Friends who know me better than I know myself!

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart,

and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

Recently I have had a rotating door as several friends have come into my home expressing concern about my well-being. How kind is that?! The only problem is I feel fine. I am happy, content, more organized than I have been for a long time. Things are pretty level. At least I think so.

I tend to be someone who doesn't feel my own feelings too well. There was a time maybe 20 some years ago that I was told by a friend "Leslie, you don't need to learn how to let your feelings out, you need to learn how to let your feelings in."

Pain is not something I feel normally either. This has been a problem on many occasions. Eye pressure is supposed to be somewhere around 18-19. Mine went up to 58 and the Dr. said there is no way I could deal with that pain. There was pain, I could hardly touch my hair without it hurting, but I was touring the Washington monuments with visiting friends. Not normal. Another time in Virginia I had a headache and sense of confusion so I was leaving work, but didn't know which hospital I was insured with. I drove to a hospital about 25 miles and on the way home, but Bud couldn't figure out if I could use this facility, so I drove about 20 miles further to pick him up. By the time we made it to the emergency room my blood pressure was 285/175! You have never seen people move so quickly, so calmly. It has become recognizable that I am in trouble if someone all the sudden gets extremely calm, speaking to me in a very slow, soothing voice. "Okaaaaaaaaaaay Mrs. Traaaawwwwspppeer, we aaare justtttt going..."

There have been many other occasions where not feeling "normal" pain has put me in jeopardy, so pain is really a good thing...a red flag we don't usually ignore.

So about my feelings. I have found that just like pain I tend to ignore, cover up, or just plain not feel my emotions. Never have held a grudge, or been truly angry. I don't have any axes to bury, anywhere. I don't think anyone is mad at me, and I am not mad at anyone. If I get depressed I usually find ways to get beyond it pretty quickly. All that sounds good, but my Dr.'s have always told me that many of my health issues are from unresolved emotions. Not good.

So the other day when this wonderful male friend from church called saying that he and his wife would like to come visit that evening because they felt that something was wrong, "I was just out of step and they were concerned. Three other people had said essentially the same thing within a week, so I was anxious to hear what their concerns were. Maybe they could tell me something I didn't know.

We had a great visit, and shared a bit. We came to the conclusion that I do have things in my life that could be causing me to be somber, or at least contemplative, but that I am okay. They left feeling better and I felt absolutely blessed to have such wonderful friends that are keeping such a good eye on me.

I am fortunate to have a bounty of friends. Some of my friends are those I went to school with many decades ago. Friends from old neighborhoods, Facebook friends, Church friends from many different wards, those I work with, clients I work for, and my family. What a blessed life I lead with so many who care about me, and that I can give love and care too as well.

Isn't it wonderful when we can remind someone of the words to their own song of life. We get to lift their spirit and remind them of their joy, and they can do the same for us.

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart,

and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

I am Blessed and I am Grateful that I am Blessed!

The other day my friend, Shirley, told me that other people were concerned about me and asking how I was doing?

Shirley has been going through a rough patch herself because of her mother's recent passing. She was my focus when she "willy nilly" let me know that I was the focus of friends concern. My immediate response was "Me? Why would anyone be worried about me." She calmly said "Oh, maybe it could be that you are still going through the aftermath of a divorce. Maybe it's because you just got out of the hospital with heart issues, or maybe it's because your hours at work were almost cut in half." I was taken aback. Surprised really when it was put that way. My reply was "Well no wonder they are worried about me. I would be worried about that person too."

To be honest there are other things to throw in the mix too. Other adversities I am dealing with, but I guess I don't look at them all in a list like that. I just do the best I can to take a look at each issue individually. Then I make a decision about whether there is anything I can do about it, if there isn't then I try to move on. Not that it doesn't take time to move on, but if that's all I can do, that's all I can do. If there is something I can do then I try to make a plan on how to proceed to make a change. Then there are those things that I can't decide if I should just "Let go, and Let God" take care of, or if I should have a more active role in resolving.

I am not a person who is in the habit of saying "poor me" or "Why me God?" I know that I signed on for this earth life experience. I am aware that the purpose is to be faced with challenges, and the result of those challenges is growth. We each have a choice. Sometimes other people's choices affect us. Then we don't have a choice, except in how we choose to respond to where their choice leads or leaves us. That's probably been the toughest thing for me to grasp.

I will admit to being very hurt when my employers chose to cut my hours while leaving my fellow employees untouched. I know they can't say it is because of age, but I wondered if there was some "age discrimination" involved. Even then, was it because I am not functioning as well as I did when I was younger....probably. My little pity party was short lived because I got a very nice sense of 'well being'. The worry and concern over how I would survive just evaporated. Perhaps in part because I went to worse scenario and imagined myself thrust out of my home living on social security (which isn't much). I realized I have 3 sons and 3 beautiful daughters in law who each have an extra room and alot of love for their mom. None of them would let me be homeless. I am too young and too independent to want that, but it is so comforting to relax in the shelter of that love. But, I think mostly the Lord whispered in my ear that things would work out. I have recognized and been a recipient of his care so I knew that I could trust Him. I didn't know how, but it didn't matter.

Shortly after I came to peace about it my bank called saying they would modify my loan. I had been trying to work with them and there wasn't much relief promised. With the new information that my salary was cut they recalculated and offered a deal that I can't possibly refuse. It hasn't totally come through yet, but I trust that I will be able to live in my home for a long time. What a relief, what a blessing.

This morning I was able to cuddle back into my covers which is a nice side blessing of not working every day. But as I was laying there I was feeling at peace. At this moment I feel healthy, financially blessed, and loved by my family, friends, and the Lord. See how lucky I am! I am blessed and I am grateful that I am blessed.

Hopefully I can pass some of this good news on to those I care about so they will feel loved and blessed too.