Trosper Family 2016

Wednesday, August 31, 2016


Dreams!  So odd how they can affect you in the morning when you wake up even if they are not totally remembered.  The emotion can stay with you, in this case 'me'.     Sometimes the feelings or emotions stay with me throughout the entire day. At times I remember bits and pieces that give me hints why I'm feeling the way I do, and maybe purpose of the dream.  

Today I took from my dream that it was about Bud and I, and so much more than us in the mortal sense.  In the dream experience we were with a lot of people, like on a cruise or some grand vacation.  I was wanting to be kissed, embraced, engulfed by Bud.  He didn't seem to be always anxious but would give in.  Frequently it seemed to be in front of others.  Like I wanted them to be aware that we were a couple.  No, more than that, I wanted them to see that I was in love with him, no matter what.  It was never spoken but I was aware that people around us were curious because they knew that our lives were separated.  I really still wanted people to know that we were not, except in the conventional sense.  It wasn't just for show, it was real, very real.  I just wanted my emotions to be on my sleeve.  I truly felt my heart open up each time he embraced me.  It felt like an outpouring, a release of tension and an embracing of serenity.

Just before I woke up I was swinging.  Every one else in the dream was anxious to move on, and kept calling to me.  I was on a huge swing that took me way up into the clouds, and whooshing back down, then back up to touch the trees. I would look down on everyone with my huge thrusts into the sky and then I was keenly aware of the heavens around me and of all the beauty of the land below.  All the people watched me swing so high, but they were anxious for me to go and begging me to come down.  

I was (and still am) feeling the gratitude, freedom, release, joy, exhilaration and peace from these moments. It couldn't end, if I could help it.  Eventually I slowed down and then I  laid beneath the swing, the sky and the trees with my arms outstretched just taking it all in.  I called to Bud.  I wanted him to embrace this feeling with me.  I wanted him to complete the perfection.  He came reticently.  He stood over me blocking the sun.  His arm was outstretched to pull me up, but I beckoned for him to come into my arms.  He did.  He kissed me.  I felt the weight of his body in my arms.  I wrapped my arms around him and then I woke up.  

When I woke my arms were laying outstretched just as they had been in my dream.  I could still imagine the sky and trees above me.  The feeling of serenity and peace from his embrace and the swing through the skies was still so strong.  I didn't want to move. Laying there in that feeling of complete and utter happiness and unconditional love was the purest description of true bliss.  

Of course I pondered the dream and it's meaning.  When Bud and I married I didn't love him as much as he loved me.  He was a good guy, and I was in love with love.  I was in love with the whole idea of marriage, family, and the idea of love.  Bud loved me completely and utterly.  I can still remember the look of adoration and devotion in his eyes.  Sometimes I felt a little guilty that I didn't feel so strongly.  He treasured me and anyone around us could see that.  He was such an awesome person that I grew to love him with such an abundance of emotion.  I was always so grateful for the person he was.  Looking back I can see that he fought the demons of confusion, fear, shame and dishonesty.  But no one battled harder and succeeded in living a beautiful life full of generosity, fun, and service.  

After I woke up I was so grateful that I learned to love this man so unconditionally that it felt totally perfect in spite of everything.  I want to always keep the feeling of complete , perfect love.  

I pondered about the meaning of his having to be coaxed to show the kind of emotion I was wanting.  That he just seemed to give in to my overwhelming love and need for his embrace.  Then I realized it didn't matter.  His love for me is not nearly as important as my being aware of my total, complete and unconditional love for him.  And it was more than him, it was everything, and everyone.  It was attaining this true pure love in spite of what he felt, or what others feel.  It was about my capability to love in spite of anything or anyone else.  

I love my life, I love Bud, I love the Lord with all my heart and soul. I love the children and grandchildren and posterity our love has created and will continue to grow.  I don't want to die now, but I could.  Because this morning when I woke up I felt that I had fulfilled the purpose and measure of my life by receiving and understanding the gift of pure love.  

Friday, March 4, 2016

Anyway, that's my take on it!

In the family I grew up in we learned Patriotism from a very early age.  At each patriotic holiday we would start our mornings off with a parade to post the flag, sing the national anthem and say the pledge of allegiance.  We were taught to honor our military and to know what freedom cost.  There would have never been a consideration to not vote.

