when we started our "Tuesdays Together", we met at the Barnes and Noble bookstore after I got off work. We are grateful to continue the special days and meet at various places, but always end up talking on a personal nature and a spiritual one as well.

This week we started out realizing we both have a little OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). To us this means that we get very anxious if our homes are not clean, and our daily lists are not completed, although because of their length it becomes very difficult to ever complete them.

Our discussion went to the scripture story of Mary and Martha, who were two sisters, who were apparently very good friends of Jesus Christ during the time of his ministry here on earth.

I love this picture of the event. You can see the familiarity of the key figures, they seem real, like us. So it is easy to put ourselves into the story as it unfolds in just four short verses in Luke.

Luke 10:38-42, “Now it came to pass, as they went, that He entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received Him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard His Word.But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to Him, and said, Lord, dost Thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. And Jesus answered and said unto her, “Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”

Vickie and I in discussing this scripture story had to realize we had alot of Martha in us. Having had several events that I had to prepare for in my family and in church callings, I can imagine just exactly how Martha felt. Frustrated. We only really hear about Jesus being in the home, but we know Lazarus was Martha and Mary's brother so we can safely assume he was there as well as the Disciples, who were always in the Lord's company during this period. We know Jesus taught, so we can imagine there might have even been more people following.

Can you imagine Martha fulfilling the woman's role in that day of staying in the background and serving. She probably had a great deal to prepare to feed all those visiting, setting the table up, and cleaning to make things perfect. I'm sure much of it was done particularly for Jesus to serve him. I can just picture Martha sending chilling daggers to Mary who just sat at the Saviors feet with no regard to Martha's looks and probable hand signals to assist. It is apparent her level of frustration became overwhelming when she actually approached Jesus asking Him to tell Mary to help. Being the oldest of many brothers and sisters I can see this as not only tattling, but a way to draw attention to herself and her efforts.

Poor Martha, her ploy certainly backfired. Christ did indicate that He was aware of Martha's actions, but He did not praise her. Instead he chastised and rebuked her for being distracted. He indicates that Mary had chosen the correct behavior. She was hearing, learning, and worshiping at His feet.

Hmmmm. As Vickie and I discussed this we became aware that our character includes parts of Martha (the OCDness) and gratefully our spirits are tender and we want to hear and learn from our Savior so we might some day be at His feet ourselves.

I think the world finds itself kind of in a Martha syndrome, we are too worried about appearances. There is no doubt there are things that need to be done. The Lord's house is a house of order, but there is a balance to it. If we get to the point of doing it for the wrong reasons then we have gone overboard. I'm talking in terms of homemaking for two reasons: one, that was Martha's issue, and secondly, that is my issue. But, we can insert any other "works" here. All important, but not to the point that God and Godliness don't exceed them in importance. Martha is a person of action. We can see her action is good works, helping others and that isn't bad. She was serving the Lord and others.

If Christ was in my home I can imagine that my first thoughts might be the dust on the floor, or the fact that I didn't have enough "good" food to serve Him. No, no I'm wrong. I really can't believe those would be my first actions. I will want to fall at His feet and worship Him, thank Him, cry into His lap, or crawl into His lap to be embraced. There is no need to worry about feeding all the neighbors that would gather around, afterall, He can feed thousands with so little. Martha didn't have time to realize that because she was too busy with the niceties.

Do I have to wait until Christ walks into my living room to learn from Martha and Mary? No I can change now. One of my OCD things is my list. I have to write a list every day to get the things from rattling round in my brain continually. The top of my list says Martha and Mary. Under my Martha list are a few things that I need to get done to keep an orderly home. Under my Mary list are things that will draw me closer to God, after all we are told "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." That tells me, if I be a Mary first, then all the Martha things will come too.

I kind of see the Martha things (from my point of view) are those things that might be my "image" concerns. The Mary things would be prayer, scriptures, reading in good books, listening to good music, meditation, contemplation, charity, church callings, being in touch with loved ones. My comfort zone is being busy in my house, so those are the things I always find myself doing first. That means the other things fall second. That is definitely not what the Savior said to Martha, or in so many other areas of the Scriptures.

"And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these." — Mark 12:30

I am not a scriptorian but I don't recall a 43rd or 45th commandment saying "Thou shalt make your bed every day" or "thy mirrors MUST be free of all fingerprints". So I am going to try, try, try to put aside my OCDness and my Martha-ness in favor of all that I have learned from her.

Wondering what Martha did after Christ rebuked her? We don't really know but maybe we get a hint from the story where her brother Lazarus died. Jesus was coming and Martha ran out to meet Him, to challenge Him because she knew He could do anything. Mary instead was at home probably praying, and waited until Martha returned to tell her Christ was asking for her. I'm sure Martha tried, but still this shows she was a woman of action, who wanted to get things done in her timing. Mary was more contemplative, waiting on a call from her Lord. Mary puts a spiritual response ahead of a physical response.

It is obvious these two women were both very important to Jesus, and they were both good women. But we can learn from them, from their responses, and from the few words the Lord said to them, and to us. We need to try to keep a Mary mindset in a Martha world.

Reconnecting

2011-04-21T06:54:00.000-07:00

Okay, it has already been established that I am a blessed woman. Lately one of the ways that I have truly counted blessings is in my reconnection to special people in my life. I was just laying in bed this morning amazed and I began to process the enormity of that at this particular time.

My mom has always kept in touch with old friends and family members, including cousins once, twice removed. I think it's one of the things that keeps her young. She not only enjoys the relationships, but she feels somewhat responsible for them as well. We are preparing for a Johnson family reunion next month and she has been in touch with many of her nieces and nephews to give them a personal invitation and encourage them to come. She is the only one from her generation remaining. All of her brothers and sisters and their spouses have passed away, so they all look to mom as their surrogate parent. She does a good job of making them all feel special.

She set a good example in my life, and I embraced it. My sister, Lynette, described this to me as my talent. She said I gather friends like a bouquet and it is a beautiful one. The good thing about my friend bouquet is that they never wilt. Some blooms may get lost for awhile, and others get more attention but they are always there. Many have come back into my life in the past few weeks in a remarkable burst of color. Let me tell you about some of them.

Lyn, is a foxglove. She stands tall, so tall. No, I'm really not saying that because my sister is soooo much taller than me. It's because she has a strong stem, that holds a myriad of blooms. She plays so many roles and has so many talents and does them all with strength and beauty.

Vickie is a rose. I met her in Temecula when Bud and I started having a rough road. Not in our marriage yet, but in life. Vickie was so immediately in tune with me that she knew it before I did and was there to catch my fall. She moved to Utah a few years ago, and now I'm here. We celebrate our friendship, encourage and mirror each others positive traits, every Tuesday. It's a day we try to work the rest of our life around because we build each other up. She seems to bloom more beautifully each time I see her.

Lisa is a gazania. She has faced way too many challenges, health and otherwise in the past decade. She came back into my life all the way from Arkansas. We have had the opportunity to have several long discussions over facebook and on the phone. She is a gazania because she is laying close the the ground grabbing on to the good soil wherever it is and sinking her roots in.

Samuel. I hesitate to name Sam's likeness as a flower, he just wouldn't have it. Sam was Scott's best man at his wedding so it is obvious that he has been a part of my life continually, but there has been a reconnection and a sweet new connection lately. A month or so ago I had a strong feeling that I needed to be in touch with him. There wasn't a particularly positive or negative reason, but it was strong that we needed to talk. We did, it was a nice reconnection, but neither of us could figure out the urgency of my feelings. We met in person in the next couple of weeks as we were all hanging on together with faith, as our friend Ian fought and lost his battle for life. The family, including Sam, sat in Scott's and Cynthia's family room and built strength together. What a blessing that was. I have had the opportunity to be a part of Sam's life more regularly, more intensely, and more sweetly since then. His sweet Jeanette is a sweet pea and she and Sam intertwine with each other and with others along their path.

Elaine is a carnation. She was my friend in Sun City and moved here a few years ago. We agree we had a special connection, but maybe one that was realized even more after she moved. We have loved reconnecting. Elaine fills a bouquet like a carnation. She makes it purpose and goal to enrich lives. She doesn't give up easily either, well maybe not at all. Carnatons have that sweet, but kind of spicy fragrance and that kind of describes her as well. Sweet and spicy.

Tomoe just has to be a cherry blossom. She was a foreign exchange student maybe 25+ years ago. We had alot of them, but Tomoe was the first. She along with Mikiko really attached themselves to our family and we to them. Tomoe has kept in touch very well over the years, but we kind of lost track of each other in the past 5 years or so. The earthquake wasn't close to where we last knew her to be, but Jimmy kept having concern, so I started my investigation to find her. Gratefully she is well, but concerned for her country and the people. She said that the one good thing about the earthquake is that we are connected again. She struggles to translate my notes to Japanese, and hers to English. But she is so intrigued with catching up with everyone. Unlike the cherry blossom our friendship will make it through all seasons.

Thank goodness for internet and Facebook. Last night, very late, I found two old friends from Ashburn, VA. It wasn't easy, I kind of had to become a sleuth to find them. I went to bed hardly able to sleep because I reconnected with sisters Michelle and Eileen. It is tantalizing to imagine all we have to talk about to catch up. We'll call them petunias because they are the annuals that just pop up in a garden and a bouquet when you least expect them, but you can definitely count on them.

This blog would be so lengthy if I touched on each of the other wonderful friends I connected with here in Utah since moving in January, so I will call them "babies breath". They fill in my bouquet with their amazing heavenly beauty. They have made this move and transition in my life easy, but more than that. Thank you Christine, Molly, Michelle, Jan, Tim, Jennifer, Beth, Alicia, Andrea, Cindy, Valerie, Eileen, Danny, Joe, Brenda, Candice, Ray, Shea, Barbara, and all my future "old friends" that I get to reconnect with very soon. I look forward to the spring and summer renewal of blossoming. (I know this metaphor is getting kinda corny--but it is true! C'mon, give a girl a break)

I love it. I love my friends and my beautiful friend bouquet. I don't know if this is really my talent as Lynette said, or if it is truly one of God's blessings to help me through the spots filled with manure! Love you all!

My Favorite Son

2011-04-17T12:59:00.000-07:00

I spent some time this weekend with my little Leah. Marque and Sarah went up to the cabin with some friends. When Leah fell asleep on the family room floor just before they got home I took the opportunity to catch up on Facebook. I closed the site down but later that evening a post appeared on my site declaring Marque to be my favorite son. I can't imagine how that happened, but the fact is, it's the truth. I thought I need to declare it to the world, and here are just some of the reasons. Of course I love Marque the most. He was my first born. The excitement and miracle of it all. We struggled as parents learning everything anew. But, Marque was born older and wiser than everyone in the family. Even his Dad and I, maybe even especially his Dad and I. He has always advised us. When he was 4 years old and I smacked him for hitting his brother he asked me "Howcum you hit me if you tell me not to hit?" When he was 8 we took him to buy a new bed. We were excited to get him a Captain's Bed because it had storage underneath and he was always so neat. The salesman was aghast when ready to make the sale Markie told us "I don't know why you need to buy me a new bed, my old one is just fine."

Wise beyond his years, and feeling the responsibility of the oldest child Marque has always taken care of his family. Every one of us feel his love and concern for us. We all know he is our "go to" guy when things need to be accomplished, or advise is needed.

He is so much like my father. I know my dad's spirit lives on through Marque. He is charismatic, affable, has great character traits of loyalty, integrity, and kindness. He brought himself to success without a formal education. He sets goals and masters them. Another thing that reminds me of my dad is that he wears cologne well.

Marque honors his family. What a husband and father. It is apparent to everyone that Marque feels blessed to have Sarah as his wife and Leah as his daughter. He respects his mom and dad even though we might have disappointed him along the way. He never focuses on failures, but on our successes in life and in the family. He extends that to his brothers, their wives and to his nieces. They all know they are important to Marque and they are willing to follow any advice or counsel he gives.

The extended family is massively important to him. He keeps in contact with Grandma and Herb appreciating their energy and example. Never misses a family reunion. He doesn't want to wait until he's beyond the veil to know his cousins and their families.

He touches others. It is obvious that he is not only respected but loved by those who work under him in his employment and in other capacities. He loves his neighbors and they love and admire him. I'm always proud to say I'm his mum.

There is not a week that goes by that he isn't checking on me to see if there is anything I need. What a nice safety net to have. I never expected to need that safety net, but I'm oh so glad it was there. Yep Marque is my favorite. Or is it Jim? Marque and Scott have always claimed to be the favorite, Jim always claimed they were too. He teased(?) me about that for almost his whole life. But Jim is my favorite and here are the reasons: Jim was my middle child. He came 19 months later...we were so wise by the time he came along that it was a breeze. Not really. When he was a baby he was ill. He didn't grow very much. He had lots of tests, the Dr's. were concerned and then finally when they had no answer they became unconcerned and tried to make me feel that way too. Finally we changed Dr's and he was diagnosed. Poor little guy. But he was a fighter. I'm glad he was because it served him well in his life.

Jim makes me laugh. He is a comedian. He has the timing and the jokes. He is quick witted. He makes me laugh at myself. It is really fun to see things through Jimmy's eyes. He is a bit of a pessimist too. He told me that the other day as if I didn't already know. But, even though I'm an optimist and don't know how he managed to get by that Pollyanna attitude of mine, I do see that he has to be stronger to get over that natural tendency in himself. So he fights it.

He makes goals and conquers them. He is a success too, built on a GED from high school and no college education. Self made man. He manages people who love him and his management style. He governs from within the circle of his employees not above them. They know they can joke with him and he with them. He uses this humor with his kids as well. They know they can joke with Dad, but he makes it very easy to see when he means business and that joking is not appropriate. He is so serious about his role as husband and father. He is a romantic guy (I think he gets that from his grandfather) especially on their anniversary. His goal is to make Samantha feel like a queen on their special day. His girls are definitely princesses although they are frequently given healthy doses of sarcasm for a reality check.

He has his serious side for sure. Jim isn't too proud to say that he is a sensitive man. He is an armchair psychologist, especially helping those who struggle in the same ways he did, or helping their parents. He is definitely paying it forward all the time.

Jim calls me everyday. Sometimes we get personal and talk about our own needs. I've used Jim's armchair psychology as well. And I've learned so much from him. But, usually we laugh because our lengthy conversations have a tendency to wander and it always amazes us how varied our topics are. It can start with politics, go to theology, family, then back to a spiritual vein, then on to psychology and back again. Never a dull moment.

Recently when I left he hugged me tight and said "You just can't leave me can you?" He was teasing, but his hold on me and mine on him told us both that he was my favorite. No really it's Scott. He came a four and half years after Jim. I wasn't supposed to be able to have any more children so he is our miracle. Scott is the baby, always will be. He has been told he better plan on that for his whole life. One of the things I love most about Scott is that he accepts that.

When he got two lifesaving awards through his job as a policeman I was there. As he took the stage I shouted "That's my boy!" Everyone in the room was shocked. Except Scott. I think he almost expected it. I felt bad afterward that I might have caused him embarrassment but he just shrugged it off with a smile saying that he just told people "Now you know why I'm the way I am is because of my mom." That's my boy.

Scott was never one of those kids who expected me to drop him off a block or two from school. He was never ashamed to kiss his mom goodbye right in front of school. He always admitted to being a Mama's boy, even if he didn't have any of the signs or characteristics that come with that title...except with his mom.

I do believe Scott and I had a soul to soul connection. Sometimes it went beyond parent-child. He seemed to know me better than anyone else. I remember one time Bud came home from a meeting where they described people by colors. He told me that he and everyone who knew me decided I was a red. Red is a good thing, no doubt, but to me it didn't describe me at all. Powerful, in charge, leader, go-getter etc. I was really hurt that no one really knew me, particularly my husband. When I asked Scott what color he thought described me, he said I was blue with a little yellow. Blue is basically loyal, true, and yellow is fun. Exactly the way I would describe myself. It meant alot to me.

I so appreciated that Scott was not embarrassed about his mom, but even seemed to be proud of me. He has told me several incidents that he passed on his "mom's wise advise" or cliche's to someone who was in trouble. He reminds me of positive things I have done in my life that I would have forgotten otherwise.

Scott is honest to the highest degree. I hope he always will stay that way. It is really a great trait for a police officer to have. He is a straight shooter, but he always looks at people with optimism of who they could be, and he tries to guide them in that direction.

Family is vital to him, not just important. He waited to find a bride that felt exactly the same way. He was never going to throw his family under the bus for love or money. He and Cynthia will carry their love and respect for family on to their own family. They even bought a house that they could raise a large family in without moving to give them stability It is easy to see why Scott is my favorite!

To summarize: Marque is my favorite because he helps me find humility and understand the power of success is the capability to make the lives of others better. Jim is my favorite because he helps me find humor in life and he is sensitive to others lives because he overcame his own challenges. Scott is my favorite because he not only accepts but loves me as I am, and loves each person in the world because of who they are. I must be God's favorite because he gave me these three incredible sons. Thank you Heavenly Father with all my heart.

E.Grieg Peer Gynt Suite no.1, Op 46 no.1, Morning Mood

2011-04-09T22:42:00.000-07:00

An Evening with Grieg, Brahms, and Racmaninoff

2011-04-09T21:46:00.000-07:00

"The hills were alive with the sound of music." The hills were located in Alpine, Utah and music was incredibly produced by the brand new Timpanogos Symphony Orchestra, with John Pew as the conductor and founder of the fledgling orchestra. I saw a flyer posted at a local business and two phrases drew my attention: Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 2, and Free! I am not a person who likes to go out alone on a Friday or Saturday evening, maybe it's because I don't want to appear to be friendless, but nothing was going to keep me from this entertainment. Well I won't say I was that determined. As a matter of fact last night all it took was a couple conversations on Facebook to keep me in front of the computer instead of in the audience at the premier performance of the Orchestra. But not tonight, even though I noticed how my house could use some of my time. I uttered outloud, "Oh pish posh it can wait", and then into my chest in Brick-ish (The Middle Sit-com) manner "It can wait". Grabbing my GPS to navigate my way through this new community I was off for an incredible evening. The performance was held at Timberline High School Auditorium and I really didn't expect a huge turnout so I didn't allow myself much lead time. As I drove up the street I was hugely excited and worried at the same time because there was a large number of cars parked on the street. It was great to see many were there to a cultural event. Luckily I found a parking place relatively quickly and hurried inside. Indeed the venue was crowded and I was directed to a far and high corner, but one of the benefits of being a single is the opportunity to find a lonely seat closer to the stage. I did. I'm pausing in writing this wondering if I should take this blog through my whole evening or just the serene pleasure of the music. Since the "mind talk" and the music seemed to combine into one thought pattern I will include it all.

