Tuesday, May 25, 2010

My Grandchildren--May 20, 2010

Today is Thursday, May 20, 2010. Within the next two to three days I will have a new grandchild. I was talking to Scott and Cynthia last night about the miracle of it all. We wondered how could anyone go through this event and not believe in God. Could a big bang pulling matter together create the perfect timing of this 9 month creation of life? I think not. I remember at the end of each pregnancy being incredulous that on any given day I could go from a large ball carried in front of me, to a little life being held in my arms. It is all such an amazing gift from the Lord.

Besides the miracle of parenthood, there is the blessing of grandchildren. What a joy it is to be able to be a part, once again, of watching from a front row seat a baby discover the world. I look forward to having this baby close enough to just stop by when she is in every stage of discovery. Hailey, Madyson, and Leah were all so far away when they were born. I could only watch through pictures, visits, and verbal updates from Mom and Dad, and I am SOOOO grateful for technology, but Grace will be closeby so I really do have a front row seat to her world.

Yesterday, Madyson (9) sent me a text. It said “When can we have a date for 3, me, you, and hailey?” How special is that? Samantha said as soon as she got in the car Madyson told her she had been thinking all day that we needed to have a date. I called her back to set a date for our get together and while I was talking to her Hailey called to ask if there was any way I could get away from work Friday to see her final GATE project which is a production. I am sad that I won’t be able to leave work, but so happy that she wants me to be there. This is one of the reasons we developed “Date Day”, sometimes called “Hailey Day” or “Mady Day”. When I am not able to be around for a special award, or some other important event….which fortunately isn’t too often because I really do try to make them all….but if it isn’t possible then we go celebrate on another day. It gives us time together, helps me to talk to them, to enjoy something they enjoy, to build a memory.

Building a memory so they remember their Grandma fondly and builds a bit of a legacy to pass on is important. After all I am not going to be here forever. I want to include here a funny moment with Madyson and Hailey from around 2004. Hailey and I were facing each other having a discussion about life and death. I can’t remember exactly why, but I do remember we had the Childcraft out on the human body. Anyway, Mady was sitting on the couch beside me off in her own world, seemingly uninterested. While we were having the discussion I said to Hailey “It’s just a part of the life cycle, everyone dies sooner or later.” Without missing a beat or even turning her head Madyson patted my leg and said “Sooner for you, huh Grandma?” She followed it with a wink and a cluck of her tongue to let me know this was a joke. She was just 3 ½ at the time. I laughed so hard.

Speaking of laughing hard I had Madyson laughing hysterically one time. I got a new mattress set that made my bed quite high. I was demonstrating how I had to get in bed each night. First I walked up next to the bed, through one leg up, grabbed some sheet and tried to pull myself onto the bed grunting and grimacing. The other method for getting onto the bed was to go back into the hallway, drop to a starting position, run and jump onto the bed somewhat like a pole vaulter makes it over the bar. This again was accompanied with the appropriate amount of facial antics. I delighted in her contagious laughter that was so powerful she had to alternate between holding her aching belly and squeezing her cramping cheeks. It is equally as funny when she still acts out “Grandma getting into her bed” frequently.

Hailey enjoys humor, especially humor accompanied by sarcasm. I tell her that she has a black belt in sarcasm. I know that not everyone enjoys this kind of humor, but apparently we do in the Trosper family. Although I do remember asking Hailey how she got so good at it at such a young age. She said, “It’s rather obvious, look who I lived with for all those years, my dad and my Uncle Scott.” My reply was “I don’t know where they possibly learned sarcasm.” To which she replied “Hmmm, I don’t know Gramma, it couldn’t possibly have been from you, could it?” “No, no way.” Later when I said something apparently with a tinge of sarcasm she said, “Hey Gramma, I think I see a bit of sarcasm on your lip, do you want a napkin for it?” Ha ha ha! Now I don’t care who you are, that’s funny! Obviously I could go on and on about these two girls antics. We have serious moments too. Hailey is at an age (12) where she gets mortified by anything and everything any of us do, do you remember those days? Well, to empower her we made a pact that if I ever embarrassed her she could remind me of the day we made the pact in Coco’s restaurant that she would tell me if I ever made her feel uncomfortable. Shortly afterward we were at John’s Incredible Pizza and I was dancing around as we were walking through the place and Hailey quietly tapped me on the shoulder and did the “eye to eye” gesture, just quietly reminding me that I was being embarrassing . I stopped. Don’t always guarantee I’ll stop that easy, but I did that day. I am so grateful for the special relationship we share.

