Empower YOURSELF!

There is nothing that drives me crazier than when someone blames other people for their unhappiness.  

Now I realize that there is always more than one side, so yes other people can rock your boat.  Others are not perfect by any means and they certainly can create road blocks along your way.  Sometimes your life is absolutely turned upside down and what you thought to be true is no longer truth.  That is tough.  I've gone through that at least once in my life.  People ask me how I survived my divorce and circumstances of my divorce.  Well I will tell you it was not by sitting around blaming him for my problems.  That is why they say that forgiveness is for you more than the person you are forgiving.  You need to move forward.  It is impossible to move anywhere if you are sitting around blaming the other guy.  Or if you are holding on to "Why me?" when you find out you have a chronic illness or worse.  

Just imagine losing a job.  It may not be your fault at all.  You may have been an amazing employee, managed to be at work on time, had a great work ethic, never missed work.  Then here you are without a job due to the economy, or other reasons beyond your control.  You have two choices. (1) Sit around and think about how unfair life is.  Why did so and so get to stay and you didn't?  You can have a pity party for a long time on that one.  Tell your friends all about it, including how poorly run everything was and that you did the best job there and it just isn't fair.  Or, you can (2) be grateful you have all those great skills that many employers are looking for.  Ask your previous employer for a good reference, and start getting those resumes out.  Which of those two options will get you back to happiness and wholeness the quickest?  It's not hard to see, yet we give up that power so easily.  

Of course it's devastating, and sometimes you have to try a few different things before it works, but if you continue to use your power you will come through.

When Bud and I separated we did so on pretty good terms.  It was not anything that anyone did wrong really it was just circumstances.  But, I could have blamed and complained for sure.  I didn't do everything right believe me.  It was a lot of trial and error but I never lived in a place where I was blaming Bud.  That would have ruined my kids relationship with him, and what good would that do anyone?  We continued to gather as a family for many celebrations even after we divorced.  That was good for our family health.  It was not good for me.  It hurt me to see him unhappy each time I saw him, but I couldn't fix him.  I couldn't will him to be happy.  You cannot change other people unless they are willing to change.  So I empowered myself and moved to Utah to create a new chapter in my own life.  I remember being very unhappy in my loneliness at times.  I missed my life.  I missed my marriage.  There was a lot of time on my knees.  I cried out to the Lord to help me.  He was there.  He listened.  He understood, He held me.  He healed me.  Me!  If I had spent that time berating the situation and blaming Bud and the circumstances then I wouldn't have been able to ask the Lord to change my circumstances, to heal ME.  

I have a friend who has led a horrible life beyond any pain that most of us could imagine.  She has PTSD from the trauma.   The thing that I have admired most in her is that she worked first on forgiving those who harmed and damaged her so she could move forward to heal herself.  Amazing growth.  She has come so far and she will heal because she is keeping the power and not giving it away to those who devastated her life.  

Think of Helen Keller.  I can't imagine how horrible it would be to be in her circumstances.  We all know she was an angry little girl.  When Annie Sullivan gave her power to move forward she no longer blamed and was angry, she became hungry for more and more knowledge.  

I have a nephew, David who is blind.  He was born prematurely and it created the issue.  He had some sight when he was younger, but now he just can tell a little difference between light and darkness.  I have never seen him throw up his hands and curse the Lord for his blindness.  No, he teaches others at the Colorado Center for the Blind how to get around with their white stick.  How to get on buses, trains, planes.  It is amazing to watch him.  He used to be a guide at a survival camp taking kids at risk on hikes.  I asked him how he could lead them?  He said with humor, "If I run into a tree I tell them not to go that way".  David carved our turkey at Thanksgiving.  He loves rock climbing.  Would he do that if he spent his time blaming?  His wife, Maureen, is also blind.  She became totally blind at 18.  She has a disease that creates tumors.  She has also lost her kidneys (her brother gave her one of his).  She has had multiple surgeries removing the tumors. Right now she is talking to an radiologist because she has six new tumors in her head.  They will either have to do two surgeries to remove them, or perhaps radiation will solve some of the problem.  Does this stop Maureen?  Does she sit around and blame genetics? (This is a hereditary disease)  Heck no!  She isn't going to spend time blaming.  She gives herself the power to do anything she wants to do.  She teaches how to cook at the Center for the blind, she does videos on how a blind person does things.  http://cocenter.org/breaking-blind-blind-person-makes-sugar-scrub-wefitwellness-mbassmaster/.  Also, she just became a certified instructor for Zumba. She is going back to school this year.  

I know so many people who have ground their wheels into the sand by blaming others for their trials.  They can't get out now they are in so deep.  I'm not judging them.  They are obviously in pain.  I just wish I could help them see they could change things by taking their power back.   I'm not talking about other things that create depression and unhappiness. I'm talking about how blaming others creates that pain. It's "the other persons fault" they can't move forward.  So they don't have to do anything, they give that power to the other person, to the circumstances of their life.

  I also know so many people who have recognized that blaming others gives up your power.  Who wants to give your power to someone else?  Not I.  Well, to the Lord, I will give my power to the Lord when I can't carry a burden.  But no one else.  Why would I do that?  Why would I do that?  Why would you do that?

So, the moral of this blog is:  If Your Life is Miserable Stop Blaming Others and Empower YOURSELF!