I went down to the 4th row and there was a nice young man with his date about 4 seats in. There was a purse on the ground between the 1st and 2nd seat. When I asked the young man if the seats were being saved, he said he wasn't sure, because an old lady sat on the aisle seat earlier and that was her purse. He didn't know if the other seats were being saved by her. I was very un-Leslie like because I moved in and took one of the seats saying "I'm sure if she meant to save them all, she would have asked you to", and "I'll move if she needs them all". It was perfect timing because as I sat down the orchestra ceased their tuning and the director came to the microphone. His name is John Pew. From his emotional introduction to the evening, his biography in the program and mostly from his vibrant and expressive conducting style, I was able to recognize his passion for music and for this new orchestra. He had me ready to support, applaud, and encourage, but what a treat it was that the orchestra doesn't need me to be absolutely fabulous. They were so perfect in their response to their conductor that they just lead me right into my trance-like reverence to the music and the composers. It is probably not necessary to explain that I am not an expert. I don't know a concerto from an opus. I wonder what is in that makes a symphony a symphony. No education or knowledge of music at all, but I do know that I was given a gift to enjoy the talents of others. So as I write of these things it is from a very layman's point of view. First up was the Sabre Dance by Aram Khachaturian. As soon as they started performing this piece I recognized it. Frequently it is music played for trapeze artists, fire eaters or others who are doing something terribly courageous. It has soft parts in it as well and I found that even through the staccato my stress was melting. There is just nothing like classical music from a live orchestra that can touch my soul so quickly. Peer Gynt by Edvard Grieg was the next portion. Our music director told us that this was a familiar piece that was even used in some cartoons. I did immediately recognize "Morning Mood" and the rest of my tension liquified around my feet as I listened. But in the back of my mind I still wondered "Where was the "old lady" whose purse was still on the floor beside me?" Was she in a restroom ill? Should I go check on her? I don't know anything about her and I certainly wasn't going to ask the people around me in the middle of this performance. "Oh, Grieg it's impossible to stay worried when your music is being played so smoothly and sweetly." Concerned, yet simulataneously promising myself to become more immersed in the classics. It was an interesting internal conversation while enjoying the ebbs and flows of Griegs "Aase's Death", "Anitra's Dance", and the very familiar and strident "In the Hall of the Mountain King". Grieg has a sweet melody flow through his music. I really felt the conflict of worrying about the poor missing "old lady" through the Johannes Brahms selections. Brahms rocked my babies to sleep. I was very familiar with Brahms lullabye but not too much otherwise. I was quite surprised when we were told that Brahms was considered one of the best in his time along with the two other "B" named composers, Beethoven and Bach. How intimidating would that be? We did not hear the Lullabye we heard variations on a theme that Haydn wrote. I love to consider perspective in life. It is always interesting to see what different people see in the same piece of art, or even current events. Brahms really treated us to a lot of different perspectives of this same theme. It was recognizable, yet hardly so, as we heard eight variations of the same music. Sometimes the music was in the back of my head as my concern about the missing woman moved to alarm and then even dread. "Okay we are two thirds of the way through with the concert, even if she found another seat, why would she have not returned for her purse? I haven't heard any sirens or seen any other cause for emergency, so she must still be here somewhere. Boy if we were any where else I might really wonder about a purse left with no sign of its owner. Eeeek! What if it was a bomb or something. There are alot of people from the area here. Even the Mayor is attending. What if it is something? I shouldn't just be sitting here getting lost in the music I should alert someone. Who? Even if I went out and told someone what would they do, stop the orchestra and ask for the lady to claim her purse. Maybe she just found friends on the other side of the theater and will return at intermission. That's it. Now just relax into the music. Maybe I should just pick up the purse and set it on the seat. I could take it out to someone in the lobby at intermission. Yah, that's if I'm still here at intermission. Maybe it's set to go off at a particular time in the music....like at the cannon booms in the 1812 overture. I sure wish I knew when there was drama ahead of time in Brahms work. How can I be so concerned, yet so relaxed at the same time. Well I guess if there's a bomb in that purse then I'll definitely be gone. Oh well. No better way to go than listening to this great orchestra, I guess." "Oh no. If I'm gone then my kids and others will see how messy my house is. I KNEW I should have cleaned it. But if I had then I wouldn't be here listening to this fantastic music. Then there wouldn't be "the purse" to even worry about. But I am here, maybe I should be the one to do something. Oh, Leslie, you are so silly. This is American Fork, UT. Nothing is going to happen here. Just relax and enjoy." I got lost in the rest of Grieg's variations and in watching the enthusiasm and enjoyment of the violinists sitting directly in front of me. They created such beautiful tones as they drew their bows across the strings. I especially love the surprises that come in the minor notes. I notice a fluitist sitting in the middle so patiently waiting for her turn to play the flute. After looking at the program I see there are actually four fluitists (are they called floutists) but from my seat only the one is visible. I love the flute, but it does take a secondary place in an orchestra allowing the stringed instuments to be the stars. The very recognizable "In the Hall of the Mountain King" is hard to sit still to. I find myself tapping my foot. Then, it's over. The applause is almost like the end of the entire event. But there is a promise of more to come. It's intermission. Turning to the gentleman to my left I stated the obvious, "The lady never came." Duh. I headed out to see if I could find anyone to share my concern, fear, obligation to the lady. After locating an usher he told me that if after intermission it was still there to bring him the purse. Well there, anyway I told someone so if a bomb blows us all up at least I wasn't the only one who knew. Besides I was just being crazy. I returned to my seat half expecting the purse to be gone along with the owner to the other side of the theater. But no, it was still there, but also there was another gentleman who joined a group behind me. I grabbed my jacket and headed up a row or two to a perfect location for the next selection. I sat down wishing that I had someone I could share my appreciation of the orchestra as a whole and each individual talent that made up the orchestra. But then again I could comfortably sit in my seat without feeling like I was taking too much space from my neighbor, and I could even overflow onto the next seat with my jacket and purse. I knew this was a prime spot to enjoy the piano soloist. I could enjoy every stroke of the ebony and ivory. To top it off it was Rachmaninoff who has been one of my favorites from way back when. The director told us some very interesting information about Rachmaninoff, about his size, 6 foot 6 inches, and his bouts of depression and overcoming it to write this concerto. He told us also that this was the favorite piece of classical music next to Beethoven's 9th. I wouldn't even have known how to vote on that because I don't know the names of the selections. I do always say that Rachmaninoff is one of my favorites for the variety and passion in his music, and that I love Vivaldi for his sweetness. That's the thing about classical music it can take you to places that are so sweet and tender and then to powerful and foreboding places that might be recognizable to those parts of us that are tormented. The music chosen for this occasion though was powerful but more in attitude than in darkness. I was grateful for this because probably the bomb would have definitely gone off in my mind. Once I was settled into my new seat I just forgot the "Old Lady", the purse, and the bomb. I was exactly where Rachmaninoff, Conductor Pew, and pianist Shumway wanted me to be. I was putty in their hands. What excruciatingly beautiful talent they possess. Shumway was powerful in his keystrokes. I couldn't believe the trills and runs up the piano. Rachmaninoff had huge hands, but Shumways had great magic as they performed with agility the nimble moves this piece required. He didn't have much time for his hands to rest but I noticed when he did he dropped them to his sides. He occasionally would shake them to possibly get the blood to flow? Jeffrey Shumway is most likely younger than myself, but I thought about the joints, muscles and nerves in my own hands, and wondered if these things were a challenge to him. If they were the only possible evidence was that momentary drop to the side because his talent was magical. He and the conductor were in sync with their signals to one another and I'm sure there were many practices and rehearsals. They were rewarded with a wild standing ovation that gave them the opportunity to come back for well deserved multiple bows. I was swept away and it was only as I was driving away that I remembered the poor little old lady who didn't have her purse. I will definitely be at the orchestra's next appearance on June 4th at the American Fork Auditorium. In the meantime I am going to start reading up on my favorite composers and start listening a little more to Grieg and Brahms than to Oprah and Ellen. Thank you!!

I Love You!

2011-04-03T17:31:00.001-07:00

I was looking into the mirror today and found myself grinning at the image I saw, and then I impulsively said "I Love You!" Surprised that I said this to me, I took a moment, then said even more surely "Yep, I love you Leslie Trosper!"

There is a chance that by modern standards there wasn't a lot to love....or maybe too much to love, but that didn't matter. I wasn't looking at the large, round face with the eyebrows too far apart, and the hair too thin. My love wasn't declared because of super white teeth, or a perfect complexion. It was said to the person others seem to see, that God sees. I finally caught a glimpse of that person.

Have to admit I have been stalking her for a while. Trying to catch the me that others said was there. Every once in a while I would get a glimpse as she rounded the corner, but it was always me staring back in the mirror.

Several years ago I asked someone why people saw me differently than I saw myself, and was told; "Others see you as you have the potential of becoming." "Oooooh" I replied not understanding at all. But I tried to accept compliments without denial or apologies. I would simply tell myself that I had something to live into. If they said I was wise, then I had to learn to be wise. If I was praised for my writing, then I would need to learn to write more and better.

The other day I was invited to be in a Toastmasters Club. I thought that might be really good for the person in me who wants to write and speak, and maybe I might even meet a few people who would help me move toward publishing. My friend gushed to the invitor, "Leslie could teach that class!" Thinking to myself "No way, Jose. Are you kidding me?" I replied out loud; "Thank you for the compliment", and gave myself a challenge to live into what she was already declaring to be true.

Another thing is that I just returned from a trip to California. My family and many friends made me feel so special. My friends shower me with compliments and fighting for time. They tell me they miss me, that they need me to bolster courage, give them hope, and have fun. My family teases the heck out of me. They tell me I have T-rex arms, smile funny, embarrass them, and spend entirely too much time with strangers, but I know, KNOW how much love they tease with. So with compliments or teasing I feel very unique, and loved. Also, the apostles speaking at conference were telling me what the Lord believes too. It's even convincing me...even if just for the moment.

So this morning when I looked in that mirror, I caught that Leslie that everyone else seems to know for just a moment....and she is pretty awesome. I love you Leslie Trosper.

Think to keep this feeling going for awhile I will avoid all mirrors and all pictures. I will choose to see the me that God and my dear ones see.

Ian Dykstra

2011-03-30T13:29:00.001-07:00

Ian Dykstra passed away recently. He was a pedestrian who was hit by a speeding automobile on Newport and Haun in Menifee, CA. Many people cared about Ian, and even as he was fighting death, and probably desiring it at times, his spirit touched many people's lives. Several friends launched a special prayer request on Facebook and many people who knew and didn't know this young man joined their faith in prayer for Ian and his family.

Ian was a neighbor and a friend to my kids who lived in Lake Elsinore. He was in high school when they first met him. Jim and his family even attended Ian's high school wrestiling matches. The family joined in block parties and a number of neighborhood activities.

Ian would have been 22 on April 21st. Which is the same birthdate as my sister, Karen, who was killed many years ago in a similar incident. They both had brain damage, were in comas, and eventually were allowed to leave this earth because the damage was too great to move on. Karen was taken off life support and expired on March 30, 1979, and her funeral was on April 6th. Ian passed earlier this week and his funeral will be the 2nd of April. She would have turned 25 that month.

Both too young. Both left this earth life with us wondering what they missed, and what we miss not having them here. Ian touched my family very intensely, and I believe his life, and his death will continue to touch people. I know specifically of a few who are searching for answers in faith for Ian and themselves. Ian sacrificed so often for people he loved, and in death he gave his kidneys and his liver. Another similarity to my sister is that she also gave of herself after death. In her case she gave her eyes and her kidneys. Both families knew that this is what they would WANT to do because that's the kind of people they were.

Apparently another similarity is that Karen and Ian were not innocent in the accidents that took them first into a coma, and then beyond the veil of this life. Karen was driving a shuttle bus at the Salt Lake City Airport, and though she was driving very slow and kept all of her passengers safe, she didn't hook her own seatbelt and when she was hit by a reckless driver she hit the steering wheel leading to her lung, heart, and brain damage. If she had buckled the seat belt she probably would have survived. Ian apparently stepped into the crosswalk before he had the green light and the other driver sped up to beat the yellow light hitting Ian.

In my job as an insurance agent I had the opportunity to talk to teenagers just as they got their licenses. One of the things I talked about, even using my sister's accident as a point, was that you always have to stay in the moment. Will we remember to learn from Ian and Karen to be patient and cautious? A moment made a difference in their lives and made a difference to all of us who love them?

I don't really believe in horoscopes but it was hard not to when I found that Ian and Karen were born on the same day. They had very similar character traits, and I believe and have faith that their spirits will continue to work and move forward on the other side of the veil. I'm grateful for that faith. When my sister died it was the first time my faith was tested. I knew then that I really did have faith in the things I hoped I believed. That same faith helps me with Ian's passing, and hopefully will help me express it to those who wonder "Why?"

Jimmy too. He was 8 years old when Aunt Karen passed away. The casket was open and I gave him the option of saying goodbye to her. He said wisely "It's okay mommy. That isn't Aunt Karen. It's just like a clam leaves the shell behind when he dies. That's just Aunt Karen's shell. She is still with us, and will always be watching over us." I know the loss of his good friend, Ian has been desperately difficult for him emotionally. But Jim understands that there is more. This isn't an end, it is just a new chapter. He will have the opportunity to feel his spirit everyday, and he will see his friend Ian another day. We all can.

Thanks to Hailey for her computer, and her pictures for this blog. Thanks Ian for being the person you have been, for making our lives better because we knew you.

Words to Live By--Balance

2011-03-09T22:10:00.000-08:00

I love the opportunity to observe, write, and then ponder on various words. Words have power. I believe they can provoke thought and then change. There are so many words that empower each one of us. I am journaling on words that produce strong emotion in me.

Balance. I don't have much balance in my life and its one of those things I chase alot. I don't think I'm alone. Isn't it human nature to do what is easiest first, and put off those things that don't come as naturally? I recognize the importance of balance. If we only do what is fun, then we may not achieve those things that might come with hard work. If we totally focus on the laborious tasks we have to accomplish then we don't enjoy our lives as much as we should.

I remember a day that was particularly eyebrow raising as a mother. My oldest son was very involved in planning his future, setting goals, and being very serious about it. I leaned into his room and reminded him "it's great you are making such great plans, but remember to take time to stop and smell the roses too. Tomorrow is important, but so is today." I went down the stairs to catch my second son involved in some very momentary pleasures and not doing his homework. I caught myself as I said to him "It's always nice to enjoy the moment, but you need to look forward too. It isn't all about fun, plan for tomorrow too."

There I was recognizing that we don't want to be lopsided as we live this life we were given. I haven't found anything, except perhaps love that in excess is not harmful. Iguess even love could be "too much" if unrequited or harrassing.

I realize it's crazy but I love to clean house and to organize. It is a very satisfying pasttime to me. I guess it's because I get a pretty immediate reward for my labors. If I am feeling out of sorts it works to tear apart, then organize a closet, or scrub a floor. That's great for having a clean house but recently when I moved my kids teased me when they found I had even organized left over napkins, utensils, and straws from take out restaurants. When I am busy doing those things that come easy to me, am I putting off other important tasks, or self fulfilling and healthy options?

It seems I put ME at the bottom of my "to do" list. Since I am a list writer I've tried to divide my daily plans into a more balanced schedule. Physical, House, Errands, Social, Spiritual, and Financial are the headings. In the social area I migh include phone calls I want to make to family and friends, or notes I intend to write. Spiritually I may include writing in my journal, visiting teaching, reading uplifting books, or time to ponder and pray.

My intent is to include balance in my daily activities. More often than not I find I do the household chores before the others....it's my comfort zone. So I try to do one from each section and then repeating the process. When I am successful I feel I am more balanced. I don't just go to bed in a clean house, but I have moved myself and my other goals a little further along too.

Right now I am trying to lean the balance toward becoming a more healthy me. I'm trying to get exercise in on a daily basis, and I am spending time preparing healthier foods, and actually taking time to eat.

I recognize that emotional and spiritual balance are so important in those goals as well. I need to include the Lord in my plans, being grateful for successes, and asking for his help when I don't succeed. Al;so, writing in my jourhal, reading scriptures, and meditating help me put all of my goald in their proper priority.

It is still hard to fight old habits. There will always be something to keep me from taking care of me. I need to keep working to find that "balance" in my daily life. I am a Libra (scales) after all and "balance" is the key. Yesterday I was so proud of myself that when running short of time, I chose to leave my bed unmade and go to exercise. It felt like a battle won, putting me ahead of my house. In the whole scheme of things I think my health has more importance than a made bed.

Remember that Les as you try to keep balance in your life.

Postscript: I was telling Jim about my little list change and he told me that it really wasn't much of a change at all. He said "You have always had a list Mom, and every once in awhile you change it up, but it always had something to do with breaking things down, and putting balance into it." He also said "You spell it O C D Mom."
He also gave me a few hints about how he lists and priortizes the things he does. The major difference is that he doesn't list over 100 things to do a day he targets three of the most important things, and he accomplishes them. He also said I shouldn't go back and add things done that were not originally scheduled goals.

I dunno Jim, that might be a whole other kind of balance. I'll have to wean myself from my rather organized, copious list.

Words to Live By--Believe

2011-02-27T19:21:00.000-08:00

I have a little pillow hanging on my doorknob, it says "Believe, 'All things are possible if you believe'." The actual quote from Mark 9:23 King James version says "Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things [are] possible to him that believeth."

There are so many things I believe and it does make things possible--maybe because I simply "Believe". Some quick things that come to mind are:
1) I Believe God created us to have joy. Because I believe that I look for joy even when things are tough, and, I find joy everywhere.
2) I Believe all people are good. I usually don't have a problem finding the good in everyone. Maybe they don't "believe" they are good, so they may take a path away from the good in them--but intrinsically they will find their way back when they learn, then "believe" they are good.
3) I believe we can learn from our trials, challenges, and mistakes. We have to own them first,
then "believe" we can do better, and help others too.
4) I believe by leaning on the Lord we can overcome and do things way beyond our perception of our capabilities.

Okay, now here's the negative. If all things are possible if we believe then that would mean the converse is true--things aren't possible if you don't believe. So maybe that's the reason I can't find the energy to walk, to exercise. Maybe because I believe I can't lose weight, I don't. So if change that mind set to "I believe I can lose weight"--then it should be possible . That's kind of exciting because I do intently agree with that scripture, and it doesn't say--most things are possible of you believe, it says ALL things are possible if you believe. So it must be. I need to change that belief that I can't lose weight. How do I change my belief system? Affirmations maybe?

Belief--All things are possible if you believe.
I believe I am a Child of God.
I believe God wants me to be healthy
I believe if I exercise each day I will be more healthy.
I believe if I drink water I will be healthy
I believe if I eat good things I will have a healthier body.
I believe if I do these things I will lose weight which will also help me to be healthier.
I believe these things are possible if I believe.

As I am writing this article I am thinking of our Articles of Faith which with the exception of #11 all begin with "We believe" . These are 13 short statements that explain the "Beliefs" of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

I am grateful to know all things are possible if I believe. I am grateful to believe in positive, hopeful things that I want to be possible. As I struggle with conflicts of my soul, or my life, I can be directed very quickly to just adjusting my belief system so that I can move forward,.

Words to Live By

2011-02-25T22:19:00.001-08:00

I have always loved words. There are so many positive quotations or cliches that I have committed to memory, and I collect so many others. Even pondering a simple word can change my course.

Several friends gave me journals when I left Southern California. They know that I think alot and like to record some of those thoughts. One of the journals was labeled "hope" which happens to be one of my favorite words, so I decided to write on individual words in that journal starting with hope. Since then I have written down 52 words to write journal entries or blogs about. These are words I like to live by, starting with hope.

I think "hope" has become my favorite word in the English language. In Spanish "esperanza" is hope and it is a beautiful word too. Hope might be the difference between moving forward through trials and challenges, and sinking into the quicksand of despair. Those who have hope might be described as optimists, and those who live in regret and despair as pessimists.

I imagine God sending our little spirits down with certain gifts or talents. How lucky is the little spirit who receives the gift of "hope" already installed as a standard item. It can always be added as an optional feature of spirituality even if it wasn't standard equipment entering earth life. As with most traits we want to acquire, a spirit of hope can be developed.

If you are looking at life as "Poor me. Why do the bad things always happen to me?" That that is what you'll find. If you are determined to look forward "with a perfect brightness of hope" that is what you will find.

God doesn't give us trials--life does. Satan makes them bigger and badder if we let him. God gives us hope and help if we just ask Him. I've read alot of scriptures and quotations on hope and they all indicate hope comes from God. So really, all we need to do is open our hearts, and our despair, frustration, grin thoughts can turn to hope. Hope for a path to take, for a rainbow in our lives, for gratitude, for love, knowledge, even joy.

In my own trials I found that I was given the gift of hope, and yes I am an optimist. It's not always a popular attitude in a very sad world. People think there is something terribly wrong when things are tough and you aren't angry and you don't groan enough. There is always sadness and grieving, but that is a different thing than giving into it, or giving up. I began to think there was something wrong with me, so I tried to find those attributes of unhappiness--crazy!! That did make me unhappy. Then I realized the tremendous difference in hope which I saw as looking forward and upward, and in regret which involves looking backward and downward.

Even in momentary times of despair, we can embrace hope for a better tomorrow.

Catching Up!

2011-02-21T19:43:00.000-08:00

It seems impossible that my last post was in October. My life has been such chaos since that time. I think it is all becoming more normal again.

I found out in October that I would be moving in November. But I didn't know where. I started analyzing all my options, which I was so fortunate to have. So many friends and family members offered me a place to stay....I couldn't believe the love I felt. There were many reasons (mostly friends) I wanted to stay in Sun City specifically, also it was one of the most affordable opportunities, but that would mean continuing to drive to Chino every day to work. That was true of many of the friends offers. Of course I considered moving to Utah...both St. George and Utah County areas. But that would mean leaving Jimmy, Samantha, Hailey, Mady, Scott, Cynthia, and Grace in addition to all my California friends.

One thing I really became convinced of is that I needed my own space. I realized that even if someone would let me live with them, it would require them giving up so much, and that would be so difficult for me....even if they were willing. Frankly, I fully grasped the reality that I have lost so much in the past few years, and now I was losing my house, I needed to try to keep my own identity and my own nest.

I have always been a "nester". It is so easy for me to relate my family to a "bird family". Putting together a nest with my "bird husband" built of twigs and string. But using those twigs and string to make the most comfortable and beautiful little home I possibly could. My little birdies lived in that nest happily for their entire lives, until their own maturity pushed them out of the little nest. But I continued to put my very best into whatever nest my mate and I occupied, adding special touches to make it home.

My things, are just things. I don't stop grandchildren from touching and playing, and if it's broken, "Oh well!". Individually they don't cost a lot, or mean alot, but wholly they define me.
I couldn't imagine taking a room away from someone, and I couldn't live within one room myself.

My employers laid me off which allowed me to start over entirely. I miss the job, the clients so much. I understand they miss me too which I'm thankful for. Of course I miss the Sun City Ward, my family, and so so many friends. After all I have lived in California since I was 15 1/2 and I am a person who keeps friends close.

Here I am in American Fork, UT. I was one lucky person that Marque and Sarah own a cute little townhouse that was to be vacated exactly when I needed it. That is more than luck I would say. It is so cute. A little colonial style two story that has a living room with a bay window, a dining room, kitchen with a laundry closet and a downstairs guest bathroom. Upstairs there are two large bedrooms and a large bathroom. I will take and post pictures later. I love it! I hope I'm not causing too much of a loss for my landlords...I think I am paying pretty close to what the previous tenants paid (although I think he was generous to them as well). Spending time with them and getting to know my little Leah is so delightful!

