Saturday, October 30, 2010

Love's Masterpiece

When Jimmy was born he had tons of dark hair. He actually was covered with fuzz all over his body. We called him our little monkey. On the top of his head in the middle of this dark hair he had a spot about the size of a quarter where his hair was totally white. When going through the hair to the scalp we found there was no pigment in his skin either. He had several other spots that didn't have pigment on his body as well. Just something to make him a little different. Later on you couldn't even tell that he had that spot because his hair went totally blonde for many years. Now he does still have that spot, but on his bald head it is not as obvious as it was when he was a little baby.

Here is the poem I wrote for him when he was 3 months old, almost 39 years ago.

Loves Masterpiece

My baby is love's masterpiece.
From the top of his head, to the tips of his toes,
He's our own very special someone,
Who amazes us as each day comes and goes.

He has a small tuft of brown and blonde hir,
His eyes are full of stars and shining all the while.
A tiny pug nose in a pert little face, and
His mouth is always in a three cornered smile.

My curious little baby, arms flailing in the air,
Hands groping and clasping his new world,
To touch tenderness and love,
His tiny closed fingers are quickly unfurled.

Best of all is his bright personality,
Warming the hearts of his family.
Giving an extra important meaning,
To the lives of his brother, Mommy and Daddy.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

"Special Moments"

I was 18 when Bud and I got married. We ended up in Vegas after a long battle deciding whether to wait to get sealed in the temple (Bud had just joined the church), or have a church wedding, I went to Colorado and South Dakota for the summer. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder", and we decided we wanted to be together sooner rather than later. Of course when you are 18 you don't realize what a baby you really are, so sooner didn't seem so crazy then.

Always one to focus on having a marriage, family, and the "happily ever after", I really never had any other goals even though my grades and intelligence probably would have allowed for a different walk in life. Back then it didn't even occur to me that I could have both. I wanted a baby right away. Every little one I saw I would turn to Bud, with my little puppy eyes and say,
"I want one", like a baby was something in a store window you could just order from Santa Claus. Bud, believe it or not, was more practical. He was 24 so I guess he knew how young I was and how long we had to have and raise children. Also, he wanted to have a house first. So we worked toward that goal. In January, 1968 we got our first home. I was barely 20.

That goal accomplished I was immediately ramping up the conversation about that baby I wanted. We had been married a year and 1/2 and we had enjoyed the time together. We were able to be spontaneous and loved time at the beach, battles of the bands, movies, camping. We really "dated". I thought a baby would only add to that happiness. Finally about a year later Bud agreed that we could stop trying not to, and let nature take it's course. We were so excited when we finally knew that baby was on it's way.

This was pre "natural birth", pre "pampers", pre knowing what the sex was until the baby was born. We honestly were shocked that our first was a boy. We were sure that we would only have girls because of the high count of females on both sides of the family. But we had that little boy, and then began the adventure of being a parent.

Marque was the first so all the newness was there, the excitement, the fear, the wonderment of parenting this little life. I've always said he pretty much raised himself, not because we weren't there every step of the way, but because he is a wise spirit so we could just guide him without too much effort.

When he was two I wrote a little poem after I realized that I wanted to try to catch this little guy's antics on paper. Hard to do, but when I read it again I remember those special moments so well of my little two year old. This was the first poem I ever wrote, ever.... I think it might be special to Marque because it was written when he was exactly the same age as Leah is now.

Special Moments

Cars and trucks zoom, Jack-in-the-box pops,
Everything is going busily,
Then from across the room,
My two year old shouts, "I yuv you Mommy."

His head bowed, eyes peering up,
Knowing he's been very naughty,
With inborn psychology,
He looks at me, and says, "I yuv you Mommy."

Crawling on my lap, arms clasping my neck,
As he gives me a hug every so tightly,
This is the best time of all,
When he whispers, "I yuv you Mommy."

I found some pictures I was going to scan of Marque at two, but my scanner/computer aren't talking so I will have to add them later.

Marque, Mommy yuvs you!

Saturday, October 23, 2010

The Accordian Folder

My kids LOVE to kid me. They are great comedians and I guess I'm good material. For my 60th birthday celebration I actually asked them to do a roast....what was I thinking? Do you really ask for someone to torture you. They did, but it was great fun. I thought I needed to write a few of these things down for my huge following, and so my posterity can remember what a dork their grandmother was, and also see what dorky kids I have and love so much.