There have been many moments in these blogs that I have shared the amazing connection that I have with Leah. She is clear up in Utah and that is tremendously sad to me. I want to be there to share those special moments building memories with her as well. I am so grateful that through Marque and Sarah’s blog, and great picture taking I feel like I totally know Leah. They have also made the effort to be here for family activities so we rarely go more than a few months without a Leah connection. She is such a joy. Her smiles, laughter, and character make her an enchanting, precious part of my heart even through cyberspace. She was so accommodating to sit by herself for the first time when I was up there, and take some of her first steps when she was down here. When she was about 6 months she learned how to point when she saw the little stain glass birdies flying in my window. She really loved those birds. I was surprised on her last visit when she was just shy of 18 months that she did an intake of air and pointed at them again. It was obviously a memory of her friends and she waved, pointed and said “goodbye” to them just before she headed home. I just bought her very own birdie to hang in her window. Maybe it will connect her to her California Gramma a little more.

Now, we are just around the corner from a new little one to love and build memories with. Her little bedroom is pink and brown with butterflies and flowers. It’s a perfect place for a little girl. The bassinet is in place next to mommy and daddy’s bed. The closet and drawers are filled with little girlie clothes passed on from cousin Leah, and friends Lauren and BrookLyn besides the new ones that friends, aunties and grandmas just couldn’t resist. All is in readiness, everything is right, just waiting for your little tiny, precious body and spirit to fill our hearts and lives . There is nothing in the world to compare with being a mother, but watching your children be parents to your grandchildren is love to the highest degree. I’m ready little Grace, we all are! Just a few more days!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

I'm lucky I'm a Mom!

It is pretty awesome being a Mom, Mother-in-law, and Grandmother. I have enjoyed this Mother's Day tremendously. But I particularly love the reasons I get to celebrate this day. I believe we as women have a special role to fill and whether we have children are not we are still nurturers. We still have those unique gifts that make us women, and if by chance we get the opportunity to fulfill that role we can touch lives on a more personal level. We feel the love for a child that surpasses all love, except perhaps the love our Heavenly parents feel for us. Because of the love our mother and father give us, we then are able to understand the love of our Mother in Heaven and Father in Heaven.

I don't know how to place pictures in a blog in any certain order, but these are just a few random shots that show what I love about being a mother!

Soon, very soon, I will have a new granddaughter. Her name will be Grace...I am sure she will be a very special addition to the Trosper family. I have a big part of my heart saved just for her!
My Mom....the greatest mother, teacher, mentor, friend anyone could ever have is standing with some other important people in my life. Hailey, Jimmy, Samantha, Sarah, Molly (Sarah's sister), Me holding Leah, and Leah's other cousins Eli, Cole, and Jake.