Today it was warm enough to go to the play center in back of my house. There are lots of slides and she had such fun. Then we walked Scooter (she calls him Kootoo). After that we walked to McDonalds which is about a block away for some McNuggets and play time with a million American Fork kids who were off school for Presidents Day. Holy Cow!! Leah plays with me like a big doll. She puts me to bed (on the rocking chair in her room) , covers me, gives me a stuffed animal, book, a kiss on my brow, and says "Go to sleep now. I love You. Sweet Dreams". Then she backs out of the room holding her hand up and says "I be right back, one second." Does that give you an idea of her parents rituals with her? Lucky little girl, lucky gramma.

My computer wasn't working for the longest time, but I had enough to do unpacking so I didn't worry too much about it. But Sarah did. She was persistent and got it fixed for me, and also figured out the best internet option, so now I am able to get back to my blogs, facebook, e-mail, and maybe eventually Farmville.

So here I am. I've left family and special friends in California. I appreciate all the farewells and kind words. I have family and special friends here in Utah. My trans-ported Chino friends threw me a welcome party, and I have had so many welcoming words. It is fun looking forward to getting together with more. This week alone I had Leah today, tomorrow I see Vicki who is a Temecula friend, Wednesday I have lunch with Marie who is a Chino Hills, and Virginia friend, Thursday I am going up to see Terry and Karen's new house. They are friends from Sun City. Next weekend I will be spending time with my sister, Lynette and her family.

So you can see how blessed I am. Thank you Marque and Sarah for giving me a place to call my own. A beautiful place.

Love's Masterpiece

2010-10-30T13:18:00.000-07:00

When Jimmy was born he had tons of dark hair. He actually was covered with fuzz all over his body. We called him our little monkey. On the top of his head in the middle of this dark hair he had a spot about the size of a quarter where his hair was totally white. When going through the hair to the scalp we found there was no pigment in his skin either. He had several other spots that didn't have pigment on his body as well. Just something to make him a little different. Later on you couldn't even tell that he had that spot because his hair went totally blonde for many years. Now he does still have that spot, but on his bald head it is not as obvious as it was when he was a little baby.

Here is the poem I wrote for him when he was 3 months old, almost 39 years ago.

Loves Masterpiece

My baby is love's masterpiece.
From the top of his head, to the tips of his toes,
He's our own very special someone,
Who amazes us as each day comes and goes.

He has a small tuft of brown and blonde hir,
His eyes are full of stars and shining all the while.
A tiny pug nose in a pert little face, and
His mouth is always in a three cornered smile.

My curious little baby, arms flailing in the air,
Hands groping and clasping his new world,
To touch tenderness and love,
His tiny closed fingers are quickly unfurled.

Best of all is his bright personality,
Warming the hearts of his family.
Giving an extra important meaning,
To the lives of his brother, Mommy and Daddy.

"Special Moments"

2010-10-24T13:35:00.000-07:00

I was 18 when Bud and I got married. We ended up in Vegas after a long battle deciding whether to wait to get sealed in the temple (Bud had just joined the church), or have a church wedding, I went to Colorado and South Dakota for the summer. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder", and we decided we wanted to be together sooner rather than later. Of course when you are 18 you don't realize what a baby you really are, so sooner didn't seem so crazy then.

Always one to focus on having a marriage, family, and the "happily ever after", I really never had any other goals even though my grades and intelligence probably would have allowed for a different walk in life. Back then it didn't even occur to me that I could have both. I wanted a baby right away. Every little one I saw I would turn to Bud, with my little puppy eyes and say,
"I want one", like a baby was something in a store window you could just order from Santa Claus. Bud, believe it or not, was more practical. He was 24 so I guess he knew how young I was and how long we had to have and raise children. Also, he wanted to have a house first. So we worked toward that goal. In January, 1968 we got our first home. I was barely 20.

That goal accomplished I was immediately ramping up the conversation about that baby I wanted. We had been married a year and 1/2 and we had enjoyed the time together. We were able to be spontaneous and loved time at the beach, battles of the bands, movies, camping. We really "dated". I thought a baby would only add to that happiness. Finally about a year later Bud agreed that we could stop trying not to, and let nature take it's course. We were so excited when we finally knew that baby was on it's way.

This was pre "natural birth", pre "pampers", pre knowing what the sex was until the baby was born. We honestly were shocked that our first was a boy. We were sure that we would only have girls because of the high count of females on both sides of the family. But we had that little boy, and then began the adventure of being a parent.

Marque was the first so all the newness was there, the excitement, the fear, the wonderment of parenting this little life. I've always said he pretty much raised himself, not because we weren't there every step of the way, but because he is a wise spirit so we could just guide him without too much effort.

When he was two I wrote a little poem after I realized that I wanted to try to catch this little guy's antics on paper. Hard to do, but when I read it again I remember those special moments so well of my little two year old. This was the first poem I ever wrote, ever.... I think it might be special to Marque because it was written when he was exactly the same age as Leah is now.

Special Moments

Cars and trucks zoom, Jack-in-the-box pops,
Everything is going busily,
Then from across the room,
My two year old shouts, "I yuv you Mommy."

His head bowed, eyes peering up,
Knowing he's been very naughty,
With inborn psychology,
He looks at me, and says, "I yuv you Mommy."

Crawling on my lap, arms clasping my neck,
As he gives me a hug every so tightly,
This is the best time of all,
When he whispers, "I yuv you Mommy."

I found some pictures I was going to scan of Marque at two, but my scanner/computer aren't talking so I will have to add them later.

Marque, Mommy yuvs you!

The Accordian Folder

2010-10-23T10:50:00.001-07:00

My kids LOVE to kid me. They are great comedians and I guess I'm good material. For my 60th birthday celebration I actually asked them to do a roast....what was I thinking? Do you really ask for someone to torture you. They did, but it was great fun. I thought I needed to write a few of these things down for my huge following, and so my posterity can remember what a dork their grandmother was, and also see what dorky kids I have and love so much.

This one is Jimmy's take on my Accordian Folder:

"My mom kept her bills in this brown accordian folder. Though it's an extremely efficient tool my mother unintentionally used it as a device of spine wrenching horror. When that binder came out from the entertainment center the huffs, moans, and whining began. It made it virtually impossible to watch tv and ignore her.

'Oh my gosh! We are so in the hole!' And 'how are we going to survive this week?' All questions directed to us with no answer for us to give. It got to the point that when that folder came out we were gone. I don't mean we strolled out, I mean we ran as if Armagedon was nipping at our heels.

Out and out, she did the job she wanted to do. Kept us fed, sheltered, and many days of fun adventures. It's kinda like that experimental medicine they advertise on tv. See, it does it's job, but you'll always have that lawyer at the end.

*Commercial*
"If you're having bill stress, just take one dose of Leslie's folder and you'll be in spirits in no time!"

Lawyer (undertone and fast) "Could cause traumatic childhood memories, can cause irritability, misery, guilt, and the yearning to eat just bread and water for the rest of your natural born life!"

Strange that my kids saw it that way...even in jest. I always remember thinking that kids shouldn't know or feel responsible for finances in the home. I did believe in them feeling part of the family by learning and doing chores, but they are children so they shouldn't worry about money situations. That was my belief, but apparently that "Accordian Folder" had a Mom/Dr. Jekyll effect on me that I had no control over. But, I did do the job, as Jimmy said. I don't think of us realized that we didn't make half the money that our neighbors did because I could stretch a penny like none other.

Yep I'm angry!

2010-10-18T04:27:00.000-07:00

I don't often feel anger. But, for the past couple of weeks I am very angry, and it's directed at my own body. I am always quick to count the blessings too, so I recognize and appreciate the good things about my body. It's amazing the way my lungs pull oxygen in then push out the carbon dioxide, and how my heart beats in such an amazing fashion flushing the blood through it to my entire body. I am grateful for eyes that see (though less these days), a brain that retains memories (though less these days), arms that embrace, and legs that carry me where I need to go. But that being said it just isn't doing the job it is supposed to do for me.

Last Monday I was laying in bed knowing it was time to get up for work, but instead I just lay there unable to will myself out of bed. As I lay there I felt each muscle as it throbbed it's very own pulse. Massaging my arms I felt knots and bruises everywhere I touched. I found myself singing "The head bone's connected to the neck bone, the neck bone's connected to the shoulder bone". I realized that each muscle, bone and nerve in my body was pulsing to the rhythm of the song and there was an intensity to it throbbing together yet separately. It was no wonder I was so tired.........so extremely exhausted.

In spite of alot of medical issues I "keep on keeping on", except that sometimes, it all hits at once. In Lupus they call that a flare, in fibromyalgia they call it an episode....no matter "it is what it is". There are a few patterns that include my own behavior, other people's choices, and stressful situations that contribute, but one never knows, really. The pain causes exhaustion which causes more pain, etc. It's all very cyclical,

When we were back east this summer my sister, Susan, and I were talking about how grateful we were that her Multiple Sclerosis, and my Lupus weren't as bad as some people dealing with the same issues. Thank you Heavenly Father for that blessing and also for our resilience in the face of those diseases. Susan teaches me how to be patient with suffering, as does my son, who also has an autoimmune disease. I did call attention to the fact that our sister, Lynette, had so much more energy, moved so much better, and was able to take alot of extra steps that we couldn't. Perhaps that's how we could be if we didn't have our diseases.

Recently my family planned a day to the Pumpkin Patch. I was excited to go on this traditional outing with my kids and grandkids, but it came with an awareness that I'm not able to run and do the things I want to do. It came with a price of pain the next day, and the following days. Thank goodness I had already recognized that I couldn't do the Knott's Berry Farm trip with them the next day. That's where the anger comes in....I want my body to function so that I can enjoy all there is to enjoy, so that I can serve all those who need to be served, so that I don't have to look into a crystal ball to see if what I do today will be too hard on my tomorrow's.

I lived for 20 years with back pain. After surgery in 1994 I consider it a miracle that I was one of the lucky one's who was given my life back. I missed so much of my kids lives because of that pain. I felt like I cheated them. Now I feel the same way about missing moments and memories with my grandkids because I am in pain, or if I overdo I will be in pain.

Yep, I am angry with this body. I'm grateful to know that I can feel anger, even if it is with my disfunctioning parts. I'm grateful that in spite of those disfunctioning parts I am still able to function, most of the time. I'm grateful that I have family and friends who understand, remind and forgive me that I can't always do what I want to do.

Well it's 5:30 am so I guess I will try to go back to bed so I can bound out of bed in a couple hours and face another Monday! Yah right....bound out of bed....stupid body!

It's all about LOVE!

2010-09-26T08:13:00.000-07:00

Isn't it all about LOVE? We sometimes make life so confusing and overwhelming, but I think it is all pretty simple. Just love.

God spells it out pretty clearly for us when he tells us that the first great commandment is " love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. " He also said "and the second is like unto it, thou shalt Love thy neighbour as thyself". We are told that these are the two greatest commandments and everything else hangs on them.

Every morning I open my front door and breathe in the day the Lord has made. It makes it so easy for me to feel His love and to give him my love and gratitude. I start my morning prayers with thankfulness for what is right in front of me, "the air I breathe, the varieties of trees and flowers, the birds". What is amazing is that when I say I am thankful for the birds, they seem to multiply and sing even more beautifully, the grass is greener, the sky bluer. Sometimes I am amazed that this is "the lone and dreary world". It makes me wonder at the beauty the Celestial world will hold for us. When I look at my granddaughter's sweet faces I feel His love so innocently, so completely. How blessed I am. It is apparent the Lord does love me and I feel his love enveloping me. This love makes me want to open my heart more fully so His love can fill every corner. I actually experience taking down the fences, even the barbed wire from around my heart when I open my heart to him.

I always understood and found it very easy to love my neighbor, but tended to forget the other part of that commandment "as you love yourself". How many of us have a difficult time loving ourselves? Sometimes we don't love ourselves because we get stuck in the world's image of who we should be. We forget that we were created by Him, in His image, that makes us unique, special, important, and a Child of God. We cannot mock that. We must look beneath the covering and see the jewel inside. If we aren't afraid of rejection because we see ourselves as God sees us, then it is so much easier to reach out of ourselves to give others love.

One thing that was harder for me was to allow others to love me. I have learned to do that. There are so many people who care for me and want to help me through my rough patches that it has really helped me to open my heart for their love to enter in. My children are so ready to give of what they have for me. It has been difficult to want them to sacrifice for me, yet I have felt their willingness, so I have learned to be more humble in accepting their gifts of love. Friends have opened their hearts and homes to me, literally, and I feel so blessed by their love. All challenges, all trials can be overcome with love.

I sat in the living room of good friends the other day with a group of people who were going to the temple together. Unable to make it to the temple that night because of a fire that made the roads impassable, we ended up back at this home. There was a group of around 20. Our wonderful Bishop stood and shared a word of love, and a blessing upon all of us. Another person asked a question of him and all of us shared. I felt consumed by the love in the room. This is what it's all about.

Love is not a noun it is a verb. It requires action predicated by a feeling. It can compound so easily...when one gives love it is a rule of nature that it will be increased and you WILL get it back. If you open your heart to the Lord, He will help you remove the fences, walls, and barbed wire prickles of pain so that you are able to receive and give more love.

So it is simple--

Love God with everything you have....receive His love with all your heart.
Love yourself....have more of yourself to give.
Love your neighbor....they will love you to the greatest capacity that you can imagine.

Simple, not overwhelming. If we love God then we will have no problem tithing, sacrificing time and energy for our callings, reading His word, recognizing and being grateful for His gifts, etc.

If we love ourselves then we save wasted energy feeling sorry for ourselves. We will understand that we have the power within us to overcome trials, to make choices on how we will deal with the challenges. We find it important to live the Word of Wisdom, and take care of our bodies physical, emotional and spiritual health and then we are more able to reach out to others with love.

If we love our neighbor then it is easy to fufill our stewardships to our family, in the community, and in our church callings, especially visiting and home teaching. We will forgive easily those who harm us, and we will not judge others. How could we be unforgiving and judgemental if we truly feel that spirit of love? We certainly don't want to get overwhelmed living our lives, or the gospel, we just need to love and everything else will fall into place.

"...where troubles melt like lemon drops"

2010-09-19T09:11:00.000-07:00

Today on The Spoken Word I heard the most beautiful rendition of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" I have ever heard, including Judy Garland's which has always been my favorite. The "word" was that we were to close off the noise of the world and find peace in quiet, in stillness.

I was laying in bed trying to will myself up to get ready for church and the days meetings but I have been having a bit of a Lupus flare, so I have been pretty much non-functioning for the past few days. On top of that I just learned they are auctioning my house next month, so essentially I am homeless.

Although my Lupus flare speaks otherwise because it can come from stress, I have really come to terms with this additional loss. Like my marriage ending, this has nothing to do with me. It comes about from circumstances. I'm sure I have made mistakes along the way, but essentially I had no more control from this financial disaster than someone who loses their home in a natural disaster like flood or tornado. I usually do have more control with what happens in my life than I have had the last few years, so it has allowed me to come even closer to my Heavenly Father and to rely on the Savior. What a blessing that has been.

So, this morning as I lay in bed I listened to "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and my spirit was taken over the rainbow. I felt myself soaring among beautiful fluffy clouds with the birds at my shoulder leading me in peaceful dips and turns to a place where "troubles melt like lemon drops". What peaceful joy to know there is a place beyond the rainbow where we can let our spirits soar unburdened by the weights of the world. We don't need to leave this earth to feel it we can just give ourselves a moment with the Lord and He will lead us there to be renewed, refreshed, dipping in and out of the clouds so that when we are set firmly on the ground we can gather our little troubles around us and lilt through the day with gratitude, hope and peace surrounding us.

Even though it isn't the version that I heard this morning please listen to the following rendition of "Somewhere over the Rainbow" and let your spirit relax and renew.

Over the Rainbow-Liriel & Mormon Tabernacle Choir

2010-09-19T09:04:00.000-07:00

Late Night Visits

2010-07-21T13:39:00.001-07:00

I hear Grace, my newest granddaughter, is doing very well sleeping at night. I was talking to Scott and Cynthia about how hard sleepless nights can be with a baby in the house but sometimes they are the most special moments.

Here is a poem I wrote about Scott when he was 8 months old.

Late Night Visits

It's two o'clock in the morning,
And though the hours flee,
We're enjoying each others company,
My little baby and me!

Daddy and brothers are sleeping,
So we're having our own little tete a tete,
Oh the secrets we're sharing,
Little Scott Andrew and me!

Chatting, tickling, laughing,
Pick him up and hug tightly,
He tastes so sweet, we're cuddling.
My little baby and me!

He runs around investigating,
Feeling really free,
Cuz "no no's" we're ignoring,
My little "turkey" and me!

Scotty's yawning, head nodding,
Into bed tucked tightly,
Late night visit is sweetly ending,
For my little baby and me.

It is so special to know that Grace still allows Mommy and Daddy to occasionally enjoy their "Late Night Visits".

My Homey-Do List

2010-07-13T12:49:00.000-07:00

My home teacher was coming over today. He always asks me if there is anything he can do. I usually can't think of a thing and he seems disappointed. Today I decided to make a list for him....which led to this poem.

Always had a man around
Now I don’ t know who to call
When having a drip, drip, drip,
Or hanging pictures on a wall

Spiritual needs have to be met
A healing, a blessing, and all
When you’re a sister all alone
Wondering who to call.

Used to just ask hubby
To accomplish the "honey-do" needs,
To wash my car, paint the fence,
Rid the flower bed of weeds.

What, When How and Who?
Who will take on this honey do list?
Who is there to answer the call?
My Home Teacher would be my guess!

My homey can do my "homey-do’s"
He wants to, he begs to, it's really true!
Every month before the visit is through,
He asks for the list of things he can do.

He’ll take out the trash,
Pat my back, give a blessing,
Fix the darn disposal
While teaching a lesson.

It’s nice to know when I don’t have a honey
I have a Homey to follow through.
Thanks my brother, my friend
For wanting to do my "homey-do’s"!

Thank you Brother Ransier for being such a good homey, you’re amazing!
Leslie Trosper July 13, 2010

Hurrah, hurrah for the 4th of July!

2010-07-04T03:30:00.000-07:00

I was awakened at 2:15 a.m. by the realization that it is the 4th of July. I lay there and try to go back to sleep. Thinking of my gratitude, concern, and prayers for this great nation I can't drift off again. I realize I HAVE to get up, write about my feelings before I will find sleep again. First I pulled up Marque's facebook page, and then his blog. http://www.marqueandsarah.blogspot.com/. These led me to a speech George Washington gave as he left the office as the first President and Commander in Chief, which led me to a speech by Franklin Delano Roosevelt, and Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address. We are blessed people to live in this land, and gratefully my kids count that as one of their greatest blessings too.

Marque loves this country and all that it stands for as much as I do. I love that he is so able to express it. I love the fact that I can be taught by him now about how to be a patriot. Marque loves the history of America. He loves hearing and reading about the nation growing from it's infancy. His home library is filled with books on the subject of wars, heroes of wars, patriots from the earliest days of America's occupancy, down through the ages. He recognizes we are slipping from the, God given, principles set as foundation of this government. He avidly watches the American History channel, not casually, but with intent. Jimmy too is a patriot. He loves politics. He understands exactly why our government was set up with a division of labor. Hailey and Mady were taught about the powers of the Executive, Judicial, and Legislative branches of our government. He too worries about the direction of our country, how misled people are in how they interpret our laws and our constitution. He and Scott also watch the History Channel more than any other TV. Scott stands for his values every day as a police officer. I know he passes them on to people he comes in contact with, whether they be fellow officer, traffic violator, youth, or hardened criminal. I know all my kids will teach their children how to stand when the National Anthem is sung, or when a flag passes by. They will all post a flag in the front of their house so they display their honor for it's standard. I'm grateful that they embraced and personalize their history, their pledge, and are not sloppy in their gratitude for all it's tenets.
It is a code of belief that has been passed to them through my parents, and their parents. My Grandpa Bliss fought in France in World War I. He was 19 and came home with permanent damage to his lungs from a mustard gas bomb while he was in the trenches. Grandma Bliss is the most recent pilgrim to our country in our immediate family. She came from Scotland when she was 18. She embraced the American dream and wanted nothing more than to be considered American. Others kept their Scottish brogue, but Grandma worked hard to remove any doubt in her language that she was anything but American. My Grandfather Johnson lived his patriotism working farms in South Dakota. He rarely left his ranch to see this beautiful c0untry, but I remember his glassy eyes as he stood at Mt. Rushmore and proclaimed his love for the leaders displayed in granite there. We would go to see them at 4th of July frequently. On one particular occasion when we arrived Grandma Johnson came flying out the farmhouse door saying "hoowah, hoowah for the 4th of July!" That's how my mom and I greeted each other yesterday when we talked on the phone. Our roots of patriotism grow deep. I wrote last year in my blog about my family tradition on the 4th and other patriotic holidays of posting our flag. It was an embarrassment to live through, but I'm grateful for system of belief my parents imposed on me, that I eventually embraced wholeheartedly and (apparently successfully) passed on to my children.
I have a very difficult time sitting while the National Anthem and other patriotic songs are sung in church without standing. For a time I was chorister in Relief Society and would have all the sisters (who could do so) stand and sing each song. I have even gone so far as to ask the Bishop if we could please stand when singing. Today is actually the 4th, so I am already thinking about the discomfort of sitting through a patriotic song, or standing anyway, even if by myself. I love Lee Greenwood's song God Bless the USA, especially where he says,

"And I gladly stand up,next to you and defend her still today.‘

Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,God bless the USA"!