This one is Jimmy's take on my Accordian Folder:

"My mom kept her bills in this brown accordian folder. Though it's an extremely efficient tool my mother unintentionally used it as a device of spine wrenching horror. When that binder came out from the entertainment center the huffs, moans, and whining began. It made it virtually impossible to watch tv and ignore her.

'Oh my gosh! We are so in the hole!' And 'how are we going to survive this week?' All questions directed to us with no answer for us to give. It got to the point that when that folder came out we were gone. I don't mean we strolled out, I mean we ran as if Armagedon was nipping at our heels.

Out and out, she did the job she wanted to do. Kept us fed, sheltered, and many days of fun adventures. It's kinda like that experimental medicine they advertise on tv. See, it does it's job, but you'll always have that lawyer at the end.

*Commercial*
"If you're having bill stress, just take one dose of Leslie's folder and you'll be in spirits in no time!"

Lawyer (undertone and fast) "Could cause traumatic childhood memories, can cause irritability, misery, guilt, and the yearning to eat just bread and water for the rest of your natural born life!"


Strange that my kids saw it that way...even in jest. I always remember thinking that kids shouldn't know or feel responsible for finances in the home. I did believe in them feeling part of the family by learning and doing chores, but they are children so they shouldn't worry about money situations. That was my belief, but apparently that "Accordian Folder" had a Mom/Dr. Jekyll effect on me that I had no control over. But, I did do the job, as Jimmy said. I don't think of us realized that we didn't make half the money that our neighbors did because I could stretch a penny like none other.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Yep I'm angry!

I don't often feel anger. But, for the past couple of weeks I am very angry, and it's directed at my own body. I am always quick to count the blessings too, so I recognize and appreciate the good things about my body. It's amazing the way my lungs pull oxygen in then push out the carbon dioxide, and how my heart beats in such an amazing fashion flushing the blood through it to my entire body. I am grateful for eyes that see (though less these days), a brain that retains memories (though less these days), arms that embrace, and legs that carry me where I need to go. But that being said it just isn't doing the job it is supposed to do for me.

Last Monday I was laying in bed knowing it was time to get up for work, but instead I just lay there unable to will myself out of bed. As I lay there I felt each muscle as it throbbed it's very own pulse. Massaging my arms I felt knots and bruises everywhere I touched. I found myself singing "The head bone's connected to the neck bone, the neck bone's connected to the shoulder bone". I realized that each muscle, bone and nerve in my body was pulsing to the rhythm of the song and there was an intensity to it throbbing together yet separately. It was no wonder I was so tired.........so extremely exhausted.

In spite of alot of medical issues I "keep on keeping on", except that sometimes, it all hits at once. In Lupus they call that a flare, in fibromyalgia they call it an episode....no matter "it is what it is". There are a few patterns that include my own behavior, other people's choices, and stressful situations that contribute, but one never knows, really. The pain causes exhaustion which causes more pain, etc. It's all very cyclical,

When we were back east this summer my sister, Susan, and I were talking about how grateful we were that her Multiple Sclerosis, and my Lupus weren't as bad as some people dealing with the same issues. Thank you Heavenly Father for that blessing and also for our resilience in the face of those diseases. Susan teaches me how to be patient with suffering, as does my son, who also has an autoimmune disease. I did call attention to the fact that our sister, Lynette, had so much more energy, moved so much better, and was able to take alot of extra steps that we couldn't. Perhaps that's how we could be if we didn't have our diseases.

Recently my family planned a day to the Pumpkin Patch. I was excited to go on this traditional outing with my kids and grandkids, but it came with an awareness that I'm not able to run and do the things I want to do. It came with a price of pain the next day, and the following days. Thank goodness I had already recognized that I couldn't do the Knott's Berry Farm trip with them the next day. That's where the anger comes in....I want my body to function so that I can enjoy all there is to enjoy, so that I can serve all those who need to be served, so that I don't have to look into a crystal ball to see if what I do today will be too hard on my tomorrow's.

I lived for 20 years with back pain. After surgery in 1994 I consider it a miracle that I was one of the lucky one's who was given my life back. I missed so much of my kids lives because of that pain. I felt like I cheated them. Now I feel the same way about missing moments and memories with my grandkids because I am in pain, or if I overdo I will be in pain.

Yep, I am angry with this body. I'm grateful to know that I can feel anger, even if it is with my disfunctioning parts. I'm grateful that in spite of those disfunctioning parts I am still able to function, most of the time. I'm grateful that I have family and friends who understand, remind and forgive me that I can't always do what I want to do.

Well it's 5:30 am so I guess I will try to go back to bed so I can bound out of bed in a couple hours and face another Monday! Yah right....bound out of bed....stupid body!