Sunday, March 28, 2010

Life may not be roses, but at least it's daisies!

In the Emergency Room after experiencing some chest pains a few weeks ago my kids came to visit and lift my spirits. I was relatively sure the pains were nothing to be concerned about, but there is some family history and my own history that prompted the visit and the doctor's concerns. Anyway, I was explaining to Scott that perhaps my pain was due to "stress" about the family not being in sync as I would wish. My greatest desire has always been that my family would be "happy". My focus was never on wealth or fame, just happiness. Of course there were some things that I felt would lead them down "happy trails", but I didn't really care if they took my path or found their own as long as the end result was "Happily Ever After".

Bud and I get along famously for a divorced couple, allowing the family to be together during holidays and events with a minimum of discomfort. If there are other issues they are also treated with respect so the family can gather joyfully and work together cooperatively for the better good. But, sometimes I feel that elephant in the room that we are not the family that I always hoped we would be. This elephant transferred to my chest on this particular occasion.
So there I was in the emergency room trying to explain to my kids why I was there. They gave me a pep talk, lots of love, and reassured me. In my tears I said "All I want is for you kids to be happy, and things are not." Scott said "Mom, we are happy. The family is happy. Everything may not be roses, but it's at least daisies!"

That really hit home. Maybe in this life things don't always go as we plan. There are different roads taken, different choices made, and we need to adjust from our happy trail to another happy trail. We need to recognize that even when things aren't as we planned, they can still be great! Thanks to my family for making my life and my trails happy. Thanks Scott for this particular insight. I think it was a very wise analogy for your Mom who loves analogies!

I like roses........but if I can't have roses then daisies are great too!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

I am Blessed and I am Grateful that I am Blessed!

The other day my friend, Shirley, told me that other people were concerned about me and asking how I was doing?
Shirley has been going through a rough patch herself because of her mother's recent passing. She was my focus when she "willy nilly" let me know that I was the focus of friends concern. My immediate response was "Me? Why would anyone be worried about me." She calmly said "Oh, maybe it could be that you are still going through the aftermath of a divorce. Maybe it's because you just got out of the hospital with heart issues, or maybe it's because your hours at work were almost cut in half." I was taken aback. Surprised really when it was put that way. My reply was "Well no wonder they are worried about me. I would be worried about that person too."
To be honest there are other things to throw in the mix too. Other adversities I am dealing with, but I guess I don't look at them all in a list like that. I just do the best I can to take a look at each issue individually. Then I make a decision about whether there is anything I can do about it, if there isn't then I try to move on. Not that it doesn't take time to move on, but if that's all I can do, that's all I can do. If there is something I can do then I try to make a plan on how to proceed to make a change. Then there are those things that I can't decide if I should just "Let go, and Let God" take care of, or if I should have a more active role in resolving.
I am not a person who is in the habit of saying "poor me" or "Why me God?" I know that I signed on for this earth life experience. I am aware that the purpose is to be faced with challenges, and the result of those challenges is growth. We each have a choice. Sometimes other people's choices affect us. Then we don't have a choice, except in how we choose to respond to where their choice leads or leaves us. That's probably been the toughest thing for me to grasp.
I will admit to being very hurt when my employers chose to cut my hours while leaving my fellow employees untouched. I know they can't say it is because of age, but I wondered if there was some "age discrimination" involved. Even then, was it because I am not functioning as well as I did when I was younger....probably. My little pity party was short lived because I got a very nice sense of 'well being'. The worry and concern over how I would survive just evaporated. Perhaps in part because I went to worse scenario and imagined myself thrust out of my home living on social security (which isn't much). I realized I have 3 sons and 3 beautiful daughters in law who each have an extra room and alot of love for their mom. None of them would let me be homeless. I am too young and too independent to want that, but it is so comforting to relax in the shelter of that love. But, I think mostly the Lord whispered in my ear that things would work out. I have recognized and been a recipient of his care so I knew that I could trust Him. I didn't know how, but it didn't matter.
Shortly after I came to peace about it my bank called saying they would modify my loan. I had been trying to work with them and there wasn't much relief promised. With the new information that my salary was cut they recalculated and offered a deal that I can't possibly refuse. It hasn't totally come through yet, but I trust that I will be able to live in my home for a long time. What a relief, what a blessing.
This morning I was able to cuddle back into my covers which is a nice side blessing of not working every day. But as I was laying there I was feeling at peace. At this moment I feel healthy, financially blessed, and loved by my family, friends, and the Lord. See how lucky I am! I am blessed and I am grateful that I am blessed.
Hopefully I can pass some of this good news on to those I care about so they will feel loved and blessed too.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

My New Calling.

A month ago I got a new calling as a counselor in the Relief Society. I was kind of sad about the new calling because I have absolutely loved teaching in Relief Society once a month. The sisters are so willing to participate and I learned so much from them and from preparing the lessons. But, this is one of the nice things about our church, being a lay church, we are all participants and we receive callings all of the time that we don't think we are capable of doing. Then we do them!
God knows us so much better than we know ourselves. He knows us as we have the potential of becoming, so our job is to live into that potential. I honestly would have found it much easier to be the Education Counselor over the teachers and music. I would have even found it simpler to be the Relief Society President. Well, maybe that's not true. I said it would be easier because I have been RS President two times before, so I know what to do, and even a few things NOT to do. But, I am older now, so it certainly wouldn't be easy. But I am in a fog about this counselor. I don't even know for sure what it is called now...."Meeting Counselor"? It used to be Homemaking Counselor, and boy am I glad it's not called that anymore. Even though I am a girlie girl I am not a "Molly Mormon girlie girl". I have done sewing, knitting, crocheting, embroidery, and even tying quilts in my past, but not in a LONG time. In one season of my life (when my kids were young) I even decorated cakes pretty darn well, but I do not love to be in the kitchen cooking, canning, or baking. I'm thinking one reason I don't love it, is that I don't love messes. There is no way to make a dress without having pattern pieces, pins, scissors, and a sewing machine up for a period of time that is way too long for me. Same with baking a cake, or canning. Too much of a mess! At any rate it isn't called Homemaking anymore. It isn't called "Home, Family and Personal Enrichment" either. Just when I finally remembered how to say it and what order it came in. Now we just call them meetings....so that makes me the Counselor over the Meetings. What I need to do is do things that will meet the desires, and needs of the sisters in my ward.
My ward, the Sun City Ward, is very awesome. For almost the whole time I have been in the ward (8 years) I have been focused on Bud and saving my marriage, so I hadn't had a lot of time to really get to know the sisters individually. But I felt loved by the ward as a whole. I couldn't believe how the ward had such a wonderful personality all together. It was remarkable and a comfortable place to be when my world was topsy turvy. They never wanted me to feel alone for one moment, and when Bud and I actually did separate I was embraced even more. Many single women have spoken to me about feeling "different" in this family focused church, but I felt loved as an individual. I continue to feel that way. Now it's my turn to serve them.
When I started going to the Sun City Ward I expected it to be mostly silver haired people, but was surprised about how many young people we have....and so many cute babies, children, and teens. We have two young elders serving as missionaries and one senior couple. It's a nice spread, but we have to meet all their needs, so that will be fun and challenging.
I am just starting to work on our first planned get together. It will be a breakfast before the Stake Women's Conference, just a short time, but hopefully it will bring us even more in sync.
Our Bishop calls us the Super Sun City Sisters, so I will do a theme based around that. It will be fun.