God bless the USA!

My Grandchildren--May 20, 2010

2010-05-25T00:23:00.000-07:00

Today is Thursday, May 20, 2010. Within the next two to three days I will have a new grandchild. I was talking to Scott and Cynthia last night about the miracle of it all. We wondered how could anyone go through this event and not believe in God. Could a big bang pulling matter together create the perfect timing of this 9 month creation of life? I think not. I remember at the end of each pregnancy being incredulous that on any given day I could go from a large ball carried in front of me, to a little life being held in my arms. It is all such an amazing gift from the Lord.

Besides the miracle of parenthood, there is the blessing of grandchildren. What a joy it is to be able to be a part, once again, of watching from a front row seat a baby discover the world. I look forward to having this baby close enough to just stop by when she is in every stage of discovery. Hailey, Madyson, and Leah were all so far away when they were born. I could only watch through pictures, visits, and verbal updates from Mom and Dad, and I am SOOOO grateful for technology, but Grace will be closeby so I really do have a front row seat to her world.

Yesterday, Madyson (9) sent me a text. It said “When can we have a date for 3, me, you, and hailey?” How special is that? Samantha said as soon as she got in the car Madyson told her she had been thinking all day that we needed to have a date. I called her back to set a date for our get together and while I was talking to her Hailey called to ask if there was any way I could get away from work Friday to see her final GATE project which is a production. I am sad that I won’t be able to leave work, but so happy that she wants me to be there. This is one of the reasons we developed “Date Day”, sometimes called “Hailey Day” or “Mady Day”. When I am not able to be around for a special award, or some other important event….which fortunately isn’t too often because I really do try to make them all….but if it isn’t possible then we go celebrate on another day. It gives us time together, helps me to talk to them, to enjoy something they enjoy, to build a memory.

Building a memory so they remember their Grandma fondly and builds a bit of a legacy to pass on is important. After all I am not going to be here forever. I want to include here a funny moment with Madyson and Hailey from around 2004. Hailey and I were facing each other having a discussion about life and death. I can’t remember exactly why, but I do remember we had the Childcraft out on the human body. Anyway, Mady was sitting on the couch beside me off in her own world, seemingly uninterested. While we were having the discussion I said to Hailey “It’s just a part of the life cycle, everyone dies sooner or later.” Without missing a beat or even turning her head Madyson patted my leg and said “Sooner for you, huh Grandma?” She followed it with a wink and a cluck of her tongue to let me know this was a joke. She was just 3 ½ at the time. I laughed so hard.

Speaking of laughing hard I had Madyson laughing hysterically one time. I got a new mattress set that made my bed quite high. I was demonstrating how I had to get in bed each night. First I walked up next to the bed, through one leg up, grabbed some sheet and tried to pull myself onto the bed grunting and grimacing. The other method for getting onto the bed was to go back into the hallway, drop to a starting position, run and jump onto the bed somewhat like a pole vaulter makes it over the bar. This again was accompanied with the appropriate amount of facial antics. I delighted in her contagious laughter that was so powerful she had to alternate between holding her aching belly and squeezing her cramping cheeks. It is equally as funny when she still acts out “Grandma getting into her bed” frequently.

Hailey enjoys humor, especially humor accompanied by sarcasm. I tell her that she has a black belt in sarcasm. I know that not everyone enjoys this kind of humor, but apparently we do in the Trosper family. Although I do remember asking Hailey how she got so good at it at such a young age. She said, “It’s rather obvious, look who I lived with for all those years, my dad and my Uncle Scott.” My reply was “I don’t know where they possibly learned sarcasm.” To which she replied “Hmmm, I don’t know Gramma, it couldn’t possibly have been from you, could it?” “No, no way.” Later when I said something apparently with a tinge of sarcasm she said, “Hey Gramma, I think I see a bit of sarcasm on your lip, do you want a napkin for it?” Ha ha ha! Now I don’t care who you are, that’s funny! Obviously I could go on and on about these two girls antics. We have serious moments too. Hailey is at an age (12) where she gets mortified by anything and everything any of us do, do you remember those days? Well, to empower her we made a pact that if I ever embarrassed her she could remind me of the day we made the pact in Coco’s restaurant that she would tell me if I ever made her feel uncomfortable. Shortly afterward we were at John’s Incredible Pizza and I was dancing around as we were walking through the place and Hailey quietly tapped me on the shoulder and did the “eye to eye” gesture, just quietly reminding me that I was being embarrassing . I stopped. Don’t always guarantee I’ll stop that easy, but I did that day. I am so grateful for the special relationship we share.

There have been many moments in these blogs that I have shared the amazing connection that I have with Leah. She is clear up in Utah and that is tremendously sad to me. I want to be there to share those special moments building memories with her as well. I am so grateful that through Marque and Sarah’s blog, and great picture taking I feel like I totally know Leah. They have also made the effort to be here for family activities so we rarely go more than a few months without a Leah connection. She is such a joy. Her smiles, laughter, and character make her an enchanting, precious part of my heart even through cyberspace. She was so accommodating to sit by herself for the first time when I was up there, and take some of her first steps when she was down here. When she was about 6 months she learned how to point when she saw the little stain glass birdies flying in my window. She really loved those birds. I was surprised on her last visit when she was just shy of 18 months that she did an intake of air and pointed at them again. It was obviously a memory of her friends and she waved, pointed and said “goodbye” to them just before she headed home. I just bought her very own birdie to hang in her window. Maybe it will connect her to her California Gramma a little more.

Now, we are just around the corner from a new little one to love and build memories with. Her little bedroom is pink and brown with butterflies and flowers. It’s a perfect place for a little girl. The bassinet is in place next to mommy and daddy’s bed. The closet and drawers are filled with little girlie clothes passed on from cousin Leah, and friends Lauren and BrookLyn besides the new ones that friends, aunties and grandmas just couldn’t resist. All is in readiness, everything is right, just waiting for your little tiny, precious body and spirit to fill our hearts and lives . There is nothing in the world to compare with being a mother, but watching your children be parents to your grandchildren is love to the highest degree. I’m ready little Grace, we all are! Just a few more days!

I'm lucky I'm a Mom!

2010-05-09T20:20:00.001-07:00

It is pretty awesome being a Mom, Mother-in-law, and Grandmother. I have enjoyed this Mother's Day tremendously. But I particularly love the reasons I get to celebrate this day. I believe we as women have a special role to fill and whether we have children are not we are still nurturers. We still have those unique gifts that make us women, and if by chance we get the opportunity to fulfill that role we can touch lives on a more personal level. We feel the love for a child that surpasses all love, except perhaps the love our Heavenly parents feel for us. Because of the love our mother and father give us, we then are able to understand the love of our Mother in Heaven and Father in Heaven.

I don't know how to place pictures in a blog in any certain order, but these are just a few random shots that show what I love about being a mother!

Soon, very soon, I will have a new granddaughter. Her name will be Grace...I am sure she will be a very special addition to the Trosper family. I have a big part of my heart saved just for her!

My Mom....the greatest mother, teacher, mentor, friend anyone could ever have is standing with some other important people in my life. Hailey, Jimmy, Samantha, Sarah, Molly (Sarah's sister), Me holding Leah, and Leah's other cousins Eli, Cole, and Jake.

Mom, Me, Scott, Cynthia, another awesome mother my sister in law Ruth, Emily, Brother Bill, my sister in law Carmen, and my brother Brock.

Baby Daddy Scott, Baby Mama Cynthia, Great Grandma Vee, and Grandma Leslie

Scott and Cynthia are on a whirlwind since they re-connected just over a year ago. Wedding, new house, Scott got his bachelor's degree just after he gave up being a bachelor, and now little Grace is expected May 22nd or sooner! They are cute to watch and love to plan for their life together and for this little baby!

Marque and Sarah are really there for me, and for the family even though they live in Utah. They were down five times last year, so including our trips up to Utah we got to see them so frequently. I kid the boys down here that Marque actually comes to visit me more often than they do~ Marque gives me so much credit for the awesome person he turned out to be. I think he did most of it, but I'll take the credit! Sarah is an incredible mother and the best daughter-in-law I could hope for.

I think I was bugging Jim to smile for this picture and he reminds me so much of his grandpa here. Jim and Samantha are closest in distance to me and they bless my life regularly. It is so much fun watching them build traditions with their girls. So many of them are traditions that we had in our family and it makes me feel so valued that they treasure those things.

Jim and I commute at the same times in the morning, and we talk as we come from opposite directions and pass in the Riverside area. We often joke about how broad our discussions become going from politics, to theology, to family, values and back again in the same conversation. I'm glad to spend this time with Jim each day.

I love going on "Girlie Days" with Hailey and Mady. It is so much fun to enjoy these energetic, intelligent girls company. I hope they always want to hang out with their grandma. They bless my life~

I'm grateful that my boys love, respect, and honor their father as well as me. This helps me to know that they were raised well.... They counsel us now, and it is great and amazing to receive our own counsel back from their mouths.

I put my old "Mom" cake baking and decorating skills to work for Madyson and Leah for their birthday's this year. Madyson's bedroom is decorated like daisies so I made her this daisy cake for her 9th birthday.

It was fun to have Marque, Sarah, and Leah down to help us celebrate October birthdays, among other things. This was Leah's "1 year old" cake. See I still got it a little bit! Mady's birthday is the 12th, mine the 14th, and Leah's the 15th of October. They were great birthday gifts.

One of the easiest ways I know my son's listened to my counsel, and blessed me was with the beautiful daughters they gave me. I can't often call them daughters-in-law because it sounds too dry for the feelings that I have for them. I sometimes refer to them as daughters-in-love because that fits much better. But just as often they are just my daughters-that-I've-waited-forever-for. They are all three beautiful women, and beautiful mothers themselves.

The girls definitely out number the boys now. I was so grateful to God for my three terrific sons, and I am so grateful for the girls in my life now. Here are my three beautiful granddaughters Hailey (12), Leah (1), and Mady (9).

Lovebirds Scott and Cynthia. They took me to breakfast this morning and then went to church with me. I always love taking my kids to church, or anywhere I can show them off. Everyone knows my kids even if they haven't met them because they are always talked about in the highest praises. I only speak the truth. Thanks for such nice gifts too.

I had a bad day one day and called Marque. I was crying and emotional and he could hardly get a word in edgewise so he passed the phone to Sarah. When I took a breath she sweetly calmed me down and passed the phone back to Marque who gave me very wise counsel. The next day I received flowers from him. See why I feel so blessed?

Sweet picture of two of my sweet girls Sarah and Leah.

Samantha and Mom in Palm Springs for a girls weekend.

Look at this love! Sweet Leah! She is gorgeous and always so happy. She lights up my life, for sure.

Hailey at Red Robin's on a "Hailey Day". I love taking the girls out individually to celebrate an award, any special occasion, or just cuz! I hope they will always cherish our memories together!

On these special days the girls get to choose where they want to eat, something special to buy, and if there is anything else they want to do. Here is Mady on a "Mady's Day" modeling in the bargain aisle at Target. Mady LOVES going to Target.

Hailey, Grandma, and Mady at Grandma Grandma's house in Yuma, AZ last Mother's Day.

I dusted off another old skill when I made these poodle skirts for Hailey and her friend for their talent show. They sang and danced to "Chantilly Lace". I love that the girls love singing the old songs with their Grandma. Some of the songs we sing came from their Great Grandma and Great Grandpa when their Grandma was their age. Passing it on down the generations!

Here is the woman that started it all for me. I don't think we look alot alike....sometimes I think that is why I was born in the car....then it couldn't be denied that I was their daughter! LOL She has taught me how to love, give, care, honor, respect, be honest, true, chaste, benevolent. She taught me to want to be a mother from the time I was a little girl. No one could have had more impact on my life than my Mom. I love you Mother!!! Happy Mother's Day.

Jim and family with their grandma, and great grandma!

Scott and Cynthia with Grandma. This was the first time Cynthia and Mom met. She approved!

Leah came into our lives through Caitlin, her birth mother, but she definitely belonged to Marque and Sarah. The Lord has his ways to make things right, and this is so right! She was officially sealed to the family and what a special time that was! One of those moments that take your breath away and make you so grateful to be who you are, and where you are!

And here she is enjoying a simple pleasure with her Daddy!

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. These are just a few pictures that tell the story of this mothers heart. I could post so many more pictures, and write a few thousand words and never be able to express adequately the joy I feel being a mom!

From the pages of one of my favorite books:

"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my babies you'll be!"

Pollyanna?

2010-05-05T11:32:00.000-07:00

My whole life people have called me a "Pollyanna". I have always taken that as a compliment because I thought Hayley Mills in the Disney movie of the same name was a positive little girl who changed the world she lived in by her "glad game". I do relate to her attitude that you can always find something good in every situation and every person. It makes life a happier place doesn't it? And I am a happy person, so I guess it works. Or does it?

When I was at a Bliss Family Reunion a few years ago they gave awards for different things, and when they were giving the award for the "Pollyanna" of the family I was surprised that most of my aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers and sisters shouted my name in unison. The other day my cousin told me I was a real genuine "Pollyanna". Also, one time there was a long conversation on our family website about a picture that was posted when I was 8 years old, noting that I wasn't smiling. They couldn't imagine what was wrong with me that day because apparently many thought that I ALWAYS smile. Well, obviously I don't ALWAYS smile, but I concur that I do usually find the bright side of life, want to fix things (and people) if they aren't working (or happy). I am a grateful person who can find beauty around me, even if my current situation isn't beautiful. So I always enjoy "spurts" of joy, but is this attitude always beneficial? I think I am learning that it isn't.

I was blessed with a forgiving heart, I don't know how to hold a grudge, and I have a large capacity to love unconditionally. I am not patting myself on the back because it is not something I worked hard to attain. It seems either I was just born with it, or it was conditioned into my life at a very young age. Trying to live as closely as I can to Christ's example is important to me, so I have made efforts there, falling short of course, but always trying. It has been brought to my attention by many people that I love very much that perhaps too much of a good thing is "too much of a good thing".

I just googled "Pollyanna" and this are the meanings it listed.
–noun
1.
an excessively or blindly optimistic person.
–adjective
2.
(often lowercase) Also, Pol·ly·an·na·ish. unreasonably or illogically optimistic

Uh-oh! That doesn't sound so good; "blindly optimistic", "unreasonably optimistic"? So "Pollyanna" is probably akin to "Queen of Denial"? As I look at life as it is for me I am recently learning that I really do fall into this description. My Doctors have always told me that my health is affected by unresolved issues and "stuffed feelings". As my last blog indicated, I have had several friends that have seen something in my face, attitude, and shoulders that they thought indicated that I wasn't okay even though I claimed I was. Well, I was okay. Playing my little "glad game" of positivity so well I can fool myself I guess.

Family members and friends have been amazed that Bud and I have retained such a close relationship since our divorce. I was always happily married and in spite of Bud's recent change in his life, views, and desire for marriage...I was still the same person. I tried to be angry because I thought it might make it easier for me, but it just didn't stay....not an emotion I carry around. Bud doesn't mind being in my life as a handyman and a friend. I have always been concerned with his health, needs, emotions, financial situation and relationship with the kids and grandkids....kind of sounds like marriage doesn't it? Guess my brain, heart or some part of me didn't realize I was divorced. Problem is, it is hard for me to be around him. The line blurs and I find myself wanting to stick my hand in his, my arm through his, and even to curl up on his shoulder. Not healthy for either of us. Actually, I thought it was okay to get along, to be friends, to see the best in him and our relationship, but I find it does affect my health. Frequently after I see him, or we have a family get together I have had an increase of pain from my fibromyalgia, more tiredness, and even ended up in the hospital. Problem is, being a "Pollyanna" I don't even tie those things together. I'm just are "glad" I DIDN't have a heart attack after all. Or "glad" that it is a beautiful day today instead of raining causing the fibromyalgia to be worse.

I do believe my "Pollyanna" attitude has a tendency to make me co-dependent. As the "Queen of Denial" I can see that maybe I missed signs that would have told me things in my marriage weren't as good as I believed it to be. There have been other circumstances in my life, and those close to me, that probably would have had a different result if I had actually "seen" them rather than putting my "rose colored" optimistic spin on things. I actually believe that it may just be another way of putting my "head in the sand".

So with the help of my friends and family I am going to be making some changes in my life. I am going to put me at the top of my list once in awhile. After all the Lord said "Thou shalt love thy neighbor, as thyself." How do I change? Do I want to become burdened with the woes of the world, or even my own life? No way! Should I try to feel my feelings, react to them, and then see the brighter side of life? Probably. That way I can protect myself, keep from sending others mixed messages, and resolve issues before they exacerbate. So I am determined to stay positive, find joy in all things, but to take the words "blindly", "unreasonably", and "illogically" out of my optimistic attitude.

Friends who know me better than I know myself!

2010-04-30T12:44:00.000-07:00

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart,

and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

Recently I have had a rotating door as several friends have come into my home expressing concern about my well-being. How kind is that?! The only problem is I feel fine. I am happy, content, more organized than I have been for a long time. Things are pretty level. At least I think so.

I tend to be someone who doesn't feel my own feelings too well. There was a time maybe 20 some years ago that I was told by a friend "Leslie, you don't need to learn how to let your feelings out, you need to learn how to let your feelings in."

Pain is not something I feel normally either. This has been a problem on many occasions. Eye pressure is supposed to be somewhere around 18-19. Mine went up to 58 and the Dr. said there is no way I could deal with that pain. There was pain, I could hardly touch my hair without it hurting, but I was touring the Washington monuments with visiting friends. Not normal. Another time in Virginia I had a headache and sense of confusion so I was leaving work, but didn't know which hospital I was insured with. I drove to a hospital about 25 miles and on the way home, but Bud couldn't figure out if I could use this facility, so I drove about 20 miles further to pick him up. By the time we made it to the emergency room my blood pressure was 285/175! You have never seen people move so quickly, so calmly. It has become recognizable that I am in trouble if someone all the sudden gets extremely calm, speaking to me in a very slow, soothing voice. "Okaaaaaaaaaaay Mrs. Traaaawwwwspppeer, we aaare justtttt going..."

There have been many other occasions where not feeling "normal" pain has put me in jeopardy, so pain is really a good thing...a red flag we don't usually ignore.

So about my feelings. I have found that just like pain I tend to ignore, cover up, or just plain not feel my emotions. Never have held a grudge, or been truly angry. I don't have any axes to bury, anywhere. I don't think anyone is mad at me, and I am not mad at anyone. If I get depressed I usually find ways to get beyond it pretty quickly. All that sounds good, but my Dr.'s have always told me that many of my health issues are from unresolved emotions. Not good.

So the other day when this wonderful male friend from church called saying that he and his wife would like to come visit that evening because they felt that something was wrong, "I was just out of step and they were concerned. Three other people had said essentially the same thing within a week, so I was anxious to hear what their concerns were. Maybe they could tell me something I didn't know.

We had a great visit, and shared a bit. We came to the conclusion that I do have things in my life that could be causing me to be somber, or at least contemplative, but that I am okay. They left feeling better and I felt absolutely blessed to have such wonderful friends that are keeping such a good eye on me.

I am fortunate to have a bounty of friends. Some of my friends are those I went to school with many decades ago. Friends from old neighborhoods, Facebook friends, Church friends from many different wards, those I work with, clients I work for, and my family. What a blessed life I lead with so many who care about me, and that I can give love and care too as well.

Isn't it wonderful when we can remind someone of the words to their own song of life. We get to lift their spirit and remind them of their joy, and they can do the same for us.

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart,

and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

We had Ham!

2010-04-17T12:34:00.000-07:00

A few blogs ago I talked about traditions and that one of our Easter traditions was to eat ham. I had opted to have prime rib this year and Jim just thought that was great....but it wasn't Easter. Scott, who was going to buy the prime rib, evidently agreed with him because he got both...prime rib and ham.

We had an awesome Easter. We missed Marque, Sarah, and Leah as we always do when they aren't with us, but they sent me pictures of my little Leah hugging her bunny rabbit that Gramma sent her. She is so sweet!!!! Head cocked and loving it with all her might. (I wish I knew how to download from my phone.)

Anyway, those of us in California went to Palm Springs to the time share. It has an amazing slide going into the pool and Hailey had a blast going down. Jim and Scott tried it a few times too. Mady enjoyed the smaller slide because we just couldn't convince she was really missing out with the big one. The water was warm, sun bright, and we relaxed, talked, played with a ball that skipped across the water, sat in the hot tub under the waterfall. Nice!!!

Bud and I made the spaghetti dinner on Saturday night. Jim and Sam treated us to eggs benedict Easter morning after the girls found their baskets. They are really beginning to trust the fact that Easter bunny will find them wherever they are. What a smart dude! I tell you our family Easter Bunnies (Samantha and Cynthia) really took care of us too. In between watching conference we were back by the pool until we decided it was time to make our appetizers. That was fun.

