Okay....when is enough, enough?

I'm a Pollyanna, I admit it. There are people who say they have never seen me without a smile on my face. I'm a true lemonade maker from the lemons I'm given. My favorite quotes have to do with having a positive attitude and finding the good in everything, everyone, and every situation. I can't help it. It probably comes from recognizing that there are always people who have it worse than me, no matter what. That's true isn't it?

Well I have been thrown so many lemons lately that I think I am going to drown in the lemonade. Things haven't gone well lately.

Every time I let myself feel grief I almost immediately remind myself how many good things are in my life, and for those I am ever grateful.

Someone told me recently that maybe the reason things keep happening to upset my life is because I never let my life get upset. Well that's just darn unfair if that's true! Honestly, I do feel blessed, but if anyone told me they were going through some of the things I'm going through, I would really feel bad for them, yet I don't give myself that same sympathy.

Here it is with as much emotion as I can muster for myself:

We bought our first house when I was 21 years old in Fullerton and here I am almost 62 about to have no home. Maybe there are some things I could have done along the way to change the situation partially but for the most part this loss is not because of any mistakes I have made.

I have had a multitude of health issues, but I am grateful to keep chugging along. This past year those problems plus stress have caused me to become too tired....well beyond tired, I am suffering from extreme exhaustion. I work all week, drive 110 miles a day back and forth, and on the weekends I sleep to prepare myself for the next week.

I've also lost my husband, well actually I didn't lose him, he chose to leave, and with him he took what I considered to be an excellent marriage. I have pondered, reviewed and tortured myself, but though I don't profess to be perfect, I KNOW I was in the marriage 100%. There was nothing more important to me, and I honored every vow, covenant, and promise I made. I was there for him in every way possible, sometimes probably more than I should have been. It was the biggest loss I have ever felt, and even though I can recognize the virtues in my life, I am still mourning.

Yesterday my boss told me that he is forced to cut my wages, my hours, or let me go. He just hired someone in January. She is an amazing worker, no doubt, and she makes less than I do. She is Hispanic and has that community that we have never been able to fully enter until now. The other person in the office has just been with Farmers for 5 years. So together they have less than half of my 26 years of experience in the business, and they make more than half of my pay. They aren't losing money, hours, or their job. Why? Yes my health has had an effect on my performance, but even at a lower performance rate I still function better than most people in my position. Is this a medical discrimination? Age discrimination? No, I think it is experience discrimination. I make more money than most of the people in my position. They are paying me pretty much what my previous employer was paying me when they bought him out. I haven't asked for increases (except when gas went through the roof the first time) because I was aware that they paid me more than most. But they were reaping the benefits of my experience as well. A couple years ago I found someone who was going to pay me an equitable salary and they offered me some incentives, which they recently pulled....a hint of what was coming, and so I felt valued and chose to stay. Besides, I love my clients. Now, there is no offer and I can't survive without the income. So they have taken away my pride and my independence which were almost all I had left.

No, that's not true, is it? I have my granddaughters and future grandchildren, my kids and their spouses, my extended family, and my faith. The Lord is with me. I will survive in spite of crap. Crap!