Mom, Me, Scott, Cynthia, another awesome mother my sister in law Ruth, Emily, Brother Bill, my sister in law Carmen, and my brother Brock.
Baby Daddy Scott, Baby Mama Cynthia, Great Grandma Vee, and Grandma Leslie
Scott and Cynthia are on a whirlwind since they re-connected just over a year ago. Wedding, new house, Scott got his bachelor's degree just after he gave up being a bachelor, and now little Grace is expected May 22nd or sooner! They are cute to watch and love to plan for their life together and for this little baby!
Marque and Sarah are really there for me, and for the family even though they live in Utah. They were down five times last year, so including our trips up to Utah we got to see them so frequently. I kid the boys down here that Marque actually comes to visit me more often than they do~ Marque gives me so much credit for the awesome person he turned out to be. I think he did most of it, but I'll take the credit! Sarah is an incredible mother and the best daughter-in-law I could hope for.
I think I was bugging Jim to smile for this picture and he reminds me so much of his grandpa here. Jim and Samantha are closest in distance to me and they bless my life regularly. It is so much fun watching them build traditions with their girls. So many of them are traditions that we had in our family and it makes me feel so valued that they treasure those things.
Jim and I commute at the same times in the morning, and we talk as we come from opposite directions and pass in the Riverside area. We often joke about how broad our discussions become going from politics, to theology, to family, values and back again in the same conversation. I'm glad to spend this time with Jim each day.
I love going on "Girlie Days" with Hailey and Mady. It is so much fun to enjoy these energetic, intelligent girls company. I hope they always want to hang out with their grandma. They bless my life~
I'm grateful that my boys love, respect, and honor their father as well as me. This helps me to know that they were raised well.... They counsel us now, and it is great and amazing to receive our own counsel back from their mouths.
I put my old "Mom" cake baking and decorating skills to work for Madyson and Leah for their birthday's this year. Madyson's bedroom is decorated like daisies so I made her this daisy cake for her 9th birthday.
It was fun to have Marque, Sarah, and Leah down to help us celebrate October birthdays, among other things. This was Leah's "1 year old" cake. See I still got it a little bit! Mady's birthday is the 12th, mine the 14th, and Leah's the 15th of October. They were great birthday gifts.
One of the easiest ways I know my son's listened to my counsel, and blessed me was with the beautiful daughters they gave me. I can't often call them daughters-in-law because it sounds too dry for the feelings that I have for them. I sometimes refer to them as daughters-in-love because that fits much better. But just as often they are just my daughters-that-I've-waited-forever-for. They are all three beautiful women, and beautiful mothers themselves.
The girls definitely out number the boys now. I was so grateful to God for my three terrific sons, and I am so grateful for the girls in my life now. Here are my three beautiful granddaughters Hailey (12), Leah (1), and Mady (9).
Lovebirds Scott and Cynthia. They took me to breakfast this morning and then went to church with me. I always love taking my kids to church, or anywhere I can show them off. Everyone knows my kids even if they haven't met them because they are always talked about in the highest praises. I only speak the truth. Thanks for such nice gifts too.
I had a bad day one day and called Marque. I was crying and emotional and he could hardly get a word in edgewise so he passed the phone to Sarah. When I took a breath she sweetly calmed me down and passed the phone back to Marque who gave me very wise counsel. The next day I received flowers from him. See why I feel so blessed?
Sweet picture of two of my sweet girls Sarah and Leah.
Samantha and Mom in Palm Springs for a girls weekend.
Look at this love! Sweet Leah! She is gorgeous and always so happy. She lights up my life, for sure.
Hailey at Red Robin's on a "Hailey Day". I love taking the girls out individually to celebrate an award, any special occasion, or just cuz! I hope they will always cherish our memories together!
On these special days the girls get to choose where they want to eat, something special to buy, and if there is anything else they want to do. Here is Mady on a "Mady's Day" modeling in the bargain aisle at Target. Mady LOVES going to Target.
Hailey, Grandma, and Mady at Grandma Grandma's house in Yuma, AZ last Mother's Day.
I dusted off another old skill when I made these poodle skirts for Hailey and her friend for their talent show. They sang and danced to "Chantilly Lace". I love that the girls love singing the old songs with their Grandma. Some of the songs we sing came from their Great Grandma and Great Grandpa when their Grandma was their age. Passing it on down the generations!
Here is the woman that started it all for me. I don't think we look alot alike....sometimes I think that is why I was born in the car....then it couldn't be denied that I was their daughter! LOL She has taught me how to love, give, care, honor, respect, be honest, true, chaste, benevolent. She taught me to want to be a mother from the time I was a little girl. No one could have had more impact on my life than my Mom. I love you Mother!!! Happy Mother's Day.
Jim and family with their grandma, and great grandma!
Scott and Cynthia with Grandma. This was the first time Cynthia and Mom met. She approved!
Leah came into our lives through Caitlin, her birth mother, but she definitely belonged to Marque and Sarah. The Lord has his ways to make things right, and this is so right! She was officially sealed to the family and what a special time that was! One of those moments that take your breath away and make you so grateful to be who you are, and where you are!
And here she is enjoying a simple pleasure with her Daddy!
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. These are just a few pictures that tell the story of this mothers heart. I could post so many more pictures, and write a few thousand words and never be able to express adequately the joy I feel being a mom!
From the pages of one of my favorite books:
"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my babies you'll be!"

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Pollyanna?