I had everyone bring ingredients to an appetizer they enjoyed. Then I collected the recipe cards and switched ingredients. Jim and Sam ended up with the ingredients that I brought, Scott and Cynthia got Jim and Sam's appetizer ingredients, Hailey and Mady got Grampa's ingredients and Bud and I got Cynthia and Scott's. The rules were that you had to use those ingredients, but you could use other things that you found too. It was kind of like "Chopped" on Food Network. What fun, and really tasty. Everyone did well.

I also brought pedigree charts for everyone to fill out, and a mad-lib regarding the Trosper Easter. We ran out of time to do the camera Scavenger Hunt I planned so we will have to save that for another holiday.

The prime rib, ham, baked asparagas, fruit salad, and garlic potatoes Scott prepared were yummy and ended the weekend on a very FULL note. We expressed love for each other, and for the Savior, so it was a special time of gratitude as well.

I didn't have a camera so I hope someone will send me pictures so I can add them to the blog. Puleeeeeeze!

Proud Mom/Gramma!

2010-04-14T12:16:00.000-07:00

Our little Leah Caitlyn Bliss Trosper is truly a blessing and a delight to our whole family. When this angel was adopted by Marque and Sarah there was no doubt God was involved. We all knew we could love a child that was not genetically connected to us, but I am absolutely amazed just how much she has touched our hearts.

I get all gooshy and my heart melts when I see pictures of Leah over the internet. One step better is a video so I can hear her chattering along with the pictures. Then to hold her, hug her, feel her heart beat next to mine is just addicting. I want more, more, more.

Marque and Sarah appreciate the birth mom, Caitlyn, so much. Above the rocking chair in Leah's room is a framed piece that has the following words on it. "When I'm worried, and I can't sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep"
1. Caitlyn
2. Caitlyn
3. Caitlyn
4. Caitlyn

Caitlyn and her family were also adopted by Marque and Sarah. They invite them to be a part of Leah's life. Not too much that it would ever be confusing, but enough that Caitlyn continues to know how grateful they are. And that Leah will some day know that too. They call her their angel. Caitlyn made some mistakes but she didn't compound them by keeping a child she felt she was not ready to raise. She loved her baby enough to give her a better chance. Leah is so blessed that Caitlyn chose Marque and Sarah as her parents with Heavenly Fathers guidance.

Marque and Sarah don't just thank Caitlyn and leave it at that. They are forming a foundation to put their hearts and money where there mouth is. It will offer a scholarship to young mothers who choose adoption rather than abortion or raising the baby as a single teenage parent. This will help them get back to their lives and even take a step forward. The first recipient will be Caitlyn appropriately. The foundation also will help parents seeking adoption as a way to build their family.

It's a beautiful thing and this mom and gramma is so very proud. So very in love and so very proud.

Here is a connection to Marque's blog to read more http://www.marqueandsarah.blogspot.com/.

Woman Live in Transition

2010-04-12T16:39:00.000-07:00

Part of my job, in the insurance industry, is to talk to young people when they get their licenses. One of the things I remind them is that while they are really ready to take this step, their Moms probably are not ready with them. But isn't that always true? Are we really ready for what is ahead when our baby takes that first unsteady step? There is a reason you find mommy's standing outside the kindergarten in tears hugging one another for support. I was never ready for taking that next step in growing up even though my kids were.

So many times, we as women, transition into a new life when circumstances require it. My mother was a working woman until she had a couple little munchkins at home so it was better for her to stay home. I don't know if she even thought about "a choice" or not. When my dad traveled for several weeks out of the month on his job, she became a single parent a large amount of time. Then when he wanted to buy a restaurant the stay at home mom became an instant owner/manager. Transitions, not necessarily of her choosing.

I think we don't even realize how flexible we are to bend and twist our lives to the will and requirements of those we love. A friend of mine went from a single woman, to a care giver for her parents without blinking an eye....transitioning without giving a thought to her own needs. After 10 years her mother recently passed away and she now needs to learn to live her own life. Not as easy as it sounds after giving every thought, every moment to her mother's care.

So is it any surprise that when life changes leave us alone to figure out what we want to do ourselves that we are at a loss. This is where I found myself after my kids were grown and on their own. I had many goals in my life, but they were mostly wrapped around my husband and kids, so I rarely gave a thought to myself. There I was with time to spare and no idea what to do with it. Thus, the "empty nest syndrome". We chart our future to include: graduate from school and seminary, go to college to get a bachelors degree and an M R S degree, find a nice return missionary (or convert some unsuspecting soul), get married in the temple, have children, raise them in a beautiful gospel oriented, nicely decorated, happy home filled with love, get them all off to college, and eternal families of their own. Then we pat ourselves on the back and wonder "What now?" Most women don't plan beyond that. We should. Our relationships with our husband, family, and friends need to be nurtured. We need to also stay active in hobbies and interests that are ours alone.

After my kids were all grown I went with a friend to a class at Chaffey College called "Women in Transition". There we found that we were not alone. There were many women questioning "What now?" in the class with us. It has been many years, but one of the things I remember is the teacher asking what we do for ourselves. Most of us replied "Who me? Nothing!"

She encouraged us to write down ways that we would like to be nurtured. She also told us we needed to find a space that we could go to feel peace and relaxation. I immediately went to a florist and set up a plan to come in each week to pick up some fresh flowers for my table at home. Since fresh flowers brighten up my house, they brighten my spirit as well. But that wasn't the main reward, it was that I was important! Important enough to do something for me each week. I was on a budget so I only spent $5.00 on my flowers, but was amazed what delightful bouquets I got for that small price. Somehow taking them out of a florist wrapped in the lovely green floral paper, created just for me, made it even more inviting than picking them up from a local grocery store. I think I need to go to my florist tonight! Just writing about it reminds me of the joy that brought me. I also have always created a wall, usually by my bed, that helps me melt into meditation. Problem is, you have to give yourself that time. I have a cd player right there too, but rarely remember to turn it on. I used to put a little Enya on and drift away into sublime peace.

I was asked a number of years ago who I was and what I enjoyed. My response was that I loved going to soccer games and watching my kids play, or that I loved spending time playing games or going places with my husband, etc. The response was "Now tell me what you like without using your kids, husband, or house in the sentence." Oh my gosh I stuttered and stammered and realized my whole life was wrapped up in them, and that I couldn't think of one thing that didn't include them. It took me a long time of thinking to be able to say that I love writing, spending time with friends, art....oh I love art! Not my own, although I believe some day I would love to paint again. Painting, sculptures-art in museums and in books. They tell such stories. Music is my absolute joy and can bring me up or give me peace with the perfectly chosen artist. I also like decorating for myself and others, spending time in nature (particularly around water), dancing, cruising, traveling....I enjoy the journey as much as the destination. There are so many other things on my list for my transition into retirement.

There are many retired folks who come into my office to pay insurance and love to just sit and talk forever! Now, I know I am a nice person, but still....why would anyone want to sit around an insurance office for an hour? Because they are bored. They need conversation, something to do with their lives. I have friends who say they have trouble getting up in the mornings because they have nothing to do, no goals, no interests, no desires. That would be tough. I am glad I faced this idea of "transitions" a little earlier in my life and have a plan in mind for my semi-retirement now that I am working just three days a week, and for my eventual full retirement.

Transitions usually come into our life unplanned, and we find ourselves unprepared. From the time our babies stand up on their wobbly legs and want to see their little world, when we want to still be cradling them in our arms, to being ready for them to get their drivers licenses and date before we see them as much more than toddlers. We need to be prepared for the transition. We need to set things up for the day that they go to college, marry, and leave our nest. We might need to even think about and get ready for the day we are alone entirely. Because believe me, sometimes those transitions are unexpected as well. Plan ahead to nurture yourself during those unwanted transitions in your life. Cultivate your interests now! It will make those times more tolerable, and maybe even desireable in some ways if you recognize life is full of surprises and curves. While you are taking care of your children, grandchildren, extended family, friends, and your husband.....don't forget you!

....hmmm what shall I write about?

2010-04-09T10:56:00.000-07:00

I decided that I needed to write in my blog more often. Not because I have readers, because I don't. But because I have a real desire to write articles, a book, or something, and I need practice.

People have always told me that I have talent in expressing my thoughts. I didn't agree. My writing to me seems very generic. I believe Marque has great talent in putting his thoughts and opinions to word. He has a strong vocabulary that makes things he writes about come alive. Jimmy is really capable of emoting in his writing. Strong sentiments and emotions make his essays and poems passionate. Scott doesn't enjoy writing as much as Jim and Marque, but I know when he was getting his degree he had to do alot of writing. He got all A's so it must have been good. So I would say they have a gift for writing.

My Dad was a good writer too. You could even see his talent when he would sign a birthday card. My mom would always buy the present, get the card, but leave the sentiment to Dad. He wrote me two letters in my life that I cherish. One was when I graduated from High School and the other was the night before I got married. I love taking them out and re-reading them. Holding them in my hands I look at the penmanship...unique, strong, and artistic. Imagining his hand, which I still can picture perfectly, holding the pen doing flourishes just above the paper before setting it down to begin. I can see the little half smile appear as he gets an idea about what to pen. In the letter at my graduation he waxed nostalgic remembering everything that was important all through my life. He recalled friends, boyfriends, events, and tragedies peppering from childhood through this adolescent rite of passage. I was amazed what a full life I had lead, and that it was important to my Dad too. In the letter the night before my wedding when I was 18 years old he wrote a letter expressing love from my Mom and he. I'm absolutely sure he thought I was making a huge mistake taking such a big step at such a young age and he reminded me to "be very sure. When you step up to that altar if you have any doubts..... All your Mom and I want is your happiness." It was replete with emotion, angst, and love. Absolutely beautiful. My mom says I have inherited his gift. I feel my sons have inherited their grandfathers gift as well.

Writing is very important. Journaling can be history, thoughts, emotions, goals, failures, encouraging and discouraging times to be passed on....so can books. The readers are just more numerous and not so prejudiced. They are not just family members but others who might benefit from what is written.

Do I have anything of value to pass on to the general public? Can I express myself well enough to make it interesting, entertaining, and/or beneficial. I have conceded that when I write down what I am feeling at a given time, I can re-read it much later and bring back to mind exactly what the experience was all about. But, I still am not convinced my talent goes any further than that. While I appreciate those friends and family that compliment and encourage me, I do know they are coming from a point of view that isn't exactly objective.

So I just need to write, develop any skills I have, try to find subjects to contemplate on paper, and see how I fair over time. If anyone happens to read this, please send me a subject to write about. I love researching things too. So if it requires research that's okay. Or something that I can philosophize about....I love that too.

I have written a child's book called "An Elf's Christmas Story" that I just need to get published, and don't know how to go about it. My sister, Lynette and I are writing a book about two sisters who are opposite in every way and see their world with a very different perspective. They love each other and being sisters overcomes all differences. It is based on our own childhood experiences. Another book in my head is kind of a self help book called "On a Positive Note..." It will have different chapters on dealing with, and overcoming adversity. Also, I am intending to write a book for the church audience about my life and divorce experience. I think it would be helpful to a specific group of people who may go through similar experiences.

So.....first step.....write. But sometimes to write I need to decide....what shall I write about?

Traditions!

2010-04-03T06:12:00.000-07:00

In the Trosper home "tradition" is a big deal. Most of our traditions seem to surround the holidays, but of course there are others as well.

Some things are well thought out and meant to become traditions. For instance: when our kids were young we decided that each year we would get them a Christmas ornament. Even at their birth I could imagine some day they would take all their ornaments with them and have a sentimental start to their own decorations. That was a planned tradition. The unplanned part of that tradition came when Jim seemed to get soldiers or nutcrackers as his ornament a couple years and he decided that is what he wanted each year. Scott got rocking horses. When he was around 18 I asked him if he wanted to change from rocking horses to something else and he said "No, tradition is tradition." Marque never chose or got the same thing every Christmas. His ornament seemed to be something that was simultaneous to his life. An ornament playing soccer when he was in soccer. A missionary with an Elders badge and a suitcase when he went on his mission, etc.

I think sometimes the boys want to hold to the old traditions even harder than I do. Everyone blends two families traditions when they get married...together they decide which stays and which goes. Our family has breakfast casserole after opening presents on Christmas morning and Sarah's family had cinnamon rolls and juice. So they have both at their house. Scott and Cynthia decided to opt for the beautifully decorated tree rather than the "rocking horse" tree. But they put up the manger set I got them and have a well decorated and lighted house like both of their families traditionally had. Jim and Sam have their tree decorated with nutcrackers (Jim), angels (Sam), teddy bears (Hailey), and snowmen (Madyson). Recently when I took a box of decorations out and told the kids they could each take several items from the box I was impressed that they didn't go for the new fancy items, but for the ragged and worn ones tied with traditions that they hold with so much value.

Jim is the guard of the Trosper traditions so it is lucky that he is married to Samantha who is willing to concede and even embrace most of them.

It is very important to me that we have tradition. It makes everything more memorable if it is looked forward to on each occasion. That is so in the world too. Can you imagine if at the end of the wedding no one said "You may kiss the bride". Imagine after their vows the wedded couple just headed back down the aisle without the kiss to seal the deal? We would all feel a little frustrated, unfinished. Tradition gives us something to hang onto, wait for.

But even I am not as serious about keeping the tradition as Jimmy is. Jim is the "Keeper of the Trosper traditions. It is lucky he is married to Samantha who has been willing to concede to most of them. Christmas just wouldn't be Christmas without letters to Santa, stockings before gifts, unwrapping each gift one at a time so we can ooo and aaah. Easter wouldn't be Easter without dying eggs the night before, Easter Egg hunts over and over, and ham for Easter dinner. Birthdays have to include smushing someone's face in the cake. Thanksgiving wouldn't be the same without letting the dinner get cold while we pass the turkey leg and say what we're thankful for. These are just a few of our traditions at holidays. We have lots of other one's that aren't necessarily for holidays; like, the family game being PIT or Game of 5000, singing my dad's old songs when we travel in the car, games for jobs, or picking up big big gulps especially before road trips (even 15 minute road trips LOL).

Yep Trosper and tradition almost are synonymous. I opted to have prime rib today. What a faux pax. "What?" Jim decried, "We always have ham on Easter." I didn't realize it was a hard and fast tradition....but Jim would. I am really going to enjoy the prime rib this year down in Palm Springs watching conference on tv, but you can be sure I will be checking the tradition guru next time.

I'm grateful that these things are important to my kids. It shows they have happy memories and they want to continue them for their children. I know we (their Dad and I) will never be forgotten as the traditions pass on. Just as my childhood, and my parents will never be forgotten as Bud and I chose to blend some of my traditions with his family traditions when we got married. Then we chose some of our own to add another layer. It's fun to watch the kids add their own traditions to their families too. It's a way of carrying on. Like every culture we really become what our traditions make us.

Thanks kids for embracing what is important to me. Now, more than ever, we need those stable memories to hang onto. I love you all so much!

Life may not be roses, but at least it's daisies!

2010-03-28T22:36:00.000-07:00

In the Emergency Room after experiencing some chest pains a few weeks ago my kids came to visit and lift my spirits. I was relatively sure the pains were nothing to be concerned about, but there is some family history and my own history that prompted the visit and the doctor's concerns. Anyway, I was explaining to Scott that perhaps my pain was due to "stress" about the family not being in sync as I would wish. My greatest desire has always been that my family would be "happy". My focus was never on wealth or fame, just happiness. Of course there were some things that I felt would lead them down "happy trails", but I didn't really care if they took my path or found their own as long as the end result was "Happily Ever After".

Bud and I get along famously for a divorced couple, allowing the family to be together during holidays and events with a minimum of discomfort. If there are other issues they are also treated with respect so the family can gather joyfully and work together cooperatively for the better good. But, sometimes I feel that elephant in the room that we are not the family that I always hoped we would be. This elephant transferred to my chest on this particular occasion.

So there I was in the emergency room trying to explain to my kids why I was there. They gave me a pep talk, lots of love, and reassured me. In my tears I said "All I want is for you kids to be happy, and things are not." Scott said "Mom, we are happy. The family is happy. Everything may not be roses, but it's at least daisies!"

That really hit home. Maybe in this life things don't always go as we plan. There are different roads taken, different choices made, and we need to adjust from our happy trail to another happy trail. We need to recognize that even when things aren't as we planned, they can still be great! Thanks to my family for making my life and my trails happy. Thanks Scott for this particular insight. I think it was a very wise analogy for your Mom who loves analogies!

I like roses........but if I can't have roses then daisies are great too!

I am Blessed and I am Grateful that I am Blessed!

2010-03-18T09:32:00.000-07:00

The other day my friend, Shirley, told me that other people were concerned about me and asking how I was doing?

Shirley has been going through a rough patch herself because of her mother's recent passing. She was my focus when she "willy nilly" let me know that I was the focus of friends concern. My immediate response was "Me? Why would anyone be worried about me." She calmly said "Oh, maybe it could be that you are still going through the aftermath of a divorce. Maybe it's because you just got out of the hospital with heart issues, or maybe it's because your hours at work were almost cut in half." I was taken aback. Surprised really when it was put that way. My reply was "Well no wonder they are worried about me. I would be worried about that person too."

To be honest there are other things to throw in the mix too. Other adversities I am dealing with, but I guess I don't look at them all in a list like that. I just do the best I can to take a look at each issue individually. Then I make a decision about whether there is anything I can do about it, if there isn't then I try to move on. Not that it doesn't take time to move on, but if that's all I can do, that's all I can do. If there is something I can do then I try to make a plan on how to proceed to make a change. Then there are those things that I can't decide if I should just "Let go, and Let God" take care of, or if I should have a more active role in resolving.

I am not a person who is in the habit of saying "poor me" or "Why me God?" I know that I signed on for this earth life experience. I am aware that the purpose is to be faced with challenges, and the result of those challenges is growth. We each have a choice. Sometimes other people's choices affect us. Then we don't have a choice, except in how we choose to respond to where their choice leads or leaves us. That's probably been the toughest thing for me to grasp.

I will admit to being very hurt when my employers chose to cut my hours while leaving my fellow employees untouched. I know they can't say it is because of age, but I wondered if there was some "age discrimination" involved. Even then, was it because I am not functioning as well as I did when I was younger....probably. My little pity party was short lived because I got a very nice sense of 'well being'. The worry and concern over how I would survive just evaporated. Perhaps in part because I went to worse scenario and imagined myself thrust out of my home living on social security (which isn't much). I realized I have 3 sons and 3 beautiful daughters in law who each have an extra room and alot of love for their mom. None of them would let me be homeless. I am too young and too independent to want that, but it is so comforting to relax in the shelter of that love. But, I think mostly the Lord whispered in my ear that things would work out. I have recognized and been a recipient of his care so I knew that I could trust Him. I didn't know how, but it didn't matter.

Shortly after I came to peace about it my bank called saying they would modify my loan. I had been trying to work with them and there wasn't much relief promised. With the new information that my salary was cut they recalculated and offered a deal that I can't possibly refuse. It hasn't totally come through yet, but I trust that I will be able to live in my home for a long time. What a relief, what a blessing.

This morning I was able to cuddle back into my covers which is a nice side blessing of not working every day. But as I was laying there I was feeling at peace. At this moment I feel healthy, financially blessed, and loved by my family, friends, and the Lord. See how lucky I am! I am blessed and I am grateful that I am blessed.

Hopefully I can pass some of this good news on to those I care about so they will feel loved and blessed too.

My New Calling.

2010-03-02T19:49:00.000-08:00

A month ago I got a new calling as a counselor in the Relief Society. I was kind of sad about the new calling because I have absolutely loved teaching in Relief Society once a month. The sisters are so willing to participate and I learned so much from them and from preparing the lessons. But, this is one of the nice things about our church, being a lay church, we are all participants and we receive callings all of the time that we don't think we are capable of doing. Then we do them!

God knows us so much better than we know ourselves. He knows us as we have the potential of becoming, so our job is to live into that potential. I honestly would have found it much easier to be the Education Counselor over the teachers and music. I would have even found it simpler to be the Relief Society President. Well, maybe that's not true. I said it would be easier because I have been RS President two times before, so I know what to do, and even a few things NOT to do. But, I am older now, so it certainly wouldn't be easy. But I am in a fog about this counselor. I don't even know for sure what it is called now...."Meeting Counselor"? It used to be Homemaking Counselor, and boy am I glad it's not called that anymore. Even though I am a girlie girl I am not a "Molly Mormon girlie girl". I have done sewing, knitting, crocheting, embroidery, and even tying quilts in my past, but not in a LONG time. In one season of my life (when my kids were young) I even decorated cakes pretty darn well, but I do not love to be in the kitchen cooking, canning, or baking. I'm thinking one reason I don't love it, is that I don't love messes. There is no way to make a dress without having pattern pieces, pins, scissors, and a sewing machine up for a period of time that is way too long for me. Same with baking a cake, or canning. Too much of a mess! At any rate it isn't called Homemaking anymore. It isn't called "Home, Family and Personal Enrichment" either. Just when I finally remembered how to say it and what order it came in. Now we just call them meetings....so that makes me the Counselor over the Meetings. What I need to do is do things that will meet the desires, and needs of the sisters in my ward.