I remember waiting to be old enough to cast my first vote.  It was as important to me as it was to get behind the wheel of a car with my first drivers license.  It was a privilege not just a right. It was my responsibility to help choose the persons who ran our government whether local, state, or nationally. There were times I wasn't as diligent as I should have been in all the elections.  Like so many recently I question whether my vote even counts much at all.  When I lived in California we were so far behind the rest of the nation that it seemed like the national races were over before the polls even closed there.  Though I am ashamed to admit it apathy grew in me like it did in many others.  I always voted, but my votes were cast only for those things that I was sure about, and I grew less sure as my apathy grew.

While the things that are important to me seem to fit into the Republican philosophy I never considered myself a die hard Republican allowing myself the freedom to vote for the person and the platform rather than just the ticket.  My children were also raised to respect and love their country and have a teary eye when the National Anthem was played.  Marque has made every effort possible to have a Flag Raising Ceremony in his neighborhood every 4th of July. He has been sad to see the numbers who attend decline in recent years but I hope he continues to try even if it ends up his own family are the only attendees because that worked in my family.  Jimmy loves the way our constitution and government was set up by the founding fathers.  He gets hungry to understand all the principles and sees clearly that it is not being honored as it should be in recent years.  He is passing that love on to his kids.  I remember Hailey running for a student office when she was in grade school and she grasped the idea of balanced power, and also not promising more than you can guarantee.  She has shared that her government teacher in high school gets it wrong sometimes and she has to correct him when he is teaching his classroom mistaken ideas.  Scott is a cop.  He feels very strongly in the principles of law and government.  He sees that misguided leaders can affect his safety and the safety of all of us.  He also recognizes that following good laws can keep us all safer.

I'm so upset with myself that I have become a part of the SILENT majority.  I remember back to the day when the majority ruled whether it was on the school ground or in government.  It seems that over the years the minority has changed those rules.  Now the minorities (even a minority of 1) can change things for all of us.  We of the majority in the nation have let the minorities quietly change, or really not so quietly change our every day lives.  All of the sudden because it offends someONE we have lost so many values that we have slipped into the abyss.

I remember how horrified we were with the embarrassment of Watergate when our President was discovered slipping into the slime of secrecy and cover up.  Now that seems to be a given.  We are even considering candidates that have proven time and time again that they have no problem swimming in the slime and then lying about it.  I remember the shame of the PRESIDENT Clinton being unfaithful to his wife while on the job, and then being totally dishonest to all of us about his behavior.  Now we are considering a candidate who has openly cheated on his wives and has boasted about his extra-marital activities.

Last night as I watched the Republican debates I was horrified at how far we have slipped into the chasm.  How can we possibly be considering a Presidential ticket that includes someone who really should be in jail for her illegal, dangerous, and dishonest actions.  Clearly she might be pitted against someone who is PROUD of his dishonest and treacherous actions as long as it clearly helps business, whose morality is majorly in question, and who told us all last night that HE is a leader that we will all listen to.  That HE will say it and the military will do what he says, that other countries will be taken over if they don't do what HE says, and people will be tortured if they don't do what HE says.

I truly cannot imagine or stomach another Clinton in the white house.  There is no way that I could believe anyone could take us down any further than Obama has, But, really, can we even think about where this country is going if Trump is elected?  We will be laughed at, mocked, and HE will be mad, act like a 2 year old throwing a temper tantrum, and insist things go HIS way.  Where will that lead us?

My conspiracy theory:  It used to be that the crazies considered conspiracy theories, but it is now becoming quite common.  Have you considered this one?  Trump was democrat right?  What if those that make strategic moves for the party, or maybe even the trilateral commission, decided that there was no chance whatsoever that this nation was going to vote a Democrat into the Presidency after the mess Obama put our country in.  So they had to think outside the box.  They called on good old Donald Trump, who would do anything to have those people in his pocket  All he needed to do was to change his stripes (party) for the good of the Democratic party.  His job is to go out and BE Donald Trump.  He doesn't have to know anything about anything that is important to the government and the country because his job is to win the Republican ticket with crassness,crudeness, threats of leadership, dishonesty, meanness, debauchery. We would accept anything that would give us strong leadership(?)) back.  His job is to win the election for Hillary Clinton.  It is the only way she can win.  Even I, who cannot fathom Hillary Clinton as President, was considering last night that I might have to vote for her if she is up against Donald Trump.  Maybe that was the plan from the very beginning.

Ewwwww, that is disgusting and scary, but very very possible.  Think about it.