My whole life people have called me a "Pollyanna". I have always taken that as a compliment because I thought Hayley Mills in the Disney movie of the same name was a positive little girl who changed the world she lived in by her "glad game". I do relate to her attitude that you can always find something good in every situation and every person. It makes life a happier place doesn't it? And I am a happy person, so I guess it works. Or does it?

When I was at a Bliss Family Reunion a few years ago they gave awards for different things, and when they were giving the award for the "Pollyanna" of the family I was surprised that most of my aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers and sisters shouted my name in unison. The other day my cousin told me I was a real genuine "Pollyanna". Also, one time there was a long conversation on our family website about a picture that was posted when I was 8 years old, noting that I wasn't smiling. They couldn't imagine what was wrong with me that day because apparently many thought that I ALWAYS smile. Well, obviously I don't ALWAYS smile, but I concur that I do usually find the bright side of life, want to fix things (and people) if they aren't working (or happy). I am a grateful person who can find beauty around me, even if my current situation isn't beautiful. So I always enjoy "spurts" of joy, but is this attitude always beneficial? I think I am learning that it isn't.

I was blessed with a forgiving heart, I don't know how to hold a grudge, and I have a large capacity to love unconditionally. I am not patting myself on the back because it is not something I worked hard to attain. It seems either I was just born with it, or it was conditioned into my life at a very young age. Trying to live as closely as I can to Christ's example is important to me, so I have made efforts there, falling short of course, but always trying. It has been brought to my attention by many people that I love very much that perhaps too much of a good thing is "too much of a good thing".

I just googled "Pollyanna" and this are the meanings it listed.
–noun
1.
an excessively or blindly optimistic person.
–adjective
2.
(often lowercase) Also, Pol·ly·an·na·ish. unreasonably or illogically optimistic


Uh-oh! That doesn't sound so good; "blindly optimistic", "unreasonably optimistic"? So "Pollyanna" is probably akin to "Queen of Denial"? As I look at life as it is for me I am recently learning that I really do fall into this description. My Doctors have always told me that my health is affected by unresolved issues and "stuffed feelings". As my last blog indicated, I have had several friends that have seen something in my face, attitude, and shoulders that they thought indicated that I wasn't okay even though I claimed I was. Well, I was okay. Playing my little "glad game" of positivity so well I can fool myself I guess.

Family members and friends have been amazed that Bud and I have retained such a close relationship since our divorce. I was always happily married and in spite of Bud's recent change in his life, views, and desire for marriage...I was still the same person. I tried to be angry because I thought it might make it easier for me, but it just didn't stay....not an emotion I carry around. Bud doesn't mind being in my life as a handyman and a friend. I have always been concerned with his health, needs, emotions, financial situation and relationship with the kids and grandkids....kind of sounds like marriage doesn't it? Guess my brain, heart or some part of me didn't realize I was divorced. Problem is, it is hard for me to be around him. The line blurs and I find myself wanting to stick my hand in his, my arm through his, and even to curl up on his shoulder. Not healthy for either of us. Actually, I thought it was okay to get along, to be friends, to see the best in him and our relationship, but I find it does affect my health. Frequently after I see him, or we have a family get together I have had an increase of pain from my fibromyalgia, more tiredness, and even ended up in the hospital. Problem is, being a "Pollyanna" I don't even tie those things together. I'm just are "glad" I DIDN't have a heart attack after all. Or "glad" that it is a beautiful day today instead of raining causing the fibromyalgia to be worse.

I do believe my "Pollyanna" attitude has a tendency to make me co-dependent. As the "Queen of Denial" I can see that maybe I missed signs that would have told me things in my marriage weren't as good as I believed it to be. There have been other circumstances in my life, and those close to me, that probably would have had a different result if I had actually "seen" them rather than putting my "rose colored" optimistic spin on things. I actually believe that it may just be another way of putting my "head in the sand".

So with the help of my friends and family I am going to be making some changes in my life. I am going to put me at the top of my list once in awhile. After all the Lord said "Thou shalt love thy neighbor, as thyself." How do I change? Do I want to become burdened with the woes of the world, or even my own life? No way! Should I try to feel my feelings, react to them, and then see the brighter side of life? Probably. That way I can protect myself, keep from sending others mixed messages, and resolve issues before they exacerbate. So I am determined to stay positive, find joy in all things, but to take the words "blindly", "unreasonably", and "illogically" out of my optimistic attitude.