My ward, the Sun City Ward, is very awesome. For almost the whole time I have been in the ward (8 years) I have been focused on Bud and saving my marriage, so I hadn't had a lot of time to really get to know the sisters individually. But I felt loved by the ward as a whole. I couldn't believe how the ward had such a wonderful personality all together. It was remarkable and a comfortable place to be when my world was topsy turvy. They never wanted me to feel alone for one moment, and when Bud and I actually did separate I was embraced even more. Many single women have spoken to me about feeling "different" in this family focused church, but I felt loved as an individual. I continue to feel that way. Now it's my turn to serve them.

When I started going to the Sun City Ward I expected it to be mostly silver haired people, but was surprised about how many young people we have....and so many cute babies, children, and teens. We have two young elders serving as missionaries and one senior couple. It's a nice spread, but we have to meet all their needs, so that will be fun and challenging.

I am just starting to work on our first planned get together. It will be a breakfast before the Stake Women's Conference, just a short time, but hopefully it will bring us even more in sync.

Our Bishop calls us the Super Sun City Sisters, so I will do a theme based around that. It will be fun.

Why Don't We Just Dance?

2010-02-27T03:33:00.000-08:00

I love dancing! This is probably too much information but I have always said that to me "Dancing is the best kind of foreplay." Dancing=Romance=Love, It is probably one of the things I knew I would miss the most in the divorce process.

When I was a child I loved watching my parents dance, which they did at every opportunity. The way my dad looked at my mom when he was swinging her around with a song on his lips and a twinkle in his eye was pure magic. It wasn't just my wee romantic fairytale, everyone felt it. People would stop dancing to watch them. There was dancing in our house too. I remember small parties of friends rolling up the rug in our family room and twirling their partners. I would sometimes get to join them with curlers in my hair and wearing a bathrobe. Climbing on my daddy's feet to be eased through the crowd was one of my greatest memories. My folks also did square dancing when we were youngsters. Though we were usually left at home we got to watch them prepare to go out. Mom wore a sunshine yellow dress with black piping and buttons. Of course she wore petticoats which she would twirl for us before she left. I do remember going to watch them a couple times, and I thought they were the handsomest couple on the dance floor.

It's no wonder that dancing was a requirement in a life partner. Bud and I spent many evenings going dancing with my parents early in our marriage. We danced in large ballrooms to big band names, and we danced in small intimate spaces. Sometimes we danced at the back of an auditorium, and if we couldn't do that we danced in our seats. I'm grateful for all the memories Bud and I shared dancing. I was always his girl and he was my guy when I was locked in his arms. But we loved to swing too...and to disco. Bud was even pretty good at doing the Milli Vanilli, LOL. I hope my kids remember fondly dancing in our house too. I love it when Jimmy will run through the crowd to grab me to do a swing number, or when Scott or Marque will ask their Mom to dance just cuz they know how important it is to me, and how much I miss it.

Josh Turner sings a song that is called "Why Don't We Just Dance" and I LOVE it! It kind of just says we just need to turn the bad news off once in awhile and just dance. The beat is excellent and makes me just rock in my seat....and absolutely agree 100 per cent that the woes of the world would be solved if we just dance.

"Baby why don't we just turn that tv off

Three hundred fifteen channels of nothing but bad news on

Well it might be me but the way I see it

the whole world has gone crazy

So baby why don't we just dance"

Maybe that's why I love Lady Gaga's "Just Dance" too. A totally different beat, but gives me the same feeling that if we dance we will be okay.

"Just dance. Gonna be okay.

Da-doo-doo-doo

Just dance. Spin that record babe.

Da-doo-doo-doo

Just dance. Gonna be okay.

Duh-duh-duh-duh

Dance. Dance. Dance. Just dance."

Tonight I am going to a singles gathering with a bunch of single women. Many of us love the opportunity to dance and whether we are asked by the guys or not we will take to the floor and have a blast. Until I have another guy to hold me in the crook of his arm, I will keep on dancin'.

So.......................When the world gets tough.........Why don't we just dance???!!!

LOVE

2010-02-13T11:16:00.000-08:00

Chatting with a friend last night we were discussing how the Savior gave us so many examples in his short mission on earth. It was really only three years that he sojourned among the people teaching them about love primarily. I know that there are so many facets and commandments that we feel we need to adhere to, and sometimes that is overwhelming. But, it is my personal belief that He meant it when he said "The greatest of these is Love".

In Matthew 22:35-38 we see that Christ was asked by the Pharisees which commandment was greater. He told them that first we need to love our Heavenly Father and then we need to love our neighbors as ourselves. Then to really put the exclamation on it He told us that everything else hangs on this principle of love. "On these two commandments hang all the laws and the prophets."

So do we need to feel overwhelmed? Do we need to feel frustrated with everything we are asked to do? I don't think so. I think if we love....our Heavenly Father, our neighbor, our enemy, and ourselves then the rest will come along rather naturally.

Okay, so maybe that isn't as easy as it sounds. Perhaps there is a problem with loving ourselves. If we can't love ourselves, then it follows that it may be harder to love our neighbor. And if we can't love our neighbor then maybe we judge our neighbor, and Christ definitely let us know that was not in keeping with His teachings.

Back to His examples. We wonder about how to treat those who we think aren't living within the correct principles. Maybe someone at church smells of tobacco...do we judge? Absolutely not! Just think of Christ's example with the prostitute who was going to be stoned for adultery in John 8. Didn't He chastise those who were so willing to judge? Didn't He remind them (and us) that they too sin, and therefore have no right to judge. Who will the Lord judge more harshly when we meet with Him to view our Book of Life? I believe it will be those that judged, more than those that smoked, drank. Just imagine if our sins smelled, what would lying smell like? Gossiping? Hypocracy? Imagine the stench in our church meetings if our sins all had an odor. How simple can it be? We are commanded to love, and if we love then we won't judge.

Also if we love, we will reach out to those who don't fit into our little world. In the parable of the good Samaritan, Christ told of the Jew who was beaten, battered, and left for dead. Those in his own circles passed Him by rather than get involved. It was his enemy, a Samaritan, who gave of his time and his money to help the injured man. So how do we apply this to our world today? Maybe to the homosexual, the athiest, the homeless woman on the corner of the freeway? It is too easy to turn our heads, to say "if I give them money they will misuse it". Christ said "Even as ye have done it unto the least of these, my brethren, ye have done it unto me". Would we have walked by Christ and made the judgement against Him that He would have misused our offering? Maybe it is hard to offer money. Maybe instead we can offer our time, our ear, our patience, our love. Everyone has a story, let them share it. How about offering a bottle of water, a granola bar, a Bible or Book of Mormon with the right purpose behind it?

I think sometimes we find ourselves choosing a position sitting on right (conservative), or the left (liberal). Let's think about the homosexual for example. First of all he/she is a child of God, created by Him. He/she is our neighbor too. Have you walked in his shoes, do you really know how he feels, or the torture in his soul? Would Christ have chosen the most liberal point of view saying "Do what you want. If it feels good try it. There is nothing wrong with it." I don't think so. Would He have chosen the most conservative position of "Ignore them. They are sinners. They are defiling and evil." No, I don't think He would be found in that place either. I believe He would have done exactly what He did with the prostitute, He would say "Go and sin no more." and He would tell us "Love your neighbor, and do not judge him." Sometimes I wonder who will be judged most harshly at Jesus knee, the person who was unable to fight against a strong trial, or those of us who choose to turn our backs to our neighbor, turn our love from him and force him to find love elsewhere.

I find it funny sometimes that the person I judge, are those that judge. It's still wrong, it's judging. I don't have that right, and I chastise myself when I catch myself doing it. For instance, when I lived in Virginia there was a very nice older gentleman that lived down the block from us. He was extremely neighborly and greeted us warmly whenever he saw us. I was walking down to the mailbox one day and he was in the front yard so I asked him, "Do you know what time the mail man comes?" His reply literally shocked my very being, "Can't count on anything anymore since they started hiring (derogatory "n word" for those with a black skin) and women." Oh my goodness I turned inside out and found myself very disappointed in that man. But all the way back down the block I counseled myself harshly "Leslie, he was judging others and that's wrong, but it's just as wrong for you to judge him. You don't know how he was raised here in the south, and you don't know what his life experiences are. So Leslie Trosper you have no right to judge him." Only our Heavenly Father, and the Savior know every detail of the road we are on. Only they know what we have been taught by our parents, culture, challenges and experiences. That is why only they can judge. It is very simple, all we have to do is love.

On this valentine day I am going to commit myself to reaching out to others as Christ would, with total unconditional love. And to achieve this goal I recognize I need to start with loving myself. I need to know that Jesus knows my path too, and He will judge me with love as well. Thank goodness!

What a beautiful day!

2010-01-28T19:17:00.000-08:00

Even though I drive a long way to work I have to admit I have loved the rain. It is sad to see those suffer who live in the areas of the fires. I'm in the insurance business and recognize how terrible it is to lose your home. But many people have lost their homes in the past couple of years due to the economy and unfortunately it isn't over. We have seen many natural disasters, and financial disasters take away our homes, memories and shelters. We watch people on street corners with signs saying "Homeless, please help, " and it isn't so easy to look past or through them because we all know someone who is homeless, or could be. We identify. I know I have struggled myself since the divorce and having my hours at work cut. So we have to feel the rain, but still look forward to the blessings and joys in our lives. I was in the shower singing two of my favorite songs that lift my spirits in rain, and in the sunshine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmCpOKtN8ME

Doesn't Gene Kelly boost the adrenalin? I just always want to sing in the rain! "I'm ', just dancing and singin' in the rain! doo doo doo, doo doo da doo"

Today was a perfect day. Clean, refreshed after a rain. All the dirt and muck is washed from the trees and even the freeway signs. It's nice to not see what you are breathing, and it's just all new. 70 degrees, could it be more perfect? Just kind of the day to look forward with hope to renewal and refreshment of our own lives, and the lives of those we love. Even to those we don't even know, but still care about. "Outside my window I hear a red bird singing...".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9tMjYNt1bE

Sarah Buxton just captures that hope doesn't she? I know I'm mooshie and gooshie, but dontcha just feel good now?

Christmas Letter

2009-12-21T19:49:00.000-08:00

I love the whole Christmas season. I love the colors, smells, and the music. I love the whispers and shouts of “Merry Christmas”, and the children’s wishes and dreams. I love the spirit of the holiday beginning with remembering the Savior who came into the world so humbly. The dichotomy is crazy—spending so much while honoring a babe born in the manger. But I love it all, the whole package. It’s just so ……….JOYFUL!! It is a great end to a blessed 2009.

Scott has had a life changing year for sure. He reconnected with an old high school friend (crush) through Facebook. We all could see the writing on the wall immediately, and in a hot air balloon over Temecula he asked Cynthia Allen to marry him in August. They bought a “forever” house that is big enough to raise their future family, and Scotty got his BA degree. To top off that very special year they are going to have a little girl around May 22nd. Neither of them wandered far from where they were raised. Scott is a policeman and Cynthia is a teacher in Chino. They both knew they were waiting for someone special, and they found each other…….again!

Jim, Samantha, Hailey and Madyson are thriving in Lake Elsinore. Hailey started middle school this year…I know can you believe it? She will be 12 in January. Mady is 9 and besides school she enjoyed competition dancing with Just Dance It. We are so proud of both of our beautiful girls. I especially enjoy our “girlie days” together. Jim is working as Guest Services Manager at Riverside Community Hospital where he loves giving hospital patients and their families the kind of attention they need and deserve. Samantha is looking forward to some great opportunities ahead as she works at Winco in receiving. They have had some great family moments this year! One of the best was Madyson's baptism. Uncle Marque did the praying and the dunking but there was lots of family and friends there supporting.

Marque, Sarah, and Leah have done quite a bit of traveling in 2009, disproving those naysayers who said life would change with a baby. Have to tell you they seem to pack and carry a ton of stuff with relative ease. They have really been here for the family this year. I think they have made the trip to California five times. Marque is Vice President over legal stuff (I think) at PMI. Sarah is so creative with her time and talents while she is a full time Mommy to Leah. Leah has had an eventful year learning new words, how to crawl, then walk and lots of other new things. The biggest event for the family, the whole family, was the day the adoption became final. Another special day was when she was sealed in the Mount Timpanogos Temple to her Mommy and Daddy. What a spiritual feast that was. Leah is very proficient in engaging everyone with her big blue eyes and sparkling smile, and is growing way to fast.

As for Bud and I, our divorce became final in February of this year. We have remained friends which makes gathering with family so much easier. Today he is coming over to help wrap the presents we bought together, and then we are heading to Scott and Cynthia’s for a pre-Christmas celebration. He had a heart attack in September which scared all of us, but him particularly. He will be doing some life changing so he can stick around for awhile. I have had some recent changes too. I will be working 3 days a week from now on. Not my idea, but it’s growing on me. Who knows what 2010 will bring?

It is so funny that as our divorce ended our marriage we had such an incredible year of family. We were all together for such magnificent events this year including a baptism, wedding, birthdays, Thanksgiving, and a cruise together to the Mexican Riviera. Bud and I definitely did something right as we raised our children because they are truly amazing. They have turned the tables and given us such love and support as we have lived through this challenge. My boys have chosen the most amazing daughters for me, and have given me a wonderful identity as “Gramma” to the cutest granddaughters ever. I feel incredibly blessed!

Let me wish all of my friends and family a very Merry Christmas and a spectacular 2010!

Analyzing Farmville Addiction...

2009-11-23T16:43:00.000-08:00

I have never been a person who was too crazy about Atari, Nintendo, XBox or Wii. Well, I suppose that isn't totally true because I did love me a little pong, pac-man, and tetris all in different periods of time. I also have to admit to this crazy little addiction to Farmville on Facebook.

It's crazy. Sometimes I wake up early, before dawn early, and think "I have to go milk my cows", or "I have to harvest that corn before it goes bad". Why? This is a question that I ask myself almost immediately after. If I have an opportunity to sleep in, why am I concerned about a virtual farm?

Since I am an analytical person and speak often to the self in my head I was determined to figure this out. I do not have an addictive personality usually. Okay, all that know me know that I am addicted to my big blue jug, or maybe the diet coke inside, but other than that I am a pretty sane person. After having an internal conversation about the nature of this escape into Farmville I realized it is an escape from reality. But, not only that, it is having a sense of control over something.

Control. This is one small word that I think has a big impact in our life. Control can be defined not by Webster but by Leslie in two ways: 1) Having power over someone or something 2) having power over someone or something. I know that sounds the same, but it really is very different. #1 implies overpowering, using a forceful nature to make someone or something go your way. #2 means being empowered to change a perspective or situation for yourself.

Confused? Let me explain how I happened to be aware of the importance of control. I had a very good friend who got the HIV virus from a transfusion she was given when she had her sixth child. It became AIDS and she was terminal. She certainly didn't have control over this situation. There was nothing she could do to change this medical diagnosis at that particular time. But, we don't like to give up control of our life that easily so Carolyn called on our church congregation and the priesthood to help give her back control, or in this case her life. We all prayed, blessings were given, but we also asked that we all could have the strength to survive God's will, whatever it might be. Carolyn was so brave as she faced the rest of her life. But, if she couldn't control this major aspect of her life, she could control other aspects.

This is where I learned that a survivor doesn't just give up when life doesn't go their way they look for another place that they can have control. We went to help her with her children, help her clean her house. I know she appreciated it, but it probably made her feel even more out of control. When I went to her house one day to lend a hand I was surprised when she didn't want me to do those kind of "mundane" chores, she wanted to go into her garden and pull weeds. We must have been a funny sight her leaning on me to get to the garden because she was six feet tall and a little over, I am five feet tall and a little under. But when we made it into the garden she loved shoving her fingers into the soil....it gave her so much to have a little control over something. Before she was bedridden she had also gotten a space for our congregation to use as a community garden and she was very busy organizing it, and then making it ready for all of us to use. After she was bedridden she found some control by making sure the congregation had water for our food supply by locating water bottles.

So thanks to Carolyn I am aware that if life gives us things we have no control over...like death of someone we love, illness, loss of job, divorce or a plethora of life's challenges, we may have to give up our control in that part of our life, but we can empower ourselves in another way. We can give into depression, anger, and frustration or we can look forward by manning ourselves with tools that keep us going.

Am I saying then that I play Farmville because I can control that when I can't control how my body works, or my marital situation? Yes, I guess that's what I'm saying. Maybe I am not as altruistic as my friend Carolyn but I am finding ways to keep me from just feeling sorry for myself. Really there are other ways that I have used this theory to my own good other than just playing Farmville and I do encourage others to do the same. Right now, for instance, I have a bum knee. I haven't been able to do alot of things I would like to do. Generally I like to get my house clean before I do anything else, but since my leg is in pain after just a minute or two of being up it doesn't get cleaned, and the next day I just start over again. So I was finding myself sitting in front of the "boob tube" being lazy and feeling sorry for myself. At one point I had to do laundry, no choice, so as I was sitting on the couch folding my clothes I sensed a bit of control or empowerment. No kidding, I realized I could do that and it felt good to be able to do something. So I wrote down a bunch of things I could do sitting. Write thank-you's, sort filing, reorganize my filing system, clean drawers, write blogs, write in my journal, were just a few of the things I wrote down. This took me from the doldrums and being out of control, to empowerment. Oh, and I also can do Farmville! Gotta go harvest those olive trees now. Bye.

The Glass Half Full

2009-11-01T09:38:00.000-08:00

My mother is the optimist of all optimists. Whenever she faces a tough time, or when one of us faces an obstacle she reminds us "Well, I always choose to see the glass half full....and....", then she will continue making an observation about the situation that finds that positive point of view. For instance: when I was crying about my marriage ending and how I didn't have any choice or control in the situation she said "Well I always choose to see the glass half full, and you and Bud are lucky that you are such good friends."

You can see how I tend to be an optimist myself, I was trained well. I am so grateful for my Mom's point of view. It has always been helpful to look for the silver lining in any cloud. It helps me be resilient. I think of myself like a basketball...usually in the air, in the middle of a fun game. Once in a while I hit the ground but bounce up rather quickly to be passed on to another situation and maybe even score a few. But, there have been times in my life that I have been dribbled pretty close to the ground and had a harder time finding the resilience to bounce back up and into the game. However, I always do because I have been trained to look for the bright spots, the open spaces, and have learned that it's a lot more fun to be in the game high, than close to the ground.

That being said, I have objected to my mom's theory that it's best to look at the glass half full...be an optimist. At one point when she was reminding me of her optimistic view I pointed out that I would never be a pessimist. I can't even imagine not trying to find the "sunny side" of any cloudy day. My question is how do we appreciate the glass 1/2 full and still want it to be completely full? That requires a step beyond optimism in my view, it requires a blend of realism with the optimism. Thomas Edison would never have invented the light bulb if he had been content to see the glass 1/2 full. I believe Tom was an optimist. I believe he saw the world through pretty rosy glasses, but he wasn't content to say "I see the glass half full, or "Aren't I lucky that I have a fire to study by?", or "Gee this candle is sure a bright one tonight." No, he took a look at how lucky he was to see the world as a pretty optimistic place, but how can I make it better? He had to push beyond the "Pollyanna" vision and the rose colored glasses to make life EVEN better.

I have a friend who raised way more than her share of kids. What an amazing person she was. Always optimistic and funny as heck. She wrote me a poem once thanking me for seeing her as she was...through the clown surface. "I've always been the village clown. Always up and never down..." She would help us mothers get through our grey days by cracking us up with her kids antics. She was an artist too so she had tempra paint around the house. Tempra paint is powdered and then mixed with water for the desired consistency and color. Her kids got her paint and made it "snow" in their bedroom. Can you just imagine that picture of them jumping up and down while making it snow. Well they were good kids and recognized they better clean up the mess so they put a hose through the window to wash down the "snow". Can you imagine Mom's surprise to enter to the room and see rivers of "green" tempra paint all over the room? If only I could tell the story with the antimation she did appreciating her kids ingenuity. I admired her because she could see the humor in this devastating circumstance. What I saw later in life is that she chose to see the "bright" side of situations with her children when they were older that weren't so bright, really. She helped me see that we can't always see the glass as half full because it isn't. I recognized that rose colored glasses can sometimes turn into blinders. We have to be able to see things for what they are or we won't be able to resolve them.

So in summary, I believe it is absolutely awesome to be raised in a household where we looked on the "sunny side of the street". It is good to see the glass as half full rather than half empty. But sometimes you have to recognize that the better plan is to be grateful for whatever is filling your glass, but wonder how you can fill it up to overflowing. Take off the blinders, take off the rose color glasses so you can see the world in all it's beautiful colors and for what it really is. Life. Life, full of clouds so we recognize the rainbows, full of sticky thorns on beautiful roses, dribbling the ball down on the floor to get the resilience to bounce up for a pass and a basket.

I'm alright!

2009-10-21T11:27:00.000-07:00

I love music. As a matter of fact I claim that to be one of my talents, loving music....lyrics and melodies, from the simple to the sublime, from hip hop to classical. I wish, I really wish that I was capable of putting my thoughts to music, but I then again I find that it isn't necessary for me to do so because other people do. Isn't it amazing that people all over have exactly the same or similar experiences and feelings to life that I do, and they can write it to fit my emotions to a T?

Throughout my life I found that most of those lyrics that met my emotional fit, were the ones involving love, family, and happy times. In recent years they have involved heartbreak, unrequited love, and memories of happier times. Still more recently the songs that I relate to involve reconciling with all those emotions, acceptance, survival, hope, and yes, even joy.

There have been so many times I have considered writing a blog on different songs that simply describe what my feeling is at that particular moment. So here is the first of many.

And I guess I'm feeling alright!

On my playlist to the right you will be listening to Jodee Messina singing
"I'm Alright" written and also recorded by Phil Vassar.

I'm all I'm all I'm alright
It's a beautiful day not a cloud in sight so I guess I'm doin' alright
O-oh o-oh, I'm alright
I got a good old friend here with me tonight and I guess I'm doin' alright
Said I guess I'm doin' alright
Oh I'm all I'm all I'm alright
It's a beautiful day not a cloud in sight so I guess I'm doin' alright
O-oh o-oh, I'm ma ma ma alright
I got a good old friend here with me tonight and I guess I'm doin' alright
Well I'm doin' alright
Well I'm doin' alright

Can you imagine...

2009-10-14T14:58:00.000-07:00

I got a card from my Mom yesterday. She was talking about her "beautiful, bouncing, baby girl" having a birthday.

Being a rather ordinary person, it is amazing to note that I did bounce into the world in a rather extraordinary way. I loved the story when I was young, and when I got older I thought that it had been "added upon" for the "telling" value, but found that it was pretty much as presented. One of the newspaper articles said "this little lady will have quite a story to tell when she is older, with plenty of newspaper articles to show because Denver newspapers gave quite a play to this happy event". My baby books are replete with lots of newspaper articles.

My dad worked for Ford Motor Company and it was in the company newspaper something like this "Ford employee, William Bliss, helped deliver his little baby girl, Leslie Dianne, in his 1946 Ford Coupe." Wasn't that irony? To me the most ironic thing is that my Dad who was raised in Denver his whole life got lost getting my Mom to the hospital. How is that possible? Okay, maybe there was a terrible snow blizzard and he couldn't see a thing. Perhaps it was pure panic at the thought of becoming a father, or the fact that I wasn't expected for five to six weeks. Maybe he had too much coffee in him because he had to sit at the counter drinking coffee waiting for the Dr. to call because they had no phone at their apartment. My Mom must have been freezing in the car, in labor, no less watching him through the window just drinking more coffee. Of course to hear my mom tell the story she wasn't even sure she was in labor until her water broke. I don't know why my dad got lost but he did.

This was the era that was just transitioning from binding women so they couldn't give birth until the proper time. My Dad had just read a LIFE magazine article discussing the detrimental effects this practice would have on babies and their mothers. He suggested my mom remove her panties so it wouldn't bind and when she did I was born. Now this is the part I thought was magnified. "You were born and before you hit the floor Daddy grabbed you, and I grabbed the steering wheel." "WHAT???" Did they really mean I was born as they were moving in this blizzard condition while they were lost? Come on! How incredible is that? Well it was true apparently. Sometimes it is this quick birth that is used to explain, or try to explain, my short height; "You hit the floorboard and it stunted your growth." My craziness; "The reason you are so NUTS is because you hit the floorboard when you were born."

This wasn't the end of this amazing story. After I was born my Mom wrapped me in her coat. You know I never asked, but I do assume that at some point they did stop the car and re-adjust. But, eventually they headed on their little hunt for the hospital. Just ahead there is a light in the distance, yes, yes, it IS a hospital.

Can you imagine the nurses trying to put together the rantings of my 26 year old father exclaiming "My wife just had a baby in the car. My baby is in the car." Finally they placated him by scurrying to the car...I'm sure they didn't want to, remember there was a blizzard! When they got there the nurse said "There IS a baby, there IS a baby!" She sent my Dad back into the hospital for the gauze and scissors. My mom said she had gauze for many years to come because they just kept stuffing it into his pockets. The nurse cut the cord and declared "You can't bring them in here. This is a tuberculosis hospital." She sent them on their way to Beth Israel hospital.

After they finally arrived at the correct hospital they went to get a gurney, or was it a wheelchair, for my mom and me. My mom being the farm girl she was, was ready to get up and walk into the hospital. It was all just too easy for her, but she was so naive, she hadn't had the afterbirth removed yet. Can you imagine her walking in with the cord swinging back and forth between her legs?? Yuck and LOL...hard to get over that vision.

So finally we made it. I was declared born at 5:20 am (I don't know if that was the birth time, or the arrival at the hospital time) on October 14, 1947. My Dad was William James Bliss 26 years old, and my Mom was Veora Rose Johnson Bliss 22 years old. I was a baby boomer. There was no room for my mom at the inn, and her hospital bed was in the hallway. I wasn't the only baby born that day, but I know I had the biggest adventure getting there.

I am 62 years old today so that day was long ago. I've had a very good and fulfilling life, but I don't think there has ever been a day I have been so unexpected and so extraordinary. Maybe it's time I start living up to my grand entrance! LOL

Okay....when is enough, enough?

2009-09-29T10:32:00.000-07:00

I'm a Pollyanna, I admit it. There are people who say they have never seen me without a smile on my face. I'm a true lemonade maker from the lemons I'm given. My favorite quotes have to do with having a positive attitude and finding the good in everything, everyone, and every situation. I can't help it. It probably comes from recognizing that there are always people who have it worse than me, no matter what. That's true isn't it?

Well I have been thrown so many lemons lately that I think I am going to drown in the lemonade. Things haven't gone well lately.

Every time I let myself feel grief I almost immediately remind myself how many good things are in my life, and for those I am ever grateful.

Someone told me recently that maybe the reason things keep happening to upset my life is because I never let my life get upset. Well that's just darn unfair if that's true! Honestly, I do feel blessed, but if anyone told me they were going through some of the things I'm going through, I would really feel bad for them, yet I don't give myself that same sympathy.

Here it is with as much emotion as I can muster for myself:

We bought our first house when I was 21 years old in Fullerton and here I am almost 62 about to have no home. Maybe there are some things I could have done along the way to change the situation partially but for the most part this loss is not because of any mistakes I have made.

I have had a multitude of health issues, but I am grateful to keep chugging along. This past year those problems plus stress have caused me to become too tired....well beyond tired, I am suffering from extreme exhaustion. I work all week, drive 110 miles a day back and forth, and on the weekends I sleep to prepare myself for the next week.

I've also lost my husband, well actually I didn't lose him, he chose to leave, and with him he took what I considered to be an excellent marriage. I have pondered, reviewed and tortured myself, but though I don't profess to be perfect, I KNOW I was in the marriage 100%. There was nothing more important to me, and I honored every vow, covenant, and promise I made. I was there for him in every way possible, sometimes probably more than I should have been. It was the biggest loss I have ever felt, and even though I can recognize the virtues in my life, I am still mourning.

Yesterday my boss told me that he is forced to cut my wages, my hours, or let me go. He just hired someone in January. She is an amazing worker, no doubt, and she makes less than I do. She is Hispanic and has that community that we have never been able to fully enter until now. The other person in the office has just been with Farmers for 5 years. So together they have less than half of my 26 years of experience in the business, and they make more than half of my pay. They aren't losing money, hours, or their job. Why? Yes my health has had an effect on my performance, but even at a lower performance rate I still function better than most people in my position. Is this a medical discrimination? Age discrimination? No, I think it is experience discrimination. I make more money than most of the people in my position. They are paying me pretty much what my previous employer was paying me when they bought him out. I haven't asked for increases (except when gas went through the roof the first time) because I was aware that they paid me more than most. But they were reaping the benefits of my experience as well. A couple years ago I found someone who was going to pay me an equitable salary and they offered me some incentives, which they recently pulled....a hint of what was coming, and so I felt valued and chose to stay. Besides, I love my clients. Now, there is no offer and I can't survive without the income. So they have taken away my pride and my independence which were almost all I had left.

No, that's not true, is it? I have my granddaughters and future grandchildren, my kids and their spouses, my extended family, and my faith. The Lord is with me. I will survive in spite of crap. Crap!

Labor Day "Neighbor Day"

2009-09-08T04:38:00.000-07:00

When I was a young girl we lived at 1569 S. Forest Street in Denver, Colorado. We moved in our brand new home in 1956. It was a cool ranch style home with 3 bedrooms, 1 bathroom and an unfinished basement. At that time there were my Mom and Dad, and 3 sisters. Mom was very pregnant and my brother Bill was born shortly afterward. Eventually that house would hold 7 children and my folks and sometimes lots of cousins. It never seemed that crowded and it amazes me how big houses have become, and how it seems that every child has to have their own room ....but that's another story. It's always fun moving into a new housing tract because everyone is new and so the neighbors grow their lives together, and that's the way it was there in Denver. There were no privacy fences in Colorado, we had chain link between our houses, and that was even too confining, so stiles (stairsteps) were built over the fences to enable us to move between neighbors more easily. A tradition was started in that neighborhood that carries forth today, Neighbor Day. Everyone got their chores done quickly and then games were set up in each of the back yards....badmitton, ping pong, volleyball, croquet, swimming pools etc. We could move between the houses having fun with all the neighbors and the day would culminate with a pot luck dinner and one of the homes. What fun we had and what memories we built.

The memories were so strong and so fun that when we moved in our house on Larkspur Lane in 1977 I wanted to make sure to create the same feelings for my family. So on our first Labor Day there on Larkspur Lane we had our "Neighbor Day". We had it out under the street light in our cul de sac. The Pratt's didn't move in until the next month, and so the end of the street was a pile of dirt. There was no park where so many future celebrations would be held. It was a timid little start, but oh how it grew over the years. As each new neighbor moved in they were immediately apprised of the closeness of the neighborhoods and of the Larkspur Lane block parties. We had lots of people move in and out...the Castelaws, Romo's, Ron Smiths, Siaosi's, Fellbaums, Durham's, too many to mention them all....hopefully I will get reminders from my kids and other neighbors, but the core group that eventually moved in and stayed through the raising of our children became known as the "Larkspur Mafia". This group consisted of the Pratt's, Trosper's, Greg Smith's, Rouleau's, Pederson's, Hanson's, Torgerson's, Fellbaum's, and Durham's. As neighbors came and went, joining into and leaving the fun, this group would always be there. We would kind of trade turns being hosts which meant "who would make, print, and deliver" the flier to the entire block, then at around 2:00 in the afternoon we would start peeking out our windows to see if Betty and Marce had started heading down to the end of the cul de sac and that would be our cue to head out for "Neighbor Day".

Usually we would set the barbecues in the street, and the tables up on the grass for the rest of the food...and there was always tons of food. Everyone got creative at Labor Day picnics and brought out their best side dishes and desserts. There were always activities, sometimes a little baseball, croquet, horseshoes, swimming at the pool, balloon tosses, water fights. The best was the year that Marcel Hanson brought out a piece of plastic and we somehow hooked the water up to it and made this awesome "slip and slide" that we all took our turns on. Mostly though, I remember the women sitting in a circle just chatting with each other. It was a last hurrah before the kids were back in school. Sometimes it was burning hot, and sometimes it was cold. Remember the year we all had to put sweaters, blankets, little ski hats on to stay warm? I think that was when Emily Pratt was just a baby. It was freezing that year. So much nostalgia.

My kids did build those special memories with their neighborhood, the Larkspur kids, and all of the shared holidays. We also celebrated Memorial Day block parties, 4th of July shared fireworks, Christmas parties with caroling, summer plays, break dancing shows. It was a bunch of brothers and sisters living together on that block. Sometimes they fought, but they grew up together as one big family. The parents shared memories of raising our kids together. I remember the year and a half that we had 19 brand new drivers on the block......scary! We all watched out for each other and each others kids too. I have heard some great stories from my kids lately that some of the other parents were right there to protect and scold my kids when I wasn't around.

I will never forget the memories of my childhood and as a young parent when we drew together as a community and celebrated patriotism, family, and friends. Marque and Sarah have that kind of relationship with their neighbors in American Fork, Utah. They say their neighborhood parties are like the Larkspur Mafia get-togethers "on steroids". They have taken it to the next level with snow cone machines, bouncers, and elaborate water slides, but they are building memories with their neighbors. Because of that relationship they never want to leave. They want to raise Leah and future children within that safe cocoon. Jim and Sam have built a strong relationship with their neighbors as well. The whole neighborhood can be found quite frequently at Don and Candice's (across the street) swimming, barbecuing, dancing, and playing games together. Cynthia and Scott just bought a HUGE new house to start their life together. They plan to have and raise their family there. Scott said he loved the security of living in the same place for his whole life and wanted to give his children the same experience. I am sure the Larkspur Block parties added to the fun and the security. I hope they will take the time to get to know their neighbors and start the tradition in their new neighborhood. They have a park right across from their house that would be perfect for gathering people together.

Unfortunately things have changed. People have moved, divorced, and passed away. Only the Smiths and the Pratts are there now. Occasionally we will get together and remember the old days when we were young, and our kids were young. The talk between the women went from baby showers, to back to school breakfasts at Denny's, to weddings, grandchildren, body aches and pains, to mourning our loved ones...but who can understand better than those who have lived your life with you. Thanks for the memories Larkspur Mafia! I love you all!!!!!

Tagged by Marque!

2009-07-29T23:16:00.000-07:00

Quilt being made for someone's wedding by Aunt Susan

Shhhh! Don't tell them.

Folder 7 Picture 7

Folder 6 Picture 6

Sea World

Barry, Becky & Braydon Hill after blessing

Folder 5 Picture 5

Leah visiting Gramma

Folder 4 Picture 4

Cynthia Allen (soon to be Trosper)
First time meeting (again) February 2009

Folder 3 Picture 3

Folder 2 Picture 2

Testing the camera--The grinch off TV
Folder 1 Picture 1

Scott Christmas 2008

Marque was tagged by my niece Anna, and then he tagged me along with 6 other people. The original challenge was to post the 7th picture in the 7th folder, but Marque did all the folders and matching picture up to the 7th folder, 7th picture. I did the same but backwards. My pictures aren't great, but it was fun to see what random photos were posted.

So I will tag Casey, Jennifer, Beth, Samantha, Sarah, Jason, and Jayne.

Strangely, there aren't many my age who blog, so I am choosing those in the younger crowd.

...more to say

2009-07-24T10:33:00.000-07:00

My baby is getting married two weeks from tomorrow! What a handsome young man he is. An exemplary one too. He has found a bride to match. Cynthia is a bright penny. She is full of energy, has excellent goals, a high value system and she loves her family. I believe she already loves ours too. Besides all of that, she is absolutely darling.

I don't know that Scott has found one negative thing about his future wife. She has found one, the same and only thing that I ever found to nag my son about, procrastination. I'm looking, with anticipation, to see if she can help him overcome this small inconsistency in his otherwise shiny armor. It's a hard call, if I was a betting woman, I wouldn't know where to throw my money. After all I've tried a long time to help him overcome, but she is one strong cookie, and she has some loving techniques that just might do it................I'll keep you posted.

Good friends, Ken & Tina Pratt, have lovingly offered their home and backyard for the celebration. They are working like crazy to make a beautiful venue even more perfect. It is high on the hills over Temecula so it will be a lovely August evening wedding. The only negative is it won't hold all of the people we would all like to come. There are so many friends who, like me, were waiting for this day, and so after the honeymoon I am going to have a party to introduce the newlyweds to those who are unable to attend the actual wedding.

Scott proposed high above the ground in a hot air balloon. How romantic! See he did get all those sensitivity lessons I pounded in his brain. When they touched ground both families met them and we celebrated with fruit, crackers and cheese, lots of tears and hugs. Cynthia has a delightful family. It's so hard to believe we lived just a few blocks from them for both of their lives.

Scott had a crush on Cynthia in high school, and they worked together at PetSmart for quite awhile, so they had a good friendship. He didn't make any moves for two reasons; 1) he was a shy guy, and 2) she had a boyfriend. Apparently she had thought about him since then as well, but somehow thought he was married and living in Utah. Imagine her surprise when she learned he was a police officer in Chino. Imagine his surprise to learn that she was a teacher working for the Chino Unified School District.

Now, I always like to push "Mom-power" so I will tell you that frequently over the past 15 years since he graduated that I asked him if he had seen Cynthia, knew what she was doing or if she was married. As a matter of fact when I was trying to persuade him to get on Facebook I said something like "You never know you might find some long lost friend, like Cynthia Allen." Sure enough she contacted him over Facebook after she found out he was in Chino when he stopped a friend. He just gave a warning, not a ticket.....what a nice cop!

Well that was the start of the romance in February. There was no easing into it, they were just meant to be. They allowed for re-evaluation up until the 24th of February, but then it was full throttle into "head over heels". Some people are surprised to hear they are marrying after such a short courtship, but those of us in the family have been expecting, and even planning since that first month because it was that obvious.

In addition to this bit of happiness, they also signed papers on their new house yesterday. So they are beginning to move furniture from his Lake Elsinore home, and her Chino condo today. It is a house they plan on living in forever, and they plan on filling the rooms with lots of children, which makes this Gramma very happy. As you can tell I am already so happy about this new daughter-in-luv who is going fill Scott's life with boundless joy!

Today, I am also thinking about another daughter-in-luv, Sarah. Today is her birthday! Happy Birthday Sarah. When I called her today to sing "It's your birthday shout hooray, I want to sing to you today, One year older and wiser too, Happy Birthday to you!", she was just getting ready to take a trip to St. George. Marque is taking her for a special weekend. He has some great plans to help her celebrate her special day. No one knows how to celebrate like Sarah. She loves having fun, and planning to have fun. What a special lady she is. Words fail me when I try to describe how I giggle when I think of Sarah. She sings in the shower, she knows every word to every musical, every Disney movie and can join in that strange language that Marque, Jim, and Scott speak when they have conversations in movie quotes. She is quiet. and so her sense of humor is quiet, but unbelievable. She cracks me up with her one-liners, quietly said, but packed with so much wit. She is the best mom, and just relishes every moment with Leah. I hope she has more kids, because they will be lavished with love. She is perfect for Marque and balances him amazingly well. Together they are an awesome team. You can tell how much I love this daughter-in-luv. They only thing that keeps her from perfection is being so far away. Happy Birthday Sarah!

Since I'm singing the praises of my girls, I certainly can't leave out my first daughter, Samantha. I didn't blog on her birthday I guess, and that was a sad oversight because she was my first daughter-in-luv. She is the one who first fulfilled my desire for a shopping companion, a confidant, a buddy, an emotional, sensitive, FEMALE! I never have to worry about my boys knowing how loved they are....that's the point.....they probably get tired of all that mush and are glad they have all given me wonderful daughters to focus the gooey stuff on. Samantha said in one of the cards she gave me that I was her best friend. That touched my heart because we all hear the "mothers-in-law" stories....and there is nothing more awesome than to have your "daughter-in-law" find something to love. I'm so glad Samantha lives closeby because though we rarely have time to take them as often as we would like, we love our "girly" time. Samantha was the first to call and see if I was okay yesterday on our anniversary date. She knew it might be a tough time. Thanks Sam!

So first we had Samantha and her birthday is June 24th. Sarah was the 2nd and her birthday is July 24th. We told Scott he needed to find someone with an "S" name whose birthday was on the 24th as well. Believe it or not (S)ynthia's birthday is February 24th.......now that is fate!

So much to say!

2009-07-23T11:42:00.000-07:00

Some days there just doesn't seem like anything to write about. Other days there seems to be so much to say, and not enough time or room to say it. I'm just going to get these things down, just like a journal entry.

Today, July 23rd, would have been my 43rd anniversary, and 21st anniversary of being sealed in the temple. Just a statement of the circumstances is that it saddens me so much and I called Bud to say "Happy Un-Anniversary", and it hadn't even occurred to him.

Tuesday my step-father, Herb Baldwin, had hip surgery. Because of lung and heart problems there was indication that this might not be a cinch. As a matter of fact when they were going to do the surgery in Yuma the anesthesiologist indicated there might be a 90 - 95% chance his heart and he wouldn't make it through the surgery. So I was very, very concerned and spent an anxious day until I heard he was okay. I was so thankful my sister, Susan, and her husband, Bill, was there to support my Mom.

She gave the following report paraphrased slightly; "There was an x-ray originally showing there was a fracture that went down from the ball into the length of the femur, but the doctor said that when he opened Herb up the ball of the joint had broken completely off, he could just pick it up. There were jagged parts on both of the broken parts that were rubbing against one another and that was part of what was causing so much pain. So a titanium post was inserted into the femur bone and a ball attached to that, A titanium socket was attached to his hip with a plastic cup in that in which the ball fits. Both the post and the socket are a little porous so that the bone will grow into the metal and make the hip much stronger than it was before. It will take some time for that to happen so Herb will be using a walker and later crutches probably for at least 6 to 8 weeks. Herb was real shaky after the surgery and quivered for over 2 hours, he felt like he had chills and couldn't get warm even though he had about 8 blankets on and his temp was normal. Finally he was given a muscle relaxant to help him stop shaking as well as a pain killer, and then he fell asleep. The doctor said there are still many things to watch, but right now it looks good. "

Herb married my mom 17 years ago. He is really a good guy. I hated to see him be wheel-chair and bed bound, and to see my Mom's life change so dramatically caring for him (although she was glad she could do it, of course). I am happy for both of them that they now have some hope for living without the pain and that he will be able to be more active. Love you Mom and Herbie Baby!

Hailey, Mady and I took a whirlwind trip to Peoria, AZ (a suburb of Phoenix) for my Aunt Betty's funeral. Her death was very sudden. She was fine earlier in the day and then started having severe pain and asked to be taken to emergency. They were concerned from the location of the pain that it might involve the heart, or a kidney stone. It was pancreatitis. She didn't even live for the two days they gave her. My mom was so sad that she wasn't able to attend. She and Aunt Betty were the same age and they always loved each others company. It was wonderful to be in Phoenix with my cousins and their families as they celebrated Aunt Betty's life. What an amazing woman she was. Patty had been recording her mom answering questions about her life, and so she had alot of Betty's own words to share with us. Kathy spoke directly to her Mom believing, as do I, that she was present and observing us all with keen vision (she has had problems for years and her sight was almost non-existent). Each grandchild stood and shared personal insights and tender memories of Grandma B!

We were concerned about Hailey and Mady attending a funeral. Especially Madyson. She had a tough time watching Michael Jackson's funeral. There was no reason for concern. We had discussed dying, going to heaven, meeting God, Jesus and other loved ones. Aunt Betty's big brother (my Dad) was in heaven and would run to his sister and twirl her around. They might even dance because they both loved dancing! We talked about Aunt Betty being able to see now, and not having any pain. I told them even though people would cry at the funeral because we would be missing her, but there would be happy times of laughing as well because of the good things in her life. Mady would put her little arm around me when she saw me struggling, and the kleenex dabbing my eyes and cheeks. She could reach to the small of my back and she rubbed, and reached up to my neck and massaged it, and stroked my hair. She leaned over and told Hailey on the other side of me that she should do the same when I was sad. What a bright spot for me to have this empathetic little angel there. And we were worried about her! It was special to see my Uncle Art (Northern CA), Aunt Leona ( Kansas), Aunt Margaret (Mississippi), and my cousins Kathy, Vaughn, Patty, Mike, their kids and grandkids, Dale, Valerie, Debra, and Denise. I am so grateful for a big, loving, supportive family. Full of bliss! (Bliss was my maiden name for those who didn't know.)

I have such fun traveling with Hailey and Madyson. They are such good companions. We sang, played good music, stopped and ate a couple of times, stayed at a neat hotel. We cruised to Target and In-n-Out with the top down in 106 degree weather at 9:00 at night. Da girls and I had a blast. I love you guys!

I think I will post more tomorrow...........so much to say!

I had a dream last night!

2009-07-02T16:20:00.000-07:00

I very rarely dream, but I did last night. I never remember my dreams when I do have them, but I did last night. It is still clear to me 10 hours later. I don't ever try to interpret dreams, but I did last night.

Many of my friends were gathered around helping me do a garage sale. I seemed to be surprised at the amount of money I was taking in, and was finding more and more to put out for sale. I was giving up things that had great meaning to my life, and even began finding some joy in doing it. Then...

Scott came to me and asked advice about the upcoming wedding. He listened very intently to the great wise words I was sharing. Then we were up on the 2nd floor of an addition in the frame stage of build. Marque, Jim, and Scott were there offering advise on just how to complete the addition and make the "new" part of my house just right. Then....

I went to the edge of the floor where there were no walls. I yelled for help and my three daughters-in-law, Samantha, Sarah, and Cynthia all ran to bring me a ladder so I could get down. Then...

As I was getting ready to go down the ladder which the girls were holding I looked at the pile of dirt and thought it might be fun to jump into, although I was a little fearful that it wouldn't be a soft landing. I took the risk and threw myself off the building into the dirt pile and slid to the bottom. It was so much fun that everyone else started jumping and slliding to the bottom. Then...

I woke up!

Well, I don't think this dream even takes too much interpretation, to me it is pretty straight forward tell me what you think. I think the garage sale with my friends around is me looking through my life and moving on with the support of friends.

Scott's asking my advice tells me that my place in the family is strong. That my kids still turn to me for advice, comfort and support. But they are there for me in a big way as well.

The new addition implies that my old life is important, but it is time to add on to that. A new chapter, if you will. My boys will be there for advise and support as I build this new life. My sweet daughters-in-love are there too. Their love and "girlpower" are so important to me. I think the pile of dirt is representive of just jumping into this new life and enjoying it.

What do you think?

Sweet Little Leah!

2009-07-01T10:38:00.000-07:00

I just came across this letter I wrote to Leah when she was to be sealed to her family and given a name and a blessing. I thought I should put it on my blog.

Sweet Little Leah,

I absolutely believe you were always supposed to be a part of the family. When I first looked into those big blue eyes I saw a little bit of heaven. You are an angel. Smiling is just symptomatic of your bright, happy personality. It is easy to see that not only are you going to brighten everyone’s lives, but you will find joy everywhere you look, just like your Mommy and Daddy.

We all waited a long time for you to come into the family, but we knew you would come. Your Mom and Dad are just too special to not use their talents, gifts, and love to bless a precious baby and help her grow to be a loved, valuable daughter of God.

The joy you have given me, your Grampa, Uncles Jimmy and Scott, your Aunt Samantha, and your cousins Hailey and Madyson is hard to explain especially since we are so far away. But, we love to read your Daddy’s blog and see the pictures he posts. It makes us feel almost like we are right there with you. I just wish I could kiss your cheek and give you a “snuggle” every single day. Mommy dresses you so cute and she giggles when she takes videos of you laughing, so we laugh too. Leah, even though we don’t live close to you we all love you so much. Maybe someday we will all live close enough to watch you grow up. I hope so!

When your Mommy called to tell me that you were finally and officially a Trosper I cried. I knew it was going to happen, but it still touched my heart to know it was true. I laughed when I heard you blew bubbles the whole time the judge spoke. What a silly girl! Will you ever understand the miracle this all was? How God must have played such a role in bringing together your parents and Caitlin. There were many tears proceeding this wonderful day, but they were all worth it! You are beautiful and bright just like your Mommy and you are happy and clever just like your Daddy. You look like you belong, and you do!

Now you will be sealed to your parents for “time and all eternity”. You will be sealed to both of your families forever. We all need to live the life we should to be worthy to live that life with you and with Heavenly Father. You are a little angel sent directly from God, through Caitlin, into our hearts and our family. I love you sweet girl.

Love, Gramma Trosper

"Live the Life You Choose"

2009-06-13T03:15:00.000-07:00

"Live the Life you Choose!" A friend recently had those words tatooed on his shoulder. I have reflected since then on the meaning and truth, or lack of truth in this statement. (As an aside: I don't personally like tattoos, but it's his life, and he gets to choose! Ha ha!)

The title of my blog is "Leslie lives life, loves life, and laughs at life." This is true, but I didn't say "Leslie gets to live the life she chooses" because many times in my life it has been proven that I didn't get to make the choice. My husband, my children, or even friends made choices that changed the life I chose. My health has even played a part in the life I live. I do have a choice in how I respond to the life I didn't choose, and therein lies the choice.

I love the story of Corrie Ten Boom. She was the Christian living in Holland whose family hid and helped Jews escape from Hitler's Nazis. Eventually they were taken to concentration camps themselves. Corrie and her sister Betsie were interred together at Ravensbruck one of the most insidious and cruel camps. As I remember her telling the story in her book THE HIDING PLACE she was incredulous that her sister would thank God in her prayers for the lice and other vermin in their prisons, but her sister explained that the rats and lice kept the guards away. I so admire and try to follow Betsie's example in how to live the life she was given. Corrie and Betsie made righteous choices and lived exemplary lives, but they didn't choose the life they were living.

I believe we can dream, make goals, and live a better life. What would our life be without striving for things that would improve us, or lift us up? It is important, also, to "Live your life that you have no regrets." How important is that? Love One Another is the first thing that comes to mind when I think of living a life with no regrets. Reach out to those in need, don't hurt those you love, and if you do....rectify your life, get right with them and with God so there is no regret.

As I see it, the purpose of this earth life is to receive a body, to be challenged with trials, and to have the agency to choose how we respond to those trials. Maybe there was a time in the pre-existence that we were made aware of some of the difficulties we would face, but none of us were given a life free of sorrow and pain. With the Lord's guidance and love we can learn from our trials, endure, and return to our Father in Heaven able to be proud of the life we lived.

We do need to love ourselves. I think we forget sometimes that the Lord says "Love your neighbor, as you love yourself". Very clearly we can't do one without the other. I have heard, though, that we live in the "me generation", in a "horizontal society" rather than a "vertical society". That means rather than looking to God for the best answers.... we look to ourselves and our peers. "If it feels good, do it." or "What makes ME feel good?", "What's in it for ME?" Kind of a selfish view, more or less. Is that the way God intended us to live?

So, I like the way it sounds "Live the Life You Choose" and I'm sure my friend meant it in the very best way, but I hope while he is living the life he chooses, he remembers there are other people living it with him. He always did live an exceptionally unselfish life. I hope his new declaration doesn't change that, and that he will continue living a life with no regrets.

I know the life I am living right now is definitely not the life I chose. I chose to marry the man I loved and have an eternal family. Things didn't work out, so I am not living the life I choose. I am choosing to live the best I can with the life I have.

What are your thoughts?

How could it be June already?

2009-06-05T13:13:00.000-07:00

I don't know if it's because I'm getting older, but time is passing so quickly! I have commented to many people that it just seems like we celebrated Christmas and it is summertime. Surprisingly, I found a Dr. Seuss quote that sums it up pretty well.

"How did it get so late so soon?

Its night before it's afternoon.

December is here before its June.

My goodness how the time has flewn.

How did it get so late so soon?"

There are so many things to do, so few hours in a day, and so few days in a week to complete them. At this rate I will have to live a great many more years to accomplish all my hopes, dreams, and goals.......oh, and to get my closet cleaned!!!!

Single and Mingling!

2009-05-28T12:24:00.000-07:00

It has been three months since the divorce....should read THE DIVORCE......was final. We all know how hard it has been on me since I have blogged about it. While my heart struggles, my head knows I need to move on. With friends, faith, family, and the church I am putting everything into trying to make the best of this next stage of my life.

Last weekend I attended my first Singles Conference. It was awesome!!!! I am going to put the letter I received from the Regional Singles Representative and my reply. Then I will post some pictures and it will give a glimpse into our great time.

Scott BennionRegional Single Adult AdvisorSan Diego Latter-day Saint Single Adults

Dear Leslie,

Thank you for coming to our conference. Now that the chairs have been put away and the kitchen cleaned and everyone has gone back to their lives, the thing that remains are the lives that we touched.

There exists within each of us a divine spark, a spark that sometimes seems dulled by the day to day clutter of our lives. But this weekend together we shined. Possibly without being aware, just by attending you lifted those around you. As you go back to your day to day life, remember Dr. Eyre's message about balance in your life. Remember the skills you learned in the workshops. Remember how quiet it was during the Sacrament, and how you felt when President Donaldson spoke of Jerusalem. Remember through adversity Jack Rollins drew closer to Lord, and how you felt when we sang "Did You Think To Pray". Remember we are a covenant people. Our Temple President and his wife represent the best in all of us.

Most of all remember that, in just a few months, our Labor Day Conference is going to knock your sox off!

Scott Bennion

My reply:

Scott.........or should I call you Brother Bennion, (after last weekend I feel like I know you better than that!)

Thank you, Thank you! I am not surprised to receive this follow-up letter, but I am impressed.

I am a newly single person....my divorce was final in February after a 42 year marriage. (I am definitely not where I thought I would be at this time of my life) I have heard single sisters over the years comment about how difficult their role was in the church, how they felt "less than" in a religion that is so focused on marriage and family.

I have not found this to be true, at all. This weekend profoundly proved how valued we all are within the church's embrace. The time, effort, thought, concern, money, and more time that was expended on our behalf was amazing!!!!

The speakers were of such a high caliber and spoke expressly to us with our concerns, with our individual adversities, and to help us reach our own potential. The activities brought us together and made everyone "shine" as you said. Incredible!

As a 61 year old woman I felt included with single brothers and sisters of all ages. There was no visible dividing line saying "I'm young/Your old!" Quite the opposite, I had several younger people saying they were glad we had the opportunity to co-mingle.

Everyone was awesome. You, Scott Bennion, touched me personally, and therefore I know you touched others personally as well. You were at that registration table with a big smile when we checked in. Your soft yet strong voice and demeanor made every situation spiritual and calm. Yet your sense of humor came through for sure. Loved the poster you made for my friend Lila! By the way thanks for the pictures! Again, one more way you showed how you personally valued each of us. I know you had to have stayed up all night to get those to us...................thanks!!!

I will so remember all the things you mentioned and SO much more! Thanks to you and everyone involved. Looking forward to the next one!!!

PS Sorry so long....can you tell I'm enthusiastic?!

PROJECT LESLIE

2009-04-29T14:48:00.000-07:00

Set priorities to facilitate decisions on how to spend time and energy.
1. Me
· Spiritual
· Physical
· Mental
2. Family
3. Work
4. Church Family
5. Home
6. Friends

I am a fortunate woman. There are so many people who love me, and whom I love. They all bless my life in an unbelievable way.

So if I’m so blessed why do I need to re-evaluate and prioritize? Well, I have a few health issues that I find more convenient to push to the back of my mind rather than looking at head on. It is kind of scary to actually list them, but if I do then I might realize how important “Project Leslie” is. So here is the nasty, scary story:

Lupus Fortunately affecting my joints and muscles, not my organs, at this time.
Fibromyalgia Feels like the muscle ache you have with a nasty flu.
CFS Chronic Fatigue Syndrome If I ignore the pain eventually I end up so tired I cannot lift my arm.
Prolapsed Mitral Valve Creates symptoms similar to heart attack, palpitations, vertigo, anxiety
Glaucomito-cyclitic syndrome Scarred eye from something that can reoccur in either eye.
High Blood Pressure Genetic, stress, weight induced.
Arthritis Joints, back, neck
Back Pretty good actually….considering 20 years of pain and surgery.

These are the major issues but there are minor issues that make me feel even older than my 61 years. For instance; hard time breathing when walking fast or very far, sore ankles and knees, skin discoloration, hair loss, and sleep apnea. Currently I have a sore left shoulder, arm, chest and back area and sore left ankle from a fall I took at my Mom’s house.

I consider myself to be a pretty “emotionally” healthy individual, but there are some issues that could stand some improvement, such as; feeling like I stand out in a crowd (not in a good way), anxiety about sitting in an amusement park ride, seat on an airplane or movie, getting through the grief process, balancing my life, time, and money, functioning as a single woman, keeping my home clean and organized, empowering myself.

I recognize one of my strongest attributes is the capability of seeing a problem, analyzing it, setting a new course of action, making mini goals, and moving forward.

The problem: I am becoming unhealthy because my life is out of balance. I am a reactive person rather than a proactive one. I love life and tend to make the best of it. “Bloom where I’m planted”. So…..I love being wherever I am, doing whatever I’m doing, with whoever I’m doing it with. As I said in the beginning I am blessed with so many people to love, and be loved by. Where is the problem? If you call me and ask me to go somewhere, do something, I am there…too many times I leave myself no time to rest, recuperate, and rejuvenate. I need to get myself in balance so I have time to eat healthy (rather than out all the time), exercise, spiritually grow, and get the proper rest.

Jim called me one day to give me a website to look at http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/. That is the coolest name for a website! Anyway, on the site there is an explanation of Lupus called “The Spoon Theory”. I’m not going to reiterate it here, but it made me cry when I read it. I cried because I identified with it big time, because Jimmy cared enough to find it and understand it, and because I realized how far down I had pushed my pain, and my exhaustion from the pain. Just keep going, just keep going, just keep going….had become my mantra. I loved everything I did, and who I did it with. I just was barely functioning within the parameters I had set for my life. Crazy lady!

To start balancing my life I am going to limit my social engagements to one evening a week (proactively Wednesday, but flexible) and two Saturdays a month. I will be aware of my priorities.

Spiritually I am going to plan on attending the temple at least once a month. I am going to blog or journal several times a week focusing on positive steps that I am taking, and goals I am achieving. I am going to enjoy reading scriptures and uplifting books, and listening to good music. I will read my lessons and get my visiting teaching done early in the month.

Physically I am going to exercise with a friend on Tuesday evenings, exercise with Richard Simmons Thursday and Saturday, and I will walk the dog daily, I am going to shop for food I love which happens to be all the healthy things, I will plan 6 small meals a day, proactively preparing them for work. I am going to start drinking lots of water and I will enjoy drinking it more than nasty, disgusting, aspartame loaded diet coke.

Mentally I am going to spend more time outdoors enjoying the sunshine, I am going to listen to Tony Robbins, Steven Covey, and other motivational movers and shakers. I will plan field trips to cultural venues that lift my spirits. I will allow myself time to keep my house clean and organized which will give me a sense of peace and freedom. I will speak affirmations and enjoy being proactive in my life. I will use all this balance to rest, recuperate, and rejuvenate.

This will be fun! I’m 61 and I can still reflect, adjust, and grow!

The Lord is my constant!

2009-04-05T11:13:00.000-07:00

A friend recently told me that she had never seen anyone get through the divorce process as easily as me. A family member asked me how I managed the emotions during my recent trials. There have been other questions and comments indicating people are surprised at my survival. Believe me there have been tough times, alot of tears, questioning myself, my life, my choices. After watching.....and totally crying through conference this morning, I became certain that the reason I have survived is because the Lord is by my side, and I am aware of his presence every moment in my life.

When the kids were out of the home I wondered if Bud and I would continue our activity in the church, or did we go as an example to our children. Of course the gospel was a part of our life. Even when we moved to Virginia we immediately found our place in the church. Our life actually became consumed with living a righteous life.

So when Bud left our home I wondered how strong my testimony was. Would I have the faith on my own to continue going to church when no one was around to remind me? No one would know if I went or not. What I learned about myself was that my faith, my testimony is not predicated on my children, my friends, my family, or even my husband. It is mine. Whatever happens in my life or with those aorund me the gospel is true, and I am never alone.

I am so grateful for the knowledge that I AM a child of God. I know my Heavenly Father loves me. My picture is on His refrigerator and in His wallet I have no doubt. I recognize the beauty in this world that He gave us to remind us of His presence. His greatest gift was allowing His son to come to this earth. I am so thankful for my Saviors teachings, His example. My heart is full of gratitude today. I am grateful especially this week for His sacrifice. That He chose to understand MY pain, and die for MY sins. I know His walk was lonely, and because he knows loneliness He does not want me to be alone. I feel His presence, and the ever comforting presence of the Holy Ghost. I also know He wants me to feel joy. I count so many blessings that give me joy.

There are so many angels that respond to the Lord's promptings when I hit those difficult moments. I am so thankful for those who are receptive to His call to serve me. I am also blessed when I have the opportunity to go outside myself and serve others as well.

I am blessed indeed. The gospel is precious to me. Even though my children are not all active in the church, and Bud may not be. I can see the influence that being raised in the church has had on them. They are such good people with such strong standards and ethics. I am proud of them and I am eternally grateful for the plan of happiness, the prophets who guide us so wisely, the Savior, and my Father in Heaven. I am not alone, and I have so much to be happy about, and so much life to live. Even though it isn't the life I planned. We aren't able to control everything about our lives, but there are so many choices we can make, we have power to BE!

Let's all sing like the birdies sing.....

2009-03-03T00:05:00.000-08:00

It is 12:05 am and I am up. I have been trying to sleep but the birds in my tree are keeping me awake. Actually it is quite a nice way to be sleep deprived.

It is not one little bird....I know this because there is a cacophony of sounds. Well that's not quite right because that indicates it was unpleasant and it wasn't. After investigating I think there were only two birds, but they weren't experiencing just one emotion each, they were having a multitude of emotions.

I tried to imagine what could have been causing the variety of tunes...some sweet musical melody, some warbling, some high pitched screeches. You can imagine what activity came to my mind. But maybe it was more than that. Maybe there were some little birdlets making there appearance into the world in a little nest in my tree. I can imagine two parents expressing joy for this kind of event with all those noises. Maybe there were three birds in a love triangle. One expressing in poetic voice his love, one sparring with piercing cries, and maybe the warbling was the female trying to play a mediator between her two suitors.

At any rate....whatever was being discussed in my tree in the front of my house was a very long conversation.....over an hour. It was loud enough to keep me awake in the back of my house, over the freeway noise outside my bedroom window.

From personal experience I wish I could in fantastic bird voice tell my feathered neighbors that if it is a happy moment they are enjoying that they should cherish it because it may pass too quickly. If it is a sad or tortured emotion, I would encourage them because this too will pass and be replaced by other moments and other emotions.

Goodnight little birdies.

Postscript: Did I say an hour? Those birds woke me up at 3:00 am, and again at 4:30. When I got up at 5:30 they were quiet. Perhaps they were worn out from a very long commentary, or maybe they just moved on to someone elses tree. It did keep me awake, but I loved the little observance of their life. They are normally so quiet we can easily take them for granted. It might be good if more of the Lord's creations could scream in our ear to remind us of their existence. Thank you God for all the little birdies and the other beauties of nature that are just beginning to wake up, be re-born and renewed